My 5th year

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Sudah menjejak 5 ramadan hari ini.

Alhamdulillah, saya lulus semua pengajian tahun 5. Bakal memasuki ke tahun akhir selepas raya nanti. In shaa Allah. Doakan grad pada masanya.

Tahun 5 di my university, ada 11 rotations yg perlu dilalui sepanjang 9 bulan. Haha. Jadi, segalanya adalah tepat, padat dan ringkas. Dan segalanya adalah bawah kuasa dan izin Tuhan. :)

Orthopedic, 2 minggu, belajar pasal tulang dan adik beradiknya. Saya suka belajar, minat tajuk ni, berjaya skor utk first exam, tapi final kurang skor, sesuatu yang tak dijangka, tapi begitulah... Alhamdulillah Allah izin carry mark agak selesa utk digandingkan dengan final exam's mark yang goyah. Allah baik, bukan?

Radiology, 2 minggu, entah bagaimana percaturan saya, ada dua tiga empat lima slides terskip rupa-rupanya. Those slides ada same title, tapi content berbeza. I thought they were all the same that i wont read overlapping things. So i got the lowest carry mark despite i studied the hardest among other subject. Alhamdulillah, final exam yielded better result. Still, saya sedar saya baca slide tak cukup waktu preparing for final exam. Hehe. Takpalah, semoga ada pahala sebab belajar, walaupun tak dapat ganjaran berbentuk markah tinggi. Success is a journey, a process, not just destination, kan?

Forensic! Was the third rotation for my group. Saya belajar banyak perkara. 3 kes autopsi, kematian mengejut selepas bersalin (pendarahan dalaman rupa2nya), mayat seorang pengembala yang ditemui di ladangnya (heart attack), dan tembakan jarak dekat di kepala (close contact with satellite shape). Semoga Allah mengampuni jenazah2, dan moga mendapat ganjaran kebaikan sebab menjadi medium kami belajar. Selain itu, saya belajar juga proses pereputan mayat. Sungguh, Allah sangat2 berkuasa! Dan azab kubur itu benar, mati itu pasti.

كُلُّ  نَفْسٍ  ذَآءِقَةٌ  المَوْت
Setiap yang bernyawa pasti akan merasai mati.
SodaqaAllahulazhim. Maka telah benarlah segala kata2 Allah yang maha agung.

Anaesthesia, rotation ke-4. Round ni saya minat. Masuk ke dewan bedah, belajar CPR, selfie dengan scrub biru. Keh keh. Tengok juga kes nak sedarkan diri selepas bius, semua tu kuasa Tuhan, ada yg cepat, ada yang tak sedar2 sampai doktor kejut ganaz2 sket. Well, apa2 pun, dia harus sedar! Cemas jugaklah. Belajar lagi pasal fluid, jenis darah, jenis ubat bius. Kita ada iv, kita ada gas. Ada yang sesuai untuk mula2, ada utk maintenance sepanjang pembedahan. Paling best tgk tindak balas tubuh pada atropine. Betapa berkuasanya Tuhan mencipta fitrah, apabila acetacholine bertindak di receptor maka sekian sekian terjadi. Doktor2 bius di hospital sini, sangat santun dan kuat bergantung pada Tuhan. Disuruh pesakit byk ingat Tuhan, zikir, tawakal sebelum dibius. Aku dibius cinta~ erk.

(Unfinished and never finished writing. The draft is published today in 2023 - already passed medical school and currently pursuing post graduate study in shaa Allah. Alhamdulillah.)

Among things that make me happy

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Currently i am in my 4th posting of housemanship. So far, i've completed 1 year of service (read: setahun jagung). And alhamdulillah previous 3 postings had been great and well. I pray for everything to come to be great too. Amiin.

When entring new posting, our previous routines in working life resets to the lowest level again. There are new vocabs to be familiarised, new skills to learn and new environment to adapt with. Which during this entry phase (we call it tagging period), some of us might find themselves at the lowest point in their life. Down to the point they want to quit.

One day when i was in my 1st posting, which was last year, i had this kind of thought of why did i choose this job in the first place... I questioned why dont i choose to work in a less messy environment, well-seated in an air-conditioned office, and there were times that i even start to compare my job with those working at the admission counter 😂 that was because i have to do dressing and insert and off cbd by myself. Pheww.

That was silly.

If u ever did so (of having the thought and start comparing between jobs) , please get rid of those thoughts now.

I was able to accept the reality when i start to love what i do, and do what i love. I use the mindset of: i choose to do this, rather than i have to or was ordered to do this. When dr plan to insert cbd, i seek the reason why: oh, it's to help the patient with bph/for input/output charting etc, and i choose to do it for my patient. U know, when a pakcik with urinary retention who was previously in pain due to his full bladder wanting to explode, the moment u insert cbd then he was relief out of pain... That gives you an avhievement. U just help him 'cure' the pain.

And so does other things/plan. Take blood this patient, measure his bp manually, and all other uncommon order of procedures (or procedures that i think shouldnt be me doing) become easy to carry out day by day. "Ok dr, i will (choose to) do it." With that mindset, 50% of burden unloaded.

When i cant find the reason for the order, i just take it as 'to help my MO'. And of course, to help myself for the future.

So, back to the topic. I am in orthopedic posting. My 3rd day of tagging i dah kena target dengan specialist. Lots of questions asked, but i cant answer. I also unable to familiarised with all the fractures and wounds of my patients. I just dont really know my patients. Consequently, lots of homeworks given. Until my 6th day, the specialist asked me why, who gives u such homeworks that u have to present everyday? And i can only laugh (sopan-ly) saying that it was him all along. Adududu.

And since then, i started to learn thoroughly my patah2 patients. I dont merely do 'counter reviews'. I started to localised where is the wound, where is the fracture, where is the pain etc...

And here comes a patient who i clerked since ED review. He was an elderly in his 80's, came in with femur fracture. Fast forward, he was sheduled for op and everything. However, he comes from an old folks home. So he got no money / close relatives. Only us currently are the nearest to him.

So sometimes i can see my kakak nurse is feeding him. And some other times, the food was left untouched because nobody care to feed him. Up to one point that the pakcik complaint to me of having heartburn. U know, that feeling when u skip meals/not eaten for long time. So sad...

So, they done operation for him. Post op day 2, my sp requested for the patient to ambulate with wheelchair and for ted stockings. Phew.

(Originally written 10/3/2019. Unfinished. I think he did survive, cant barely remember after reading the draft again in 2023. May Allah bless the patient.)