january rant

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah, January has been nice to me. 

Changed my portfolio at work, that is from being in charge at maternal child health clinic to regular outpatient department clinic. I have to hold TB, HIV portfolio, pain clinic as well as hypertension audit. 

So far, i have 'recruited' 2 newly diagnosed PTB patients 😂 i saw them prior sputum afb, but somehow after the results were out they were 'destined' to meet other doctors... hehe hence i have no direct experience yet to initiate tab akurit-4 to ptb patient despite being mo tb hewhew.

I am grateful that my colleagues have been nice and supportive, hardworking, doing our best in seeing patients... basically we were all new to each other hence no deep attachment or heart feeling if we had ever done something unexpected. I dont know if it was only me or everyone feeling the same, we only met at work and most of the time we were talking only about work. I feel good about it, but yeah, things are just great like this. 

Usually we will get a new planner by KKM, but until now (final week of January 2023) we still haven't get it yet. It's quite disappointing though. I really appreciate the planner given by kkm since previous years, that no empty page left as the year ended 😂

Anyway, bought my own..but still waiting for the courier to deliver it.

I think i have undiagnosed ADHD, but somehow i started to see everyone around me struggling the same/ similar symptoms but living fine undiagnosed. Well, so far i give myself time and kind of watchful waiting, if things are getting worse or disturbing then i will seek professional medical attention to confirm my self-doubt. 

So far i need to write everything in places i can see.

Avoid multitasking without written to-do list.

Reply messages now or never.

Listen more in conversation.

Drive slower and farther from the front vehicles.

But today i blurted my thoughts to a patient. "Do you smoke? I can smell a very strong odour from you," i told a patient. Rupa2nya the cleaning staff tengah bakar sampah dekat tepi klinik 😭 i minta maaf dgn the patient and lucky enough he is very supportive and just laugh with my sudden reaction. #impulsiveme

Today i managed to complete a mortality report (after 1 week of procrastination), that is only i have listed step by step of what and how to do things. Thanks to my colleagues who are very helpful (both mo and ma are kind alhamdulillah).

I also managed to run errands for my ngo i'm participating. Things are so smooth if we took care of our niat on why we're doing things. Alhamdulillah. Went to 3 shops before i get to have my task done (potostat ja pun), the 3rd shop baru berjaya.

Lepas kuar dari kedai, i sat long in the car before driving back home. Cabut pin betulkan my shawl yg dah ke belakang nampak dahi jendul, wear my lipbalm and sprayed perfume. Then i drive happily back home sambil makan kinder bueno.

These small things help me to be insane and mindful, less stress and be happy with today's achievement, because, my adhd brain dont easily feel happy unless i do something to feel happy. The brain just didnt give enough happiness signal eventho i did things amazingly at work today. 

Oh yeah i forgot to mention that i refered a maternal case to ED at 450pm. Haha. That is an achievement u know, to punch out 5pm without dragging time haha.

Today also jadi mo standby waktu lunch hour, so by 2-3 pm keluar pergi zus coffee, pkul 3pm masuk kerja semula. Good day alhamdulillah.

Esok jumaat, semoga lebih murah rezeki. Amiin.

Ps. Nampak tak ideas are unorganized in this post hahahaha #rant

2022 recap

Alhamdulillah

The year 2022 has been a rollercoaster of emotions in my career, specifically.

At the beginning of the year, i was assigned as the MO in charge for the maternal child clinic department in my KK. I see antenatal cases every morning, with postnatal follow ups, well child examinations as well as covering growth monitoring for children until 6y/o. Besides getting along with nurses and staffs from mch clinic, i also worked with my fellow staff nurses from 4 other klinik desa (community clinics).

In mch, i have to master the scan, contraceptives counseling and insertion, as well as tackling infants and childrens developmental assessment.

I joined a 3-month-duration attachment program with specialists from O&G department in the state hospital to master basic gyne and antenatal ultrasound skill.

I went to various courses and meetings related to mch issues, such as 20-hour lactation course, perinatal and under 5 mortality meetings, being baby-friendly clinic auditor, being chief investigator for aefi incident in another clinic, delivered cmes to fellow mos and nurses, doing monthly reten, etc. I also managed to join volunteer program under papisma on weekends. Alhamdulillah. The last course that i attended was implanon removal course hehehe.

My personal achievements - what i mean by personal is only i celebrate it haha - were 1) getting anemia rate lowest among other clinics during jan-sept meeting hehe, 2) successfully removed an implanon of a patient for the first time hahaha (dec 2022), 3) took medex and ace it alhamdulillah (nov-dec 2022), 4) drive by myself to airport and left my car there for 'a business trip' flight - which i never thought i would do such before, well, i used to have my parents sending and fetching me everywhere i go previously during school/studying days.

There was a sad moment though, which when i was not offered for permanent post in my career. I was sad because i had compared with my fellow friends. There would be discrepancy in salary, time of service, etc. I think i was at least equal to them, if not any lower. But then i realised this is a matter of rezeki. There were lots more persons with better quality, skills and achievements but also didnt get the offer. Well, we just dont find faults in ourselves, will ya?

It was after that sorrow period that i braced myself and challenged to take medex exam. I have my worth, and being offered permanent or contract is not going to downgrade my 'worth'.

I have to keep going. I have to find ways to further study. Taking medex is one small step for the beginning.

Anyway, i had a blast on my last days of working. I remembered there was one afternoon, when i finished seeing a patient but still documenting the findings, a child came walking alone into the room and wandered around. I greeted him but there was no reply heard. He looked at me, and then i remembered that he was one of my patients with adhd and speech delay. The child took a sit near me, watching me writing, he was listening to my questions but he was silent. Later, he waves his hands to me and went outside the room. I was stunned. 'oh, he was trying to talk with me! he was saying goodbye just now' and i can feel my eyes became teary. He remembered me, myb during the first time i met him. Hopefully all the efforts done to make him converse are fruitful.

Besides that, i jaga fever clinic on the last friday of 2022. Surprisingly, there was only 1 patient came in the afternoon session after friday prayer hahaha. So i spent the rest of my time with sudoku and freecell hahahaha.

When i was walking with other staffs, there were times when miscommunication and errors happened. There was one session when i had to call them face to face explaining where and whose the fault was, later offering solutions (and punishment hehe). Types of punishment would be the head nurse should deliver cme in their respective klinik desa if they had ever messed with any case management.

I hope i had resolved interpersonal issues with them, i lanjer starbucks (bancuh sendiri hahaha) as token of appreciations and token minta maaf berleter banyak dkt diorang 😂 (pray may Allah accept the deed amiin)

Most difficult patient would be one lady from anti-everything side. Lets not talk more about that. 

Most beloved moment was on my last day working when suddenly a kakak nurse came to me and handed me a gift from her recent umrah trip. Alhamdulillah. I feel appreciated hehe

Anyway, that's all (part of) recaps, written in hurry few minutes prior 12 midnight 31/12/22, but somehow i terlajak jugak. So nanti post ni jadi 1st post for 2023 lol.

There were no cheezy drama relationship thingy moment in my 2022, i am just simply grateful for everything and everyone around me.

Apart from career, in 2022 my car had its first kemek at back door after being hit by another car while i was changing the lane (or myb i hit that another car lol), alhamdulillah it was a smooth process and solved. Since then i invested in 70mai dashcam set (so my 1st 70mai is in 2022, after 4 years loyalty to yicam front-dashcam only)

Travel-wise, alhamdulillah done recap in my ig.

Anyway, this is it. Alhamdulillah for everything. I thank Allah for everything. 

لا حول ولا قوّة الّا بالله

There is no will and strength except for what Allah has decreed upon us

May Allah bless every moment with barakah,

Semoga 2022 diberkati,

Semoga 2023 dipermudahkan segala urusan kebaikan.

Alhamdulillah utk 2022,

Bismillah utk 2023.

Dengan nama Allah yg dengannya tiada mudarat pada segala sesuatu di langit dan di bumi 🤍✨