2018 II

Bismillah

First draft for 2019's goals:

- towards better health and lifestyle
- established morning routine
- less online/virtual shopping, more real physical shopping 😂
- more and more giving/charity
- near and nearer to death so dont forget to prepare
- i plan to get married after 26 (at least 1 year of working) ! 😊
- consistent saving for hajj trip with mak and ayah
- i want to travel solo/on mission somewhere before jadi mo (inspired by Dr Farnaz, my aussie lecturer who works globally from primary centre), so possibly this will be achieved at 2020 😂😂

In shaa Allah

Now that i have 2019 draft, let's step into the new year with doa and tawakkal with my plans.

Allah knows best!

2018

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. 2018 has been another wonderful year. Alhamdulillah...

January, i went to kl for 2 weeks to take care of my niece who got chicken pox. Went to GPO to buy shoes for my working days (later). Got to register for e-Ho (placement for housemanship) easily at home with no internet interuption etc alhamdulillah.

Settled all the official paperworks upon start working. Been to mahkamah to angkat sumpah and pejabat hasil for mati setem for the first time.

February, i got my first job. One of (the many) dream jobs i had since little hehe. Bought my first car with the offer letter and received it at 8th day of working. Phew. Alhamdulillah.

And i remembered that ayah brought me to the post office to renew my driving licence for another 2 years.
A memory i treasured.

March until June passed with me experiencing "all the first times memories" in my career in surgical department, of first time been in ot, first oncall, first ward round, first scrub, first time stepping into icu... Etc etc hahaha. Oh yeah, never take cuti rehat.

June, started 2nd posting. First time suturing (after start working) 😂😂😂 sutured my patients catheters on my own. Medical department was the busiest of all. Survived eventful on calls. Only took 1 mc during the whole 4 months because of dehydration post vomiting episodes during on call night that i was so weak the next day i barely survived it.

Good thing about medical department is, the members and environment are warm and understanding. They just dont do idiot things like pressuring/threatening us about our superiors. Not like in current posting tho.

October, my first train trip (ETS) with both parents. All this while i've been traveling alone. And all this while, it was them who took care of me during travel. Meals. Toilet. Prayers. Then that time, it reversed. I am glad i got to treat them ayam penyet at kls station upon arrival before we proceed to our destination. Travelling with parents is indeed a blessed journey in and out.

October also was the month we welcomed a new family member (the reason my parents trip to kl with ETS). Later another member comes after 11 days apart.

November went well with my mom, sister and sister in law were in our house for confinement. My mom did her 2nd THR operation, of which again, ayah is the one who been with her most of the time. I was busy working in my 3rd department, kakak in confinement, abang working too, so only ayah was by her side alll the time. Alhamdulillah the operation went smoothly.

Mother had both her femoral head buried in the ground by ayah with kakak and I to accompany him on both separate occasions.

December, we had a blast of event for kenduri akikah for both babies and kenduri kesyukuran at our house. Some people mistaken the kenduri for a wedding. Haha who else isn't married in the house... So, does it mean wedding should be bigger later? Haha.

Anyway, 2018 was a blessed year for me alhamdulillah. May 2019 will be filled with full of blessing, mercy and guidance. May Allah love me and my family. Amiin.

Hard days shall pass

- bismillah -

Whenever i think i get mistreated, i feel sad.
But i tell myself, this is temporary.
Those who are rude to me, or look down on me, will meet Allah too.
And in the hereafter, i wouldnt want to be bothered by them. Let them ask for forgiveness only from Allah. Dont come and disturb me in the akhirat.

I have only Allah.

HD

Semoga Allah ampunkan aku.
Semoga direzekikan syurga.

My first ELOT

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Currently i am in my 3rd posting, O&G...

***
Today (22/11/18) is my first turn for Elective Operations. I got 2 cases of removing uterus. Buang rahim...

A day before, which was yesterday, i was very nervous. At about 1 hour before my shift ended, i went upstairs to the respective ward to check on those ELOT patients.

Surprisingly, i saw the surgeons already made entries and reviewed the patients pre op. I cant imagine if i dont 😂

Upon reviewing their files, i flipped through old operative notes of another patient. I copied the procedures and plan because i just dont know what to do on my 1st day of elot coming morning. So i prepared every forms i can 1 day before elot.

Turned out that my MO made another forms all by herself today 😂😅 i left speechless.. Anyway she praised my effort, it's just that my forms need lots of alterations so she just make new ones.

Well, the whole universe know about 'rumours' about this department, in any hospital. They said this is the scariest, most horror posting etc etc.

I entered this posting with all those bad rumours in my head. Everyday was faced with palpitation and anxiety.

'i heard they throw away files/tickets on the floor'
'they always shout'
'it' s all housemen faults! '
And so on...

Well, on my first day, i was surprised to know that there is bacaan yasin every friday. Whatttt. Last time i know about this routine was during my high school. Okay, i was surprised about it on my firsy day...

Surprise no 2, there are foods/ceremony/gatherings almost every week! Ada ja orang buat kenduri... And everyone's invited!

Surprise no 3, one of my specialists check on me whether i ate or not before proceeding for second ot. I wassssss amazed, shocked, speechless...

Why i heard all bad rumours about them all in this department before 😭 when indeed they are so kind, especially when talking to patients...

Well, i pray may Allah bless all good souls.

Ps. Yg garang2 marah2 tu ada, and it is parallel with the rumours 😂

Ps 2. "awak dah 5th poster eh?" kembang dua minit, lps tu duk konfius posting ke berapa dah ni haha

Ps 3. Kalo dah pi medan perang, jangan patah balik. Dosa.Despite rasa susah dan payah, hadirkan diri jugak lah. In my case, i aim utk fill in log book as the reward utk segala 'kesusahan' berjuang jadi elot. Hehehehe.

Keep calm, trust Him

Bismillah

Hanya dengan mengingati Allah, hati menjadi tenang.

Jagalah Allah, Allah akan menjagamu.

Semoga, perjalanan hidup dan mati ini dalam redha dan jagaan Allah.

Amiin.
🌹

Fate

I must trust Allah for everything. Surely, His promises are all true.

🌹

30 minutes before going home

- bismillah -

It was a saturday working day. So basically we get the busiest in the morning but more relax in the evening. I worked with team of 4 for a ward, so it was very managable alhamdulillah. Tracing finished as early as before 12, so did blood cm forms which settled before 3 i guess. There was 1 aor discharge, 2 new admissions and transfer in, and every other thing was just in place. We were able to eat a good proper lunch (at 5pm plus).

Until at 630pm, 30 mins before punch out... A patient became unstable.

Cpr with crash intubation until 40 mins, but the patient didnt survive. After settling all the death documentations, we went home at 830pm, sweating, tired, sleepy, and hungry (again)...

So that's basically my life. I think i can go at 7pm sharp, but my patient is my priority.

Anyway alhamdulillah all works settled before that event. Otherwise, would have to settle all ward works before going home.

❤️

8th month of housemanship

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Less than 15 days left for me in medical department. Things are never can be expected, some days are hectic that i went home at midnight, while some other days i can even sleep while awaiting the time to punch out 😆😆😆

So i just choose to be grateful. I am grateful for my busy days and even more grateful that i know Allah is with me helping me to settle the works... Especially when managing a whole ward alone. Pheww. La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. I truly incapable except with the help of Him.

And ironically, on a calm day, i easily feel sleepy. Everything runs slowly. Haha.

Anyway, i am grateful for both my busy and calm days.

My most hectic oncall was one with few new admissions, new peri referal, unstable patients in main ward, scheduled blood taking of dengue patients, etc.

Last time was my second most hectic oncall. 10 (TEN) new admissions in two wards. Basically have to run here and there in between admissions and rounds. There's one asystole patient in peri ward, so went there for cpr and eventually LO (death) documentation. I eventually managed to take blood for morning orders at 8am onwards. Omg. Able to take fasting bloods at 7am but then the oncall mo still wanted to do round 😂😂😂 i cursed the ticking clock in my heart.. Not the mo hahahaha (he was just doing his job riteee)

And above all, i am grateful that Allah make me able to pray... That is the biggest blessing in any day whether hectic or calm one.... Alhamdulillah

I started to be grateful of time

Thank you Allah for my life and career you choose for me.

May my life ends well in His blessing.
Amiin.

❤️

I'm done

I just dont want to get married yet.
I havent met one who i think i can devote myself to, respect, care and love.

And i just realised, Allah can give me one with all the characters/dream i want, but we just didnt click.

And i come to realise, His choice is always above my choice. He knows better who is the one for me.

As for now, i want to regain back my focus of-why-suddenly-changed-from-hospitalbased-to-kkbased

Farhana, strive for excellence! Dont let sands and grains bugging u when you are handling golfballs!

May Allah bless me, my parents and family

Bismillah

Alhamdulillah.

Hari ni cuti. Ayah pulak sakit pinggang. So dari pagi ayah mintak adik turun beli nasik lemak. Selalunya ayah buat semua benda, dari beli makan pagi sampai makan malam. Sedih pun ada, gementar pun ada. Haha.

Sis neves sebenarnya nak pi beli di kedai yg rebut2/kena order cakap kuat2. Haha.

Lps tu keluar dgn mak pergi beli makan tgh hari pulak. Mak ajak singgah kedai anakku utk beli barang baby utk my bakal anak2 buah. Hurm. First time la jugak sebenarnya keluar berdua dgn mak dan drive plus parking hahaha. Sblum ni tau tekan minyak, jalan dan berenti ja. Mak ayah yg turun naik keta. Ayah yg parking/drop kalau aku sendiri nak turun pi mana2. Anak bertuah ni pemalas nk turun / drive / fikir nk cari parking.

Alhamdulillah, berkat bawa mak di sebelah, parking sangatlah senang dapat. SubhanAllah betapa Allah angkat doa ibu.

Boleh bawa mak beli kasut baru jugak. Kesian mak sakit kaki. Tapi dia still kuat semangat nak pi beli baju cucu2 dia. Ikutkan maksu ni, nak beli online jaaaa semua benda kalo boleh.

Sebenarnya tadi 50-50 paksa rela gak nak drive keluar pekan tu. Niat nak pi beli makan tgh hari saja. Tapi bila tgk mak bersungguh nak ajak keluar dan singgah kedai, maka ku lawan jugak perasaan neves dan malas tu. Biasalah, nak keluar dari comfort zone mmg la susah. (kalo ikutkan perut sendiri, malas keluar beli makan maka pasti akan skip ja makan tgh hari tu hahahaha... Tp fikir perut mak ayah, kena lah jugak pi cari makanan)

Malam pulak, sama la takdak makanan. Tp mak ayah dah tak larat nak keluar beli dah. Jadi, buat pertama kali dalam masa 6 bulan bekerja, i cooked. Ye saya masak. Fes time sebagai doktor hahahaah. Nampak dak aktiviti hidup ku byk 'terjejas/terbantut' lps kerja.. Hehe

Sambil masak malam tu, mak nasihat2 la pasal nak kahwin ni...

Urm

Fikir2 balik, i kinda tak nak kawen dlm masa terdekat sbb tak nak keluar dari comfort zone sebenarnya. Mcm pagi tadi, berat nyaa lahai nak bawa diri pi beli nasik huhuhu sampai sanggup terfikir nak skip makan ja hahahah

Apadaaa farhanaaa...

Urm

Doa.

Ayat mak kata malam ni, "mak duk doa anak2 mak jadi ustaz/ah, tapi tak dak anak2 jadi ustaz/ah, tgk2 Allah nak bagi menantu ustaz/ah dlm keluarga kita (in shaa Allah)"

Tiba2 teringat salam2 perkenalan dari kalangan ustaz2 😂 omg aku tak leh lari dari doa mak

Ok sekian.

Doakan perjodohan dan perkahwinan saya diberkati dan dalam petunjuk serta dirahmati Allah.

Amiin.

Alhamdulillah

18/8/18
Cantik tarikh nih hehe

Alhamdulillah, dah hampir 6 bulan aka setengah tahun dalam housemanship. :) sekarang dlm posting ke-2.

Posting pertama, surgical, berakhir dengan alhamdulillah baik2 saja. Drama2 tak cukup cme, logbook dan assessment di akhir posting. Hewhew.

I enjoyed surgical posting very much. The symptoms and causes are pretty much straight forward. And i think i exaggerate my ocd-ness bila masuk OT time hand washing, scrubbing and gowning😂. And best masuk ot, can touch here and there while assisting... Tak macam zaman belajar dulu, intai dari jauhhhh jer hehe.

Now, in 2nd posting, medical. Still adapting, but i think after 1 month baru boleh terima kenyataan medical ni ok jer. 1st week, rasa sgt burden dgn workloads, 1st month burden dgn oncall EOD sbb tak cukup ho... Now ok dah, on call seminggu sekali saja sbb dah ramai ho... And some mo's pun dah kenal, so hopefully boleh okay sampai ke akhirnya.

Benda best ialah bila dr tahu i dah surgical, so dia biar i jahit suture utk secure fem cath sorang2. Hehe. Dekat surgical tak pernah pegang suture pun 😂 mf pernah offer suruh jahit tapi tak berani nanti rosak tissue orang hahahaha

And today, alhamdulillah, round pagi di hdw, dr c luangkan masa ajar cara baca chart hdw. SubhanAllah tak pernah ada orang ajar sedetailed yg dia ajar. And dia tanya, nak hospital ke nak kk -based bila jadi MO nanti?
Surgical based or medical based?

Nampaknya, i need to make decision from now... Who i picture myself in the future.

Learn, practice and kumpul experience banyak2 masa ho ni. Ingat, nanti nak jadi mo/sp... Bukan selamanya ho...

In shaa Allah. Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan kebaikan. Semoga Allah berkati dan izinkan penutup yang terbaik utk setiap perbuatan, kerja dan amal.

Salam zulhijjah.
Semoga Allah izinkan haji dan umrah pada masa yang terbaik❤️

Mengadap boss

Hari ni kena hantar surat.

A review,
B tulis round s/b,
C amik darah.

A punya pasal, B dengan C kena. Lps tu A suruh B mengaku salah. A memang senior yang teruk. Luckily dia dah nak keluar department. Semoga dia kena benam banyak2 dalam posting depan. Urmmmm.

The truth and the reality are there, hidden

- bismillah -

It's been a long time since i can sit down and write something here.

In this life, we do not know:
- we would live up to what age?
- how is our future self?
- what kind of ujian would we face?
- who would we meet and live together?
- when would we be parted from our loved ones...?

Thinking tomorrow is myb just our last day in life... Until proven otherwise.

Oh Allah, never left me alone in this heartbreaking temporary world.

I just want Your eternal jannah. Pls grant me in with my loved ones. Amiin.

Takpalah, jaga berkat

Dr tanya kenapa xda ldh, xda amylase...

I can just make up the values... High value and get the diagnosis straight away.

But i wont lie, i wont cheat.

Hence i receive a lecture and dissappointing look from my dr. "u have no logic" kinda impression.

Oh Allah, may i ask for Jannah to replace this broken piece of ending...

Allahumma ighfirli.

(the values were not there because the first person seeing it doesnt take it in the first place. So... If i got "no logic" later then i'll be just like that... So alhamdulillah for getting "no logic" now so that i may not repeat the mistake later...)

اللهمّ اجعلني لسان صدق في الآخرين واجعلني من ورثة جنّة النّعيم

Ujian

Sesungguhnya, kehadiran antara kita ialah satu ujian.

Sesungguhnya, aku mahu menjaga keberkatan,
Aku mahu menjaga tawakkalku pada Tuhan,
Aku mahu menjaga setiap doa dan harapan.

Jika baik, untuk dunia dan akhiratku, maka akan dipermudahkan.

"alhamdulillah, anakku punya sandaran (pada Tuhan)," kata ibuku.

Semoga, hidup dan mati ini diredhai Allah.

4 days to go...

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah... Allah maha besar. Pejam celik, lagi 4 hari untuk saya exam end of posting... Bermakna lagi 4 hari untuk habis bulan ketiga... In shaa Allah.

Doakan, penutup nya adalah kebaikan :)

Semoga Allah berkati saya.

Semoga pekerjaan ini bukan menzalimi diri sendiri atau sesiapa.

Terima kasih Allah atas segalanya. Terima kasih atas segala persepsi, layanan, teguran, ceramah dan tunjuk ajar yang Kau izinkan berlaku.

Sesungguhnya, tiada daya dan upaya melainkan dengan pertolongan Allah.

Senyum

Allah akan ganti yang lebih baik, asalkan kita redha dengan apa yg kita 'hilang' / tak dapat capai.

🌸

In action

- bismillah -

Today, is a full day alhamdulillah. My patients that i've been following them since admission have been discharged today. I am happy that i was a part of their healing journey.

Everyday, is an opportunity to learn and to challenge ourselves. Today, one of my bedbound patient suddenly developed calfs pain which tender on palpation, mild dizziness and sob. She was very tachypneic. However noted lungs are relatively clear, afebrile eventhough warm on touch. I took her blood 😂 it was the most challenging event to take blood from pt with query sepsis/PE.

PE and septic work up
Portable cxray
ECG

Balik umah cek blood ix, everything was negative for both PE and sepsis.

Haha. So tadi was a pretest from Allah for me to get ready for my 1st oncall.

Then where was the source of 156bpm heartbeat with febrile feeling without elevation in temperature.
🤔🤔🤔

Dr senyum je bila almost sejam baru dapat blood. Dr baru tau saya 1st poster. Hehehehe. I've done my best. My friends pun done their best in helping me and the patient.

Semoga esok lebih baik.
Amiin.

Ps. Tadi dr H medical tegur, aku ingat hang... Hehehe alhamdulillah... Bersalah jugak la tak perkenalkan diri pernah jadi student elektif.. Sbb risau dr tak ingat. Hewhew. So tak konpiden.

Anyway, doakan yang baik2...

Semoga Allah izin farhana jadi dr yg kompeten. Amiin.

Ps2. Haaa lupa. Haritu dah merasa bagging sambil berlari ke OT utk patient yang perforated GU. Hewhew. Drama sangattt.

Semoga Allah lindung farhana selalu

- bismillah -

Tidak akan menimpa kami, melainkan apa yang telah tertulis kepada kami.

Quite disappointed today to have mess things up in front of my mentor, however, that's all poops from my colleagues. Two of them just dont join the round, leaving me and a kakak who dont really talk/presenting anything, to present to the dr. Some of the cases are well known to me, but the rest are quite vague.

Lessons learnt are that:
Settle my own job first,
Dont listen/talk/interact to one who left poops everywhere,

I just dont want to talk to that person tomorrrow.

"Hey, lets practice presenting",

Remember me to reply with something not so good to the ear to her tomorrow.

Selfish people. I'll be more selfish than u towards u.

Not now

- bismillah -

Today is my off day. Spent time with my beloved parents. Alhamdulillah.

Mom talked about our kampung... One house can be built here for my abang, one other there for my sis and me and so on.

I said to her that i dont have such a vision/mision to build a house, yet. What i see now is i want to further my study, go for master programme or parallel exams, then be a specialist, and to practice in uk. That is my 10-year long term goal. Haha. (it is good to dream high right?)

Then suddenly my mom asked,
Rumah tangga macam mana?

Reality hits me hard.

My 3rd week of housemanship

- bismillah -

Out of the many days that had passed, there was a night that 
i witnessed how my kind MO developed hypoglycemia secondary to hyperdedication.

Allah bless him and all good and kind doctors.

My 2nd week of housemanship

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah... Dah masuk minggu kedua. Esok start hari pertama minggu ke-3.

Cabaran hari2 berbeza.

Dan bila diri sendiri rasa berat dan byk workload, sebenarnya orang lain pun ada workload masing2. So far, hold on to the daily doa... And only Allah can help me in every situation.

Merasa lah review 9 patients utk night round.
Balik pkul 12 tgh malam.
And paling takleh blah bila terkapai2 present case pada visiting consultant urologist. 😪😅 dia mai pkul 11 malam kot.. Naseb baik che tak balik tinggal wad tadak orang 😪😪😪

Anyway, everyday is a blessing.

Semoga hidup dan matiku dalam jagaan Allah.

My 1st week of housemanship

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah... Segala puji bagi Allah. Tiada daya dan upaya melainkan dengan izin Allah.

Saya dah mula seminggu berkerja di wad. So far so good, banyak benda belajar hari2.

Masa medical school,
Org yg ada suspected GI bleed, next step ialah reassess bla bla bla sampailah buat scope utk investigate.

Tapi lps masuk kerja, bila sebut scope ni kita tak terhenti di situ ja, tp lps dr plan utk scope, kita kena buat form consent dan checklist. Haha. So it's more to technical issue la utk bergelut awal2 nih.

Colleagues, alhamdulillah diorang pun byk tunjuk contoh yg baik. Very helpful. Dgn syarat jgn la pi kacau depa waktu depa tak okay haha.

Bila tgk balik, Allah atur dan izin utk ikut elektif di medical ward dulu masa belajar, walaupun plan asal mintak dept lain tapi tak dapat. Byk yg angels waktu tu ajar saya.

And on my first day pun dah tolong turun clerk dekat ED. Haha. I cant believe in what happened too. Tapi alhamdulillah, pakcik tu dah selamat Discharge kemarin lps 5 hari di hospital. My first patient yg i treat (with the team la).

And met the angel there. Recognised me. Surprisingly.

And to think again, bila kita ajar dan turunkan ilmu dkt orang lain, best kan bila pahala sentiasa mengalir. Sekarang, nak pasang branula, teringat cikgu2 yg ajar, nak isi form pun, teringat cikgu2 yg ajar. Alhamdulillah.

Sampai semalam ada kakak tu cakap, dia pun baru la jugak, "kakak kesian dkt farhana, 1st poster dh kena buat macam2. Kakak dulu 1st poster senior2 semua ajar tau."

Then i just realised, i learnt most of the things masa elektif dulu. So masa masuk kali ni, mungkin ada clue sikit2 walau tak semua, tp bukan total clueless la. Dan dr2 mo and specialist pun supporting in their own way.

As long as" i choose to do it", not with the attitude of "i have to do it", in shaa Allah rasa ringan sikit la utk buat apa2. Lagipun, utk buat benda yg kita xpernah buat, ialah utk keluar dari comfort zone... And keluar dari comfort zone bukanlah perkara mudah.

So, my record in my 1st week ialah:
- hantar lab form, tp tak cop & sign. Haha lols. Kawan yg tlg turun lab copkan.
- hantar gsh, tp tak tulis diagnosa (sbb tak perasan dan 'tak faham' word tu hahahah #bajet). Turun pi blood bank utk tulis. Takpa saya tak kisah byk jalan, asalkan jgn reject the sample hahaha.
- request blood for the first time, berjaya! Lgpun mmg my patient (my 1st patient tu la) tachypneic pun, symptomatic anemia. Rezeki pak cik tu.
- hantar blood 1st time, 3x cucuk, rejected sbb clotted. Kesian pakcik tu huhuhuhu.
- rasa excited tgk lab result darah yg kita amik sendiri dan nama sendiri form dia utk another patient. Yeay, blood not rejected. Yeay, branula dia berfungsi walaupun masa pasang tu menitik2 darah. Sorii uncle. Hihu.
- my patients and their family bade me goodbye bila diorang dah discharge
- ada patient LO, may Allah bless his soul
- masuk scope room, belajar dilute ubat. Rasa teruja sbb boleh sedarkan patient lps bagi flumazenil. "ni kamu, pi teman mak cik kat luar nu, elderly patient ni mudah collapse" ttba rasa aku ni boleh diharap jugak eh hahaha. Actually pernah bawak tok ke scope, so i treat the elderly lady like my tok laa...

Anyway, my hypothesis so far is that the definitive treatment for any elderly is TLC, tender loving care. You'll be surprised how even an ADL dependent suddenly sitting down on the bed and greeting you good morning sambil baca newspaper. 😂 malam sblum tu dressing kaw kaw punya sampai pakcik tu insaf dan dia pun start tunjuk effort utk jaga luka dia... Hehe. Dan ada pakcik yg start feeling well lps masuk scope.. Hehe padahal itu investigation, bukan ada treat apa2 pun utk dia. Hehe. My TLC hypothesis seems accepted right...

Doakan, diberkati segalanya. :)

How my king treat his princess

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah, today i get a chance to attend a wedding. Usually i would go with my father only since my mother finds it difficult to move around in crowded places like kenduri with her walking stick/frame.

I noticed that most of the time, firstly, my father would find me a table/place to sit. Next, after he has finished eating, most of the time i've always the later to finish my meal haha, he would wait for me to finish my food before going to wash his hands. It is not just that. He would bring along my plate stacked together on his. Me? I just has to stand up and straightly go to the sink.

😂

I know, it should be me who took the role. However, i love my father for his love. His sign of love is act of service. He would just do anything to his family, as long as he is in good health. I remembered when he was sick one day, due to hernia and slip disc, he just cant do anything and just lie down. I feel so helpless at the moment.

He makes me feel special.

Alhamdulillah. May Allah bless him, and increase his darajat as one of His specials.

Amiin.

Ps. I am just one of his princesses. You know what, he's been verry more loving and helpful to his queen. ❤️ alhamdulillah.

1st week in service

I started my housemanship since last week with PTM course, it was a compulsary course for every goverment servants.

Starting this Monday, i reported my duty to the hospital, and today is my 4th day.

My batch was 14 people in total, with same number of males and females.

The first week is packed with pathological course, starting with histo/cyto, biochem, hemato, microbe - labs.

(updated)

On our 5th day of posting, we got chances to draw blood from each other, that was to screen our blood sugar and lipid. Alhamdulillah i managed to draw up blood easily from my friend's arm, however, poor her, not her fault at all, but my blood seemed not getting out at all. After 4th poke and changes of needles, with 3 people trying for it including the staff nurses, finally the blood flow out.

Oh my goodness that was hurt to have it in both of my arms.

After friday prayer, we submitted forms to the HR department. We were given a logbook for our respective postings. Alhamdulillah, i got surgery as my first posting.

I dont know how things will go later on, but i must say alhamdulillah first above anything rite?

:)

Pray. Pray i'm a safe and competent doctor. May Allah bless me and my friends.

Amiin.

❤️

Ptm reflection #2

- bismillah -

1) i appreciate what i got, what i have been through, and what will i face later in the future.

2) good friends are ones who let you be you.

3) smiles, are God gifts.

4) every person has different challenges.

5) rezeki tetap ada, it'll never be missed. What's destined for you, will surely reach you.

1) i thank Allah for every single thing. He has bestowed me with easeness and smoothen my journey up till here, i pray that everything in the past will be accepted and diredhai. As for the future, i pray for a better me in His view.

6) only Allah can suffice us, the human being. You may think u need this and that, but in the end, the assurance that He will always give u what u need/what u can handle, then you can live your life fully with no regrets nor frustration. Dont get frustrated!

7) jagalah Allah, Allah menjagamu.

8), 9), 10),
i'll just keep them as non written memories... :) they are good to be remembered, but not too good to be reminded, and even too harmful to be continued haha.
Yg pastinya, farhana dan monolognya didengari Tuhan.

Anyway, my PTM was an enjoyable one alhamdulillah.
Pray for my housemanship which will start soon!

Ptm reflection

- bismillah -

Suddenly a short film reminded me of my teacher doctors. May Allah bless them all, with the highest blessing of Jannah.

Dosa pahala

- bismillah -

Perkara kecil, berupaya menjadi permulaan kepada perkara besar.

Kenalilah perkara kecil yang menjerumuskan kamu kepada perkara besar.

Jika perkara besar itu kebaikan,
Jika perkara besar itu keburukan,

Maka perkara kecil yang menjadi pemula iti perlu dikenal pasti. Kerasa perkara itulah penentunya sama ada perlu dimulakan atau dijauhi.

Mula dengan mendengar muzik lalai, boleh membawa kepada kelalaian seterusnya, hingga lah menjemput dosa. Bermula dengan stalk profile facebook, hingga membuang masa membaca novel sampah dengan karektor2 toleh/tolehah (lawan kepada soleh/solehah).

Kerana biah solehah itu, bukan sekadar tempat berpijak realiti, tetapi juga dituntut di alam maya.

Carilah pemula kepada kebaikan, perkara kecil yang membawa kepada pahala berterusan, jangan dimulakan dengan perkara kecil yang menjerumus kepada kesusahan hidup dunia dan akhirat.

Semoga Allah ampuni aku. Amiin.

Random

- bismillah -

Dah lama tak menulis post dekat fb. Rindu ketika tak perlu fikir org nk terasa ke apa ke. Rindu gak nak jadi poyo tanpa rasa poyo. Haha.

Sesungguhnya, at certain part of our life, we would ask ourselves, is this the life i want?

As for me, everything is currently in its place alhamdulillah. I know and i am aware that, this life and everything in it is temporary. Things can just change. I pray that Allah will preserve the deen and faith for me till my last breath.

It is just that i dont like it when it comes about not meeting my jodoh yet. I dont want such a matter to disturb my gratefulness and sense of overall wellbeing, over other matters that i already have/achieved.

Anyway, i dont pray that he comes too soon either. I just dont know what is the best time. And i just want to live my life in full gratefullness and submission only to Allah, despite having a husband by my side, or not yet. I just want a healthy spiritual attachment and a good sense of well being. Not related to having a partner or not.

The thing is, can i do that?

Another blessed day alhamdulillah

- bismillah -

Hari ni day 4 di KL (trip kali ke 2 utk tahun ni, bulan jan sekali, feb pulak..).

Agenda:
1) 9 AM - check out hotel
2) simpan bagpack di locker KL sentral
3) breakfast
4) take train KL sentral to KL
5) pergi MMC ambil sijil pendaftaran sementara
6) pergi butik cloverush!
7) sampai KL sentral pukul 3pm
8) dinner
9) tunggu train balik Perlis

Nota:
1) tido dekat brickfield dgn nuha. Amik grab dari kl sentral (lol) sbb tgk map macam jauh padahal cross nu boleh ja. LUCKILY alhamdulillah kami tak jalan. Sbb kawasan tu bahaya... My sis dah pesan awal dah tapi rasa mcm ok lagi, tapi bila abang grab pesan kata kawasan tu bahaya red alert pun menyala dlm diri. Muram jap dalam keta tu sbb risau haha. Anyway, abg grab tu cukup berjasa dengan pesanan beliau. Esok pagi cerah benderang pun kami naik grab lagi. Walaupun rasa nak turun dekat dpn nu tapi macam baru tak sampai seminit masuk keta, so turun depan hilton. Haha.

2) drlocker.com bagusss! Belajar dgn nuha jugak. Bagus sbb kalau tak ingat nombor locker pun takpa, sistem yang bukak kan. Tayah pegang kunci. Yg perlu ialah SCAN MUKA. awas: kalau pendek, tinggi2kan badan, jangan berdiri jauh sangat nanti camera tak leh detect huhuhu. Utk bagpack boleh amik locker saiz kecik mcm drawer tu, store bag lay flat, RM 10. Cari dekat lobi pintu masuk level 2, tangga opposite Nu.

3) nasi lemak treats ja haha. Baru tahu ada kedai makan kat situ. Kak dgn abg arif selalu bawa makan dkt nu ja haha. So, dinner pun makan area situ hehe.

4) ya ampun nak tgk direction train ni pun agak2 ja. Tgk betul, terus lalu escalator tu. Lps tu gelabah sbb tak cek platform lagi satu pi mana plak ntah. Haha. Dan disebabkan noobie, amiklah komuter arah tanjung malim. Lama gak la menunggu. Padahal baru tringat boleh amik LRT turun pasar seni & jalan ke stesen KL tu... Huhuhu. Org menunggu sbelah siap tanya lagi ni train arah sungai buloh ke lol... Bangga jap sebab bukan muka org luar kl.. Ye kak, jawab dgn yakin hehehe (sebab tadi sepanjng duduk tunggu train tu asyik google "kl train map" ja hahaha so macam dah terhafal map tu)

5) inilah key agenda hari ni... Huhu. Ni kali ketiga pergi. Kali pertama ayah dan kakak temankan. Teringat susah payah kami bertiga nak cari mmc nih walaupun naik grab. Balik naik lrt ke klcc. Semoga Allah ganjari pahala.

So hari ni dalam sejarah alhamdulillah, dh dapat sijil pendaftaran sementara sebagai ahli majlis perubatan.. Lesen P utk merawat hehe. Tunggu lps 2 tahun, dapat lesen penuh in shaa Allah (lesen L = medical student hehe).

6) habis urusan di MMC, pergi wangsa maju dengan liyana. Pergi naik grab rm19. Huhu. Dlm grab tu baru tengok peta, ada lrt wangsa maju lol apsal tak naik dari pasar seni ja tadi hurmmmmm. Ok la sale dia.. 4 tudung harga 100++, so acceptable la. Tpi dh tak banyak choices... (yang last piece pun dapat discount tau... So i got 2 pieces yang last piece lol)

7) balik dari wangsa maju ke kl sentral naik lrt! RM3.50 lol. Oklah pujuk diri nak belajar hidup, lgipun tadi peak hour wktu pergi so mesti tren padat lololol

8) ya Rabbi ya Allah. Dah lama teringin makan di chicken rice shop bukan sekadar nasi ayam (ketokk ketokk). So makanlah. Sedap ya amat plus lapar sebab dah pukul 3 tak makan lunch lagi. Solat dulu tadi lps sampai kl sentral.

9) habis makan pukul 430pm. Train ets pkul 615pm. So ingat nak tunggu tempat orang tunggu ets dkt gate b tu ja. Tapi tersinggah satu kedai buku bawah tu (pop up store kot)... Pusing2 satu kedai rupanya dah sejam berlalu 😂 sampaikan pakcik tokay tanya, belajar lagi ke? Belajar mana? Banyak minat buku design ka? Hehehe (kedai di jual banyaaakkkkk buku design & architecture below rm50!) fuhh naseb baik tak muat beg kalau tak dh bawa balik buku tebal tebal tu!

🎈🎈🎈

All in all, alhamdulillah.. I enjoyed today's trip.. ALLAH izin segalanya dipermudahkan alhamdulillah...

Semoga menjadi hamba Allah yang makin taat dan banyak berdoa, walaupun bukan on the go... Waktu lapang dan dlm comfort zone la ujian nak berdoa ni berat.. Huhu.

Actually dlm komuter kl sentral-kl tadi ada mak cik indon. Wearing all red head to toe, SO OF COURSE LAH dia tu something wrong. Maniac tak pun ada lah apa2 pun. Yes, I'm judgemental. Dia memang acting very suspicious. Dia turun tempat i turun. Dari dlm train duk tengok2. So, memang baca doa mintak Allah lindung diri ni sangat2... 😭😭😭
I kept on walking far behind her on my way out of the station. Dia mcm nak jln slow nak suh aku pi jln depan tapi my-resting-bitch-face (alhamdulillah) tengok muka dia betul2... Hantar isyarat: i am aware you are going to do harm to me. So lps tu alhamdulillah, berkat Allah maha penyayang melindungi, dia tu pun jln jauh ke depan sampai hilang trace...

Fuh. La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.

Alhamdulillah for everything ❤️

Super blood blue moon

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah, hari ni 31/1/18 Allah izin kami sekeluarga (fullhouse) berkumpul dan witnessing the moon eclipse. Yg berlaku nya ratusan tahun sekali.

SubhanAllah.

Org dulu pun amazed mcm kita rasa.

Dan Allah pesan, juga sunnah Nabi, syiar yg Allah gariskan, ialah jgn sujud pada bulan atau matahari, tapi bersujudlah pada Allah.

Hebat macam mana pun, itu tanda kekuasaan Allah. Sujud dan beriman pada Allah, bukan pada hebatnya ciptaan-Nya.

Allah izin ayah bawa saya ke masjid utk maghrib. Katanya, solat sunat gerhana akan diadakan lps isyak. Tapi ayah nak pergi dari awal. Ayah offer nak balik ambik waktu gap tu kalau tak nak pergi awal waktu maghrib ni.

Allah gerakkan hati, nak pergi dari awal. Risau jika ayah balik nanti, takut2 terlepas apa2 pengumuman yg disiarkan waktu gap maghrib isyak tu.

Dan takdir Tuhan, jawatankuasa masjid ubah plan dan lakukan solat sunat gerhana tu waktu gap maghrib isyak...

Allah.

Jika Allah tak jemput pi masjid waktu maghrib tadi, kemungkinan terlepas nak solat sunat gerhana mengikut imam. Ikut imam ni penting, sebab baca panjang, sebagaimana sunat mcm nabi buat.

Alhamdulillah.

Those who seek from Allah, Allah will definitely make you find it.

Semoga Allah terima segalanya. Dan terima kasih kpd Tuhan kerana memberi kudrat dan iradat utk pergi tadi.

Tanpa daya upaya kita lah kerugian, melainkan Allah memberikan segala kesempatan dan detikan hati kepada kebaikan.

May Allah bless ayah and me and my family.
Semoga kami tergolong dlm kalangan hamba Allah yang diredhai dan dikasihi, dilindungi daripada azab api neraka.

Semoga Allah mengampuni kita semua.
Semoga dipermudah segala urusan hingga ke syurga.

Ps. This phenomenon occurs once in hundreds years. Suddenly i remembered arwah colleague plkn, dia ada di sisi Tuhan sekarang ni... Hayatnya di dunia selama 18 tahun sahaja... Well F, kami yg lain dah masuk fasa nak kerja... Baru mula dpt kerja... Mungkin lps ni fasa kahwin, dpt anak etc. Kau dah ada di sisi Tuhan,.

Sedih. I will just stop here. *

kami tak tahu makin tambah fasa hidup di dunia ni makin bertuah ka sbb banyak jumpa nikmat dan rahmat Tuhan, atau adakah lebih bahagia hidup 2 tahun saja tahun dikira dosa..

Aku sedih terharu kerana kedua2 nya adalah kebaikan dan limpahan kasih sayang dari Allah:

Meninggal muda dgn iman, dan hidup menempuhi beberapa fasa dan menyaksikan kekuasaan Allah dengan iman.

Sungguh, Allah maha besar.

My eho story

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah, last tuesday was the long awaited day! Finally the placement for housemanship was open for my batch, thus making us as the first intake for 2018.

In shaa Allah i will continue my medicine journey as a houseman (junior doctor/ in training) in a general hospital 6km away from my home. Alhamdulillah. I am still within my comfort zone range haha.

Well, as the rumours said, e-ho (the system where we have to compete and register our hosp placement online simultaneously with all other people in the same intake batch, that was about 500?) is always terrifying. Some people got stuck for hours during eho. Some faced server time out, lagging progress, thus missing the place they have been wanting before.

So they are many tips and tricks that circulate in the net in the forms of such that fb posts and screenshots of notes. Among those tips is that we need super fast internet connection, super speedy laptop and some even told us to provide multiple devices! And most importantly, (they said) be prepare to click thousands of times...

Well, when the day arrived, i was so nervous. Am very nervous. What if i didnt get my hosp of choice? What if i had to move away from home?  What if it is in sarawak/sabah? What if this and that continue,

Until i took some time to pray...

Remember that doa of istikharah? Such that if our choice is good for us, Allah will make it an ease, and vice versa. Above all, it is not only about wanting ease or refusing hardship, but with the doa we want Allah to show us the best choice.

So, by 1130am i get everything ready  in the living room. My father sat by my side. I even had to lay down for 10 minutes for my ears treatment (waxxxxy). Out of the blue my father wanted to switch off the modem for awhile as he wanted to reset it. Kinda to refresh the wifi router. I was like....why now dad...? But i have just realised one thing,

If anything to happen (either i got the hosp i wanted or not), IT HAS BEEN WRITTEN. well, if i cant get my hosp of choice, maybe it is due to the disruption of the internet?

So i just let my father did as he wanted and i kept on laying down on the carpet. I jokingly said to him that it's okay, Allah already knows which hospital will i get, so do whatever you think best in helping me (to refresh the router) haha.

I asked my mom and dad to turn off their mobile phones' wifi. Just in case to optimise the internet connection, so that the focus is only on my laptop. And suddenly i remembered the tv! I just remembered that the tv can be of one heavy wifi user! Mom, quick, turn it off now!

So within minutes the house got so quiet and my mom was so bored that she called my grandma. I thought that was her way to calm down during the tense minutes before 12 noon.

At 1158am, according to the astro decoder (already turned off), i set 2 minutes timer on my phone. Once the alarm rings, i will just enter the system! At least i have spared few seconds past 12 so that i wont be too early from the server time.

As soon as i logged in, i just scanned the screen quickly and found the only 3 things i have to focus and fill the info:
-warganegara
-bilangan adik beradik
-bilangan anak
Some said about tajaan, but my form was already been filled with my sponsor.

Whereas other info from full name to address to birthdate etc, they are all have been completed. The data are based from our SPA form.

After the personal details section, there was about edu background for those who have other qualifications aside spm and degree, ie matriculation, a-level etc. I skipped that section since i have my degree right after spm. Alhamdulillah.

Here comes the tab for hosp choices. Right there, i was so intensely shaking! My hands and fingers felt numb and could barely move the mouse. I even had trouble clicking. What more to think about which state is it my hosp of choice is? I was so blank hahaha.

Calmly ayah said, baca doa...

And that moment baru boleh fikir....click my state...click the hospital...

Here comes the green screen! Saying that my application has been succesful! And only that moment that i can breathe...and nervously verifying that i have selected the right hospital...haha as if i've done everything on auto-pilot mode, no thinking just follow the tips given huhuhuhu.

I looked over my phone and it is still 1200. Allah. Omg. Everything settled within seconds! Within a minute!

Alhamdulillah......

Allah knows it all. Even if my own laptop wont start until it finished the window update (it dont even completed after i completed my eho), that i had to use ayah's lappy... Even the router got turned off minutes before 12 noon... And my ears keep having tinnitus (till now that i'm writing this) that i have to lay down while waiting for eho to open...

Well, pray that my hosp of choice is the best for me, and pray that i survived housemanship with Allah's redha and help, with excellent. Amiin.

🌸

Of loves and sacrifices

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Allah izin byk perkara best berlaku.

Boleh shopping di gpo, ioi...eh, best ke? Best...tapi ada perkara yg lagi best. That is, the presence of my family during my best moments.

Tapi paling undeniably appreciated, is the blessing of having my family by my side. Everyone is there when we needed. We were taught about selflessness when it comes to family matter, from our parents. Mom and dad would 'almost do anything' for us their children and to their respective family. Later my elder siblings would show the acts of selflessness and the rest would follow their steps.

My mom worked in the office, so it is relatively easy to apply for a leave, whenever needed. She could talk to me over the phone eventhough it was for a while since she was working at her table at the time.

My dad rushed home fast from work, when i called him one day, because a small snake came into the house while i was staying alone after school.

My sister took 1-month no-pay leave and multiple other leaves she could apply so that she could take care of my mom at home after her major surgery.

My brother meanwhile brought my father's car for service the whole working day and had 2-day-leave for the week to accompany mom to hospital for her post-op follow up.

Me? I dont know what did i ever done to them... I dont know if i had ever sacrificed anything for my family. All i know is that i am always the receiving party.

I thanked Allah for making us family. A special bond, that can never be broken down eventhough we are apart. I was away for 6 years by eight thousand kilometres apart, but Allah never make us disown one another. Nauzubillah min zalik.

May i become a generous person towards my family, even though if i was having a problem or matter to solve. Just now my sis said that i obviously show people my problems that i cant hide them anyway... I'm sorry, i should have been less worried for the upcoming rite? Since i got my present things in front of me...

I wish, i would always pour down my love more and more to my family, more than friends and alike.

I once made a decision of which i would never regret, that was to be with my family for raya despite my medical school graduation... Lagipun, niat enrol bukan utk graduation semata2...but for the rewards and bounty along the whole process/journey.

One day, me and my family would return to Allah, our Creator. I pray that we shall return to Him as His loyal worshipers. And may He gather us again, lovingly and gratefully in His Jannah. Amiin.

Sahur madinah

- bismillah -

Pertama kali saya makan kepingan cheddar cheese dan roti kosong keras tapi sangat sedap adalah ketika seorang wanita berikan kepadaku untuk sahur.

Aku percaya, rezeki itu dari Allah, melalui dia.

Allah tahu, waktu tu aku tak ada langsung makanan utk bersahur. Waktu tu, aku dlm perjalanan nak pulang ke hotel utk sahur, tapi sebaik mendengar azan, aku patah balik masuk ke masjid.

Oh, sudah azan. Aku tak sempat sahur. Huuuuuuuu.

Ketika itulah mak cik itu memberikan bahagian makanannya kepadaku.

Ku lihat masih ramai yang sedang menyuap makanan ketika itu.

Dan baru ku tahu, itu azan pertama waktu subuh.

Ma shaa Allah.

Aku rindu Tuhanku. Tuhan yang maha dekat. Yang memahami dan mendengar isi hatiku.

Allah, Tuhan sekalian alam. Bukan hanya di sana...

Carilah Dia dalam setiap detik hati dan monologmu.

Semoga Allah ampunkan aku.

2017 in review

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. 2017 berakhir dengan sempurna. Segala puji hanya bagi Allah.

January
Masa ni stress sebab tengah dalam rotation internal medicine. Dunia kelam. Haha. Nak sangat jumpa mak ayah. Nak travel gak... tapi tak tahu nak pi mana plus tak da gang. Ada cuti seminggu winter break, maka... Ku pulang ke malaysia. Heh. Disebabkan gigih nak travel, ambik flight transit 14jam di Abu Dhabi. Flight sampai 8pagi then 10malam pulak bertolak. So that whole day jalan-jalan di Abu Dhabi. Solo. Friday (hari cuti). Cukup pakej utk bermuhasabah dan menenangkan fikiran hahaha sbb pagi tak ada orang dekat jalan raya huhu. Pergi Mina fish market cari lunch, singgah pantai, then zuhur asar di masjid zayed grand mosque. By 6pm dah sampai airport sebab tak nak jalan malam2. Dah sampai msia pulak stay di Penang sekeluarga, then lepas tu pergi masuk sempadan Thai utk makan2. Cukup seminggu, balik semula ke jordan dengan semangat baru :) #alhamdulillah

February
Bergelut dengan end of rotation exam. Juga merupakan exam osce miniosce yang last dalam medical school. Setiap langkah rasa maca semua benda dah last2. Naik bas pun boleh termenung sbb contemplate semuanya akan berakhir soon. Huhu. Nak grad tapi pada masa yang sama sayang nak tinggalkan jordan.

Percaya atau tidak, hujung Feb balik lagi ke msia utk elective posting. Hewhew. It was end of winter, and hari yang sama nak bertolak ke malaysia, Allah izin sempat tengok + pegang pokok sakura berbunga... #alhamdulillah

March
The best month of the year. Allah izin elective yang sangat bermanfaat dan enjoyable. Stress la jugak kena study sbb kena drill topic dlm ward haha tapi study tu pun for the sake of final exam jugak. Met angels (HOs) yang sangat excellent dan helping me. And of course the whole department... Hadiah paling best after 6 weeks of posting ialah borang evaluation yang excellent, something yang tak pernah diduga sebab sejak masuk medical school selalu jadi bunga dinding ja...hehehe.
#alhamdulillah (semoga evaluation  masa mendatang adalah lebih baik)

April
Pertengahan april balik semula ke jordan. Ada masa dua minggu untuk final exam bermula (May). Phew. This was the toughest moment. Rasa susah sangat nak study. Really longgggggg days and nights of endless studying. Sometimes ada hari yang spent nangis break down or just habiskan masa di internet. Astaghfirullah. Memang tak boleh buat apa. Tapi just continue living, makan cukup, mandi grooming, tidur cukup, duduk di meja study. Hari2 pump motivasi dlm diri melalui books or videos ceramah. Boleh laa sikit2...ada hari tewas juga. Siap masak utk serumah juga despite orang lain semua tengah study pulun gila2. Later on i figured out that maybe these were symptoms of anxiety...

May
Here came the final exams! From 4th - 24th of May with 4 MCQ and 4 Vivas. Viva la vida ~~~ Exam mcq ada gap 4 hari, viva takda gap tapi hari2 berturut2. So. You can imagine it. The adrenaline was soooo high. All the time rasa nervous. Tapi, Allah tolong segalanya...
Tiada daya dan upaya melainkan dengan pertolongan Allah.
#alhamdulillah

Hari paling best dalam hidup ialah hari last jawab viva. It was internal medicine. Allah izin dr paaaaaaling baik, dr Ammar Daoud (semoga Allah berkati beliau). That day, i decided to pakai baju kurung cantik  yang paling konfiden (hehe) sebab nak celebrate hari last. Padahal result tak dapat lagi! I was among the first yang dapat giliran jawab, so, can you imagine that excitement utk habis awallllll?
#alhamdulillah hamdan kathira

Habis exam turun ke lobi hospital, student yang lain berkumpul, juga celebrating our very last day in medical school. The atmosphere was very happening. They sing darabkeh together (arabic dancing). And yeah, we congratulate each other for finishing medical school. I decided to get my wuduk done and did a most wonderful and tearful sujud syukur. Allah. That moment was a treassure yang Allah simpan dan izinkan aku merasanya...setelah sampai masanya. Beyond words, i found myself crying dalam surau paediatrik sorang2 while they sing darabkeh outside. Cry sbb kita betul2 helpless melainkan segalanya Allah yang tolong.
#alhamdulillah

It was in month of shaaban, and so was my hijri calander birthday. Multiple celebrations of joy.
#alhamdulillah

And tak dilupakan, sepanjang bulan May kami minta tlg kak arwa masakkan utk serumah...hari2. Tahun lepas masa final exam 11 paper kami makan makanan frozen for that whole month. Alhamdulillah tak ada yg kena serangam jantung etc sbb kolestrol lemak tepu hehe. Tahun 6 nih mungkin lebih matang dan fikir kerana minda yang sihat utk fikir lebih datangnya dari perut yang terjaga (maslow triangle) hahaha.
#alhamdulillah

June
Graduation thinggy! Super hectic. Jual barang. Kosongkan bilik. Kemas barang utk masuk kargo. Tutup akaun bank. Tukar duit. Shopping barang locals nak balik malaysia. Sangat packed dan busy sebab 2 minggu saja dalam bulan Jun tinggal sebelum back for good. And miracle did happen, Allah izin 12 hari di haramain. Despite busy and everything... #alhamdulillah.

It was the holy month of ramadan. And my heart kept missing all those spiritual days and nights i spent in Jordan (previous years) and haramain (this year). Semoga tidak sia2 segalanya.
#alhamdulillah

July
Back for good. Raya. Sibuk daftar MMC. First time naik ets dengan ayah ke kl. Jalan kaki ke mmc bertiga dengan kakak.

August
Pergi MMC lagi sekali utk fetch no kelulusan daftar. But this time pergi sorang naik ets. Sampai sana kakak drive to mmc, and waktu balik gps ter-bawa ke bukit bintang (center of kl instead of klcc haha) so amik kesempatan makan syawarma halab. Yummeh.

Travelled with kakak & family to Singapore! As a post graduation trip and rewards. Sadly mom and dad stayed behind due to health condition.

September
My cargo boxes arrived. Kemas bilik bakar buku2 lama sejak sekolah. Mak ayah beli perabot baru utk bilik. Welcoming me home and so that i can easily move on. Percerah kampung halaman gak, belajar sapu2 daun kering dan nyalakan api (hewhew). Really feel like a stay-at-home housekeeper.

October
Mak decided to undergo THR surgery. After that major surgery, everything changed. Our routine kemas2 rumah, cakar2 daun kering, keluar naik kereta pergi pasar/beli lauk everyday came to halt. Every focus is now on mom. Recovery period may take 3 months. I too sometimes cried and touched when seeing my mom that time. Doctor said she has to wait after the recovery period before she is allowed to walk. In shaa Allah.

November
Mom's condition improving. She was able to handle herself well. Lesser crying. Lesser complaints. Me too. Ayah helped mak a lot, wayyy more than her children did. May Allah bless them. Attended every follow up with the doctor at kmc succesfully.
#alhamdulillah

December
Kakak and her family were here at kampung! It was school holiday and full house it was with 10s of us. Every day was fun and filled with both laughters of joy and shouts of anger haha with 3 kids around. Indeed, a very merry month of the year.
#alhamdulillah

***

Truthfully saying, all those things that had happened.. indeed are the countless blessings from Allah.

I believe everything in this world is temporary, be it the joy or the bitter one, but our gratitude, gratefulness and patience are what make those memories/experience to be beneficial and significant.

As muslim, what matter most is, our gratitude (kesyukuran) is also a form of ibadah.

Semoga 2018 dilimpahi kesyukuran dan kesabaran.

Segalanya adalah milik Allah.
Dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah juga kita kembali.

❤

-Catatan seorang hamba yang (masih) diberi hari baru dalam 2018...semoga bermanfaat hingga ke akhirnya.

#alhamdulillah