Monday, February 11, 2019


- bismillah -

Orang kata jangan hidup dalam kenangan lama. Tapi, kenangan lama yang menghidupkan aku.

Merindui masjid nuh qudhoh, masjid universiti yarmouk. Alhamdulillah, direzekikan dapat solat semua waktu di situ. Termasuklah tarawih. Alhamdulillah.

Solitude gives me happiness and contentment. Solitude makes me closer to Allah. Solitude makes me interacts with new strangers.

Thank you Allah for everything. If i am leading to the wrong way, kindly guide me. Kindly put me under your mercy and care.

Make me better than my past, not any worsen. Grant me back my beloved quran which was always in my heart once... T_T

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Jangan risau jika belum bernikah

- bismillah -

Allah always give us good things. For us to reflect, to be grateful, and to fear Him.

He knows. And Allah tak zalimi hamba-Nya. Tapi manusia yang menzalimi diri sendiri.

Today encounter a patient who has bad social history. To think again, ya Allah lindungilah aku dan kawan2ku dan zuriat keturunanku daripada hidup macam my patient tu. Allah. Segala puji bagi Allah yang menjaga dan melindung kita selama ini. Thank you for not putting me into her situations.

Kesimpulannya, jangan menilai dari luaran. Berapa ramai gadis dan teruna yang sudah tiada kesucian diri. Berapa ramai yang sudah lali dengan pergaulan bebas.

Ya Allah, selamatkanlah aku.

Somehow i start praying i want to be a married mommy for my children. Oh Allah pls take good care of me and my friends.

Semoga direzekikan jodoh yang beriman dan beramal soleh.

Sesungguhnya lebih baik membujang daripada bernikah dengan orang yang salah memilih jalan hidup.

Sesungguhnya, rasa berdosa, kesal dan taubat itu akan tercabut dari jiwa apabila sudah berulang kali melakukan maksiat.

Semoga Allah pelihara kita. Amiin.

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Hormonal episode

- bismillah -

Currently, i have a month left before ending the training in current posting.

I guess seeing babies born everyday has made me kinda, vulnerable. I feel more like enjoying being that fragile lady who has one beside her to comfort her. And I think i want to be a mom too, something i never thought before. And that thinking proceeded with getting married.

Out of sudden, i started to only now realised that almost 'all' my friends are married. Those in my study years, housemates, batch mates, school mates, hahahaha, i just started to realise this lol. And it is already 2019! that some of them already got 2 kids (dont ask me about their contraceptive methods tho). How fast the time flies and my life is still the same.

And before this, i was always in my comfort zone, not wanting to get married yet. But recently my family has been asking about when i will be getting married, that somehow has stir me out of my comfort zone. Nobody was ever complaint before 😂😅

Before this i enjoy to be friend with everyone, but now i feel lazy to mingle with the thought of getting married inside my head. It's making me scanning my colleagues if they are one of the potential colleague! Ah it's tiring. I want the old me back who is carefree, no need to worries about finding/searching the one...


whenever 'kakak staffness' tanya whether i'm single or not, i would always give an answer that simply cut the conversation.

It's just mood swing, from frequent exposure to oxytocin 😂😂😂😂
I give to people in labor to ease their delivery, who knows i got the tempias too.

Later, next department, i hope i would be more serious in my career.
The current department has been making me more vulnerable day by day with women's hormones 😭


Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Of faith and hope

- bismillah -

Just a simple note from i encountered at the clinic yesterday...

Upon seeing a very bright smile on her face at the clinic yesterday, i didnt even know that she was once had 1 episode of "unexplained abruptio placenta" at 39 weeks on previous pregnancy, resulting in intrauterine fetal death.

A strong abdominal pain was mistaken as contraction pain. Little did everyone knows, the ctg finally flatten.

I believe her strength i see now comes from a very supportive environment, a deep-seated faith, and a loving family.

May Allah take good care of her on her current pregnancy. 🌹

Teringat cerita addin dan benz.. Hewhew... Mcm mana benz pujuk addin bila dia keguguran, kembali kepada tadabbur surah kahfi.

And kemarin, kakak nurse klinik tu pujuk patient, "in shaa Allah anak tu jadi anak syurga, sedang menunggu di sana."

Indeed, the couple lose nothing. Allah. The beauty of faith, taqwa, doa and iman.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

2018 II


First draft for 2019's goals:

- towards better health and lifestyle
- established morning routine
- less online/virtual shopping, more real physical shopping 😂
- more and more giving/charity
- near and nearer to death so dont forget to prepare
- i plan to get married after 26 (at least 1 year of working) ! 😊
- consistent saving for hajj trip with mak and ayah
- i want to travel solo/on mission somewhere before jadi mo (inspired by Dr Farnaz, my aussie lecturer who works globally from primary centre), so possibly this will be achieved at 2020 😂😂

In shaa Allah

Now that i have 2019 draft, let's step into the new year with doa and tawakkal with my plans.

Allah knows best!

Monday, December 24, 2018


- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. 2018 has been another wonderful year. Alhamdulillah...

January, i went to kl for 2 weeks to take care of my niece who got chicken pox. Went to GPO to buy shoes for my working days (later). Got to register for e-Ho (placement for housemanship) easily at home with no internet interuption etc alhamdulillah.

Settled all the official paperworks upon start working. Been to mahkamah to angkat sumpah and pejabat hasil for mati setem for the first time.

February, i got my first job. One of (the many) dream jobs i had since little hehe. Bought my first car with the offer letter and received it at 8th day of working. Phew. Alhamdulillah.

And i remembered that ayah brought me to the post office to renew my driving licence for another 2 years.
A memory i treasured.

March until June passed with me experiencing "all the first times memories" in my career in surgical department, of first time been in ot, first oncall, first ward round, first scrub, first time stepping into icu... Etc etc hahaha. Oh yeah, never take cuti rehat.

June, started 2nd posting. First time suturing (after start working) 😂😂😂 sutured my patients catheters on my own. Medical department was the busiest of all. Survived eventful on calls. Only took 1 mc during the whole 4 months because of dehydration post vomiting episodes during on call night that i was so weak the next day i barely survived it.

Good thing about medical department is, the members and environment are warm and understanding. They just dont do idiot things like pressuring/threatening us about our superiors. Not like in current posting tho.

October, my first train trip (ETS) with both parents. All this while i've been traveling alone. And all this while, it was them who took care of me during travel. Meals. Toilet. Prayers. Then that time, it reversed. I am glad i got to treat them ayam penyet at kls station upon arrival before we proceed to our destination. Travelling with parents is indeed a blessed journey in and out.

October also was the month we welcomed a new family member (the reason my parents trip to kl with ETS). Later another member comes after 11 days apart.

November went well with my mom, sister and sister in law were in our house for confinement. My mom did her 2nd THR operation, of which again, ayah is the one who been with her most of the time. I was busy working in my 3rd department, kakak in confinement, abang working too, so only ayah was by her side alll the time. Alhamdulillah the operation went smoothly.

Mother had both her femoral head buried in the ground by ayah with kakak and I to accompany him on both separate occasions.

December, we had a blast of event for kenduri akikah for both babies and kenduri kesyukuran at our house. Some people mistaken the kenduri for a wedding. Haha who else isn't married in the house... So, does it mean wedding should be bigger later? Haha.

Anyway, 2018 was a blessed year for me alhamdulillah. May 2019 will be filled with full of blessing, mercy and guidance. May Allah love me and my family. Amiin.

Monday, December 17, 2018

Hard days shall pass

- bismillah -

Whenever i think i get mistreated, i feel sad.
But i tell myself, this is temporary.
Those who are rude to me, or look down on me, will meet Allah too.
And in the hereafter, i wouldnt want to be bothered by them. Let them ask for forgiveness only from Allah. Dont come and disturb me in the akhirat.

I have only Allah.


- bismillah - Orang kata jangan hidup dalam kenangan lama. Tapi, kenangan lama yang menghidupkan aku. Merindui masjid nuh qudhoh, masjid u...