Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Sahur madinah

- bismillah -

Pertama kali saya makan kepingan cheddar cheese dan roti kosong keras tapi sangat sedap adalah ketika seorang wanita berikan kepadaku untuk sahur.

Aku percaya, rezeki itu dari Allah, melalui dia.

Allah tahu, waktu tu aku tak ada langsung makanan utk bersahur. Waktu tu, aku dlm perjalanan nak pulang ke hotel utk sahur, tapi sebaik mendengar azan, aku patah balik masuk ke masjid.

Oh, sudah azan. Aku tak sempat sahur. Huuuuuuuu.

Ketika itulah mak cik itu memberikan bahagian makanannya kepadaku.

Ku lihat masih ramai yang sedang menyuap makanan ketika itu.

Dan baru ku tahu, itu azan pertama waktu subuh.

Ma shaa Allah.

Aku rindu Tuhanku. Tuhan yang maha dekat. Yang memahami dan mendengar isi hatiku.

Allah, Tuhan sekalian alam. Bukan hanya di sana...

Carilah Dia dalam setiap detik hati dan monologmu.

Semoga Allah ampunkan aku.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

2017 in review

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. 2017 berakhir dengan sempurna. Segala puji hanya bagi Allah.

January
Masa ni stress sebab tengah dalam rotation internal medicine. Dunia kelam. Haha. Nak sangat jumpa mak ayah. Nak travel gak... tapi tak tahu nak pi mana plus tak da gang. Ada cuti seminggu winter break, maka... Ku pulang ke malaysia. Heh. Disebabkan gigih nak travel, ambik flight transit 14jam di Abu Dhabi. Flight sampai 8pagi then 10malam pulak bertolak. So that whole day jalan-jalan di Abu Dhabi. Solo. Friday (hari cuti). Cukup pakej utk bermuhasabah dan menenangkan fikiran hahaha sbb pagi tak ada orang dekat jalan raya huhu. Pergi Mina fish market cari lunch, singgah pantai, then zuhur asar di masjid zayed grand mosque. By 6pm dah sampai airport sebab tak nak jalan malam2. Dah sampai msia pulak stay di Penang sekeluarga, then lepas tu pergi masuk sempadan Thai utk makan2. Cukup seminggu, balik semula ke jordan dengan semangat baru :) #alhamdulillah

February
Bergelut dengan end of rotation exam. Juga merupakan exam osce miniosce yang last dalam medical school. Setiap langkah rasa maca semua benda dah last2. Naik bas pun boleh termenung sbb contemplate semuanya akan berakhir soon. Huhu. Nak grad tapi pada masa yang sama sayang nak tinggalkan jordan.

Percaya atau tidak, hujung Feb balik lagi ke msia utk elective posting. Hewhew. It was end of winter, and hari yang sama nak bertolak ke malaysia, Allah izin sempat tengok + pegang pokok sakura berbunga... #alhamdulillah

March
The best month of the year. Allah izin elective yang sangat bermanfaat dan enjoyable. Stress la jugak kena study sbb kena drill topic dlm ward haha tapi study tu pun for the sake of final exam jugak. Met angels (HOs) yang sangat excellent dan helping me. And of course the whole department... Hadiah paling best after 6 weeks of posting ialah borang evaluation yang excellent, something yang tak pernah diduga sebab sejak masuk medical school selalu jadi bunga dinding ja...hehehe.
#alhamdulillah (semoga evaluation  masa mendatang adalah lebih baik)

April
Pertengahan april balik semula ke jordan. Ada masa dua minggu untuk final exam bermula (May). Phew. This was the toughest moment. Rasa susah sangat nak study. Really longgggggg days and nights of endless studying. Sometimes ada hari yang spent nangis break down or just habiskan masa di internet. Astaghfirullah. Memang tak boleh buat apa. Tapi just continue living, makan cukup, mandi grooming, tidur cukup, duduk di meja study. Hari2 pump motivasi dlm diri melalui books or videos ceramah. Boleh laa sikit2...ada hari tewas juga. Siap masak utk serumah juga despite orang lain semua tengah study pulun gila2. Later on i figured out that maybe these were symptoms of anxiety...

May
Here came the final exams! From 4th - 24th of May with 4 MCQ and 4 Vivas. Viva la vida ~~~ Exam mcq ada gap 4 hari, viva takda gap tapi hari2 berturut2. So. You can imagine it. The adrenaline was soooo high. All the time rasa nervous. Tapi, Allah tolong segalanya...
Tiada daya dan upaya melainkan dengan pertolongan Allah.
#alhamdulillah

Hari paling best dalam hidup ialah hari last jawab viva. It was internal medicine. Allah izin dr paaaaaaling baik, dr Ammar Daoud (semoga Allah berkati beliau). That day, i decided to pakai baju kurung cantik  yang paling konfiden (hehe) sebab nak celebrate hari last. Padahal result tak dapat lagi! I was among the first yang dapat giliran jawab, so, can you imagine that excitement utk habis awallllll?
#alhamdulillah hamdan kathira

Habis exam turun ke lobi hospital, student yang lain berkumpul, juga celebrating our very last day in medical school. The atmosphere was very happening. They sing darabkeh together (arabic dancing). And yeah, we congratulate each other for finishing medical school. I decided to get my wuduk done and did a most wonderful and tearful sujud syukur. Allah. That moment was a treassure yang Allah simpan dan izinkan aku merasanya...setelah sampai masanya. Beyond words, i found myself crying dalam surau paediatrik sorang2 while they sing darabkeh outside. Cry sbb kita betul2 helpless melainkan segalanya Allah yang tolong.
#alhamdulillah

It was in month of shaaban, and so was my hijri calander birthday. Multiple celebrations of joy.
#alhamdulillah

And tak dilupakan, sepanjang bulan May kami minta tlg kak arwa masakkan utk serumah...hari2. Tahun lepas masa final exam 11 paper kami makan makanan frozen for that whole month. Alhamdulillah tak ada yg kena serangam jantung etc sbb kolestrol lemak tepu hehe. Tahun 6 nih mungkin lebih matang dan fikir kerana minda yang sihat utk fikir lebih datangnya dari perut yang terjaga (maslow triangle) hahaha.
#alhamdulillah

June
Graduation thinggy! Super hectic. Jual barang. Kosongkan bilik. Kemas barang utk masuk kargo. Tutup akaun bank. Tukar duit. Shopping barang locals nak balik malaysia. Sangat packed dan busy sebab 2 minggu saja dalam bulan Jun tinggal sebelum back for good. And miracle did happen, Allah izin 12 hari di haramain. Despite busy and everything... #alhamdulillah.

It was the holy month of ramadan. And my heart kept missing all those spiritual days and nights i spent in Jordan (previous years) and haramain (this year). Semoga tidak sia2 segalanya.
#alhamdulillah

July
Back for good. Raya. Sibuk daftar MMC. First time naik ets dengan ayah ke kl. Jalan kaki ke mmc bertiga dengan kakak.

August
Pergi MMC lagi sekali utk fetch no kelulusan daftar. But this time pergi sorang naik ets. Sampai sana kakak drive to mmc, and waktu balik gps ter-bawa ke bukit bintang (center of kl instead of klcc haha) so amik kesempatan makan syawarma halab. Yummeh.

Travelled with kakak & family to Singapore! As a post graduation trip and rewards. Sadly mom and dad stayed behind due to health condition.

September
My cargo boxes arrived. Kemas bilik bakar buku2 lama sejak sekolah. Mak ayah beli perabot baru utk bilik. Welcoming me home and so that i can easily move on. Percerah kampung halaman gak, belajar sapu2 daun kering dan nyalakan api (hewhew). Really feel like a stay-at-home housekeeper.

October
Mak decided to undergo THR surgery. After that major surgery, everything changed. Our routine kemas2 rumah, cakar2 daun kering, keluar naik kereta pergi pasar/beli lauk everyday came to halt. Every focus is now on mom. Recovery period may take 3 months. I too sometimes cried and touched when seeing my mom that time. Doctor said she has to wait after the recovery period before she is allowed to walk. In shaa Allah.

November
Mom's condition improving. She was able to handle herself well. Lesser crying. Lesser complaints. Me too. Ayah helped mak a lot, wayyy more than her children did. May Allah bless them. Attended every follow up with the doctor at kmc succesfully.
#alhamdulillah

December
Kakak and her family were here at kampung! It was school holiday and full house it was with 10s of us. Every day was fun and filled with both laughters of joy and shouts of anger haha with 3 kids around. Indeed, a very merry month of the year.
#alhamdulillah

***

Truthfully saying, all those things that had happened.. indeed are the countless blessings from Allah.

I believe everything in this world is temporary, be it the joy or the bitter one, but our gratitude, gratefulness and patience are what make those memories/experience to be beneficial and significant.

As muslim, what matter most is, our gratitude (kesyukuran) is also a form of ibadah.

Semoga 2018 dilimpahi kesyukuran dan kesabaran.

Segalanya adalah milik Allah.
Dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah juga kita kembali.

-Catatan seorang hamba yang (masih) diberi hari baru dalam 2018...semoga bermanfaat hingga ke akhirnya.

#alhamdulillah

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Doa sebelum masuk kerja

- bismillah -

Bagaimana menjadi ikhlas? Supaya hati senang dan lapang. Walau seharian membanting tulang. Supaya walau datang dugaan masih mampu mengukir senyuman.

Bagaimana menjadi matang? Supaya terhapus angan2 palsu, membuat penilaian tidak terburu-buru. Biar tindakan keanak-anakan yang lain tidak menjadi perkara besar. Biar ketidakhirauan yang lain tidak mengguris. Asalkan letak diri di tempat yang mahu.

Tak apalah...
Buatlah kerja sendiri...
Allah tahu...
Keep going...

Mungkin itu monolog2 yang perlu?

Carilah berkat dalam pekerjaan.
Carilah rahmat dan pertolongan Tuhan.

Your vibe attracts your tribe.
Law of attraction.

Positif lah.
Doa lah.

Semoga beroleh pekerjaan terbaik, di tempat terbaik, dalam kalangan colleagues terbaik
Untuk kebaikan diri dan org sekeliling, di dunia dan akhirat.

Amiin.

رب انزلني منزلا مباركا وانت خير المنزلين

رب ادخلني مدخل صدق واخرجني مخرج صدق واجعل لي من لدنك سلطانا نصيرا

Monday, December 18, 2017

Parallel us

- bismillah -

Ajaib.

Kita berpijak di lantai yang sama,
Berteduh di bawah bumbung yang satu,
Namun tidak ditakdirkan bertemu.

Mungkin pertemuan kedua hanyalah akan membawa duka.

Mungkin supaya lantai dan bumbung itu terus kukuh bukan kerana pertemuan kita.

Mungkin, dua dunia ini berlainan cerita, walau berkongsi setting yang sama.

Semoga kompas terus jujur menunjuk ke utara tanpa bias, walau setelah suatu masa bertamu tiba.

Semoga kekal dalam petunjuk.

Lakukanlah segalanya mengikut asalnya niat,
Berpijak di lantai itu, berteduh di bawah bumbung itu,
hanya untuk yang Memberi Petunjuk.

Lillah.

Ironically indeed, two parallel lines never meet.

Takpa, tak rugi, selagi destinasinya Lillah.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Bila kita akan kembali

Hanya pada Allah tempat kita bergantung.

Jika ditakdirkan kita hilang segalanya dalam dunia ini, atau kita yang menghilang, maka harta dunia hanya tinggal terbiar atau dipindah milik, nama yang baik menjadi sebutan, rumah yang besar dilanda kekosongan, saudara mara yang pergi ditinggalkan.

Rumah dan isinya bukan utk dibawa ke alam sana. Berapa banyak sudah rumah2 agam suatu masa lalu kini terbiar tanpa penghuni setelah kematian beberapa generasi pemilik.

Tinggalkanlah.
Usah risau.

Segalanya akan menjadi lipatan sejarah buat yang masih ada.

Kerana akhirnya, hidup yang sebenar dan abadi adalah di alam sana.

Friday, December 8, 2017

To Mrs A-I & L-R

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. If i have only 2 bff, now all my bff are all married! Haha.

We are of the same age, but i learnt a lot from them, in terms of life lessons.

They are well read and educated in shaa Allah.
The piles of books about marriage, parenting, household economy and income are as high as the medicine textbooks...they read them all for years before they are married.

😂 i too struggled for years, but to just finish the trilogy book by ust hasrizal.

I believe, Allah has been so kind to bestow upon them a partner who can ease their path, calm their turbulent days, weep their tears... Because recently, their 'hardship' seems unbearable (to me)...may Allah ease.

I love both of you.
I treasure all the words of support, the walks we took in search of food, the rain we redah in search of knowledge, the sleepless nights of cooking for rumah terbuka, the testing of new recipes and the salt dramas...haha..the everything, either ones we did openly or secretly..

May you have better memories ahead with respective partners.

P.s.
I'm waiting for my astronout, currently is landing in the uranus planet...heh (pluto isnt a planet~)

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Kenduri at kampung

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. This afternoon i attended 3 weddings with my beloved father. My mom had to stay at home since she can barely move around easily after the hip surgery.

The 3 events were kampung kenduri-s, so you can expect no hired caterers there, only villagers working as crews for the events. They cooked, they served, did the dishes and everything to make a succesful kenduri. Some of them are distant family members of the bride/groom or might just be anybody living within the same village. Usually the immediate family members will not join the crews but instead dress up with same color/tone as the bride/groom to greet and thanked the guests.

The atmosphere was different to be compared with a wedding held at a local hall/community places. You could clearly hear those chit chats from behind and around you, if mak cik bawang is around, or there will be a deejay in charge to make everything loud and happening. Plus there were no cutlery sounds at all haha since we all eat with our right hand.

Not to forget the earth we were standing on is muddy if it rained days before the kenduri, that it splashed to your baju kurung and the shoes you're wearing.

Going home after three kenduri with full tummy and dirt stained sarong was truly an amazing experience.

Sahur madinah

- bismillah - Pertama kali saya makan kepingan cheddar cheese dan roti kosong keras tapi sangat sedap adalah ketika seorang wanita berikan ...