Thursday, July 13, 2017

Perempuan berkalung serban

- bismillah -

Because i believe marriage is about growing each other's potential,
Creating independence over dependence,
Tolerance, patience and loyalty,
This story is really my cuppa tea haha.

I admire how Khudori patiently and gently wait for his wife before they can be together. I think it was quite some time till she regained courage to start the relationship. His wife was apparently scared from her previous experience with her ruthless ex-husband. Khudori also dont rush about having children, of which totally opposite with the ex-husband.

A strong woman does not need to depend on men for her life to succeed, but to accept a man's love doesnt mean she is weak. - i dont remember the exact quote but these words are sent by Khudori to soften Annisa's heart to accept him as her husband.

And after a while, their relationship bloomed, her career has advanced, she thanked her husband for his endless support. She thanked him and said that she couldnt have achieved the current stage if it wasnt because of him, that she admitted that she need him to be by her side. In other words, she started to depend on him for his support and care. She said she couldnt afford to lose him anymore.

Khudori stopped her, and said that she shouldnt depend only on him. He acknowledged that her success was due to her efforts. And he apparently didnt want her to lose her independent trait!

Marriage shouldnt create dependency up to the level that one cannot live if their partner are not by their side anymore.

One day, Khudori got into a motorcycle crash and was hit by a passing car. Annisa was left widowed with their newborn.

I cried during the scene. How could she survived? Isnt it too much for her, since she was about to start a good relationship after suffering from abusive mariage previously.

But she is a strong woman, remember?
And her husband had never cause her to be solely dependent on him. She was sad but she could move on.

Because she believes that a strong woman should never depend solely on a man's shoulder.

This film is a critic about the old mindset and unneceesary labelling to gender roles. Men shouldnt help in the kitchen? Women should never voice her concern out? No way.

In the end, there was a symbolic scene where Annisa purposely threw away a piece of serban, left alone flown by the wind.
Guess the meaning?
😎

Who says that she needs a serban to entangle her neck (steps) in her own life?

Freedom. Break free from gender dependency.

***
Sehingga aku kental seperti Annisa,
Sehingga ku ketemu persis Khudori,
Barulah menikah.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Condong

- bismillah -

Apa perasaan balik for good?

Tekak yang haus akan mencari air.

Hati yang gering, perlu disiram tarbiah.

Rindu nak berusrah 😥
Dulu2 kalau usrah xjalan, boleh buat usrah sendiri dgn kawan2 or adik2. Tapi Allah izin, usrah jalan setiap minggu sekali.

Semoga hati ini sentiasa condong pada mentari kebaikan.
Agar teduhnya dapat memayungi tanah,
Menumbuhkan pucuk baru.

Friday, June 30, 2017

My graduation day

- bismillah -

Yesterday was my bachelor degree's convocation day. Held at my university stadium, outdoor.

But i am here, in malaysia.

It was the second time that i didnt attend a graduation ceremony. I even missed my high school graduation day. Hehehe. The last time i attended a graduation ceremony (my own) was during preschool!

(*Attended sister's convo tho.)

Anyways, i dont have any regret. Because i have to turned down those two occasions out of family matters.

Alhamdulillah, family #no1.

Semoga Allah ganti yg lebih baik, graduation utk master plak. Amiin.

(within 10 tahun lagi AMIIN in shaa Allah)

Hehe. 2 tahun HO, 2 tahun MO, 4 tahun master...

Zzz indahnya memasang angan.

Dah la haritu sepupu sepapat dah bagi warning cakap HO ni fatrah yg teruk dan menguji ketahanan... (memang betul pun huhuhu)

Takpa, psychology cakap, kena ada aim lebih tinggi utk boleh pergi jauh daripada current condition. Tengok jauh supaya yg dekat nampak kecik. Kehkehkeh.

Btw, amazingly, semalam (hari convo) Allah izin pakai baju yg dah plan nak dipakai, and had photoshoot with mom and dad in the house compound. Background pokok kerkuk pun boleh hahaha.

Alhamdulillah.

Sebab dah set up mindset my degree ni is a journey, bukan destination. Kalau target amik degree sebab nak grad convo, mesti kecewa sbb xdpt attend. But then, i think i have appreciated all the moments during mbbs journey, that attending graduation ceremony is not the most  important agenda.

:)

Dan lagi satu reasoning (baca: hikmah aka pujuk diri sendiri haha) xattend ialah...
Sejak dulu sebenarnya saya risau sbb nanti kena duduk ikut university number..which means, i will have to seat in between two men. Urm. Jarak tak kisah sebab kerusi masing2, tapi mcm mana nak selfieee hahahaha...

Jem. Blueberry.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Selamat hari raya aidilfitri 1438H

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Tahun ni beraya di kampung halaman dengan mak dan ayah. Bertiga sahaja. Hehe.

Ok lah kadar kemeriahannya walaupun takda suara kanak2, malam raya pakai mask aloe vera dengan mak, pagi raya tolong cuci muka ayah dgn micellar water. Sambil sapu2 dengan kapas muka mereka berdua, rasa sayu pun ada.

Pagi tadi pergi masjid dengan ayah utk sembahyang raya. Salah satu quote khutbah yg menusuk kalbu, ialah,
"Antara tanda amalan seseorang dlm bulan ramadan itu diterima, ialah, lepas ramadan pun kita masih istiqamah berterusan dengan amalan itu..."

Contohnya baca quram, solat, jadi baik hati, bersedekah..dll.

Kalau kita masih sambung buat lagi amalan, alhamdulillah... Kalau malas tu, erm cepat2 rajinkan diri sebab tak nak pikir what if time ramadan ritu tak diterima? Nauzubillah min zalik.

Alhamdulillah, Allah izin grad sebelum raya. People congratulate me and my parents. Ada juga yg bagi warning, sebab HO-ship nanti susah. Huhu. Betul cakap beliau, tapi at least boleh jadikan kata2 beliau sebagai peringatan. Lagipun, peringatan kan bagus dan bermanfaat utk org mukmin? Semoga Allah golongkan dalam kalangan mukminin. Amiin.

Raya2 ni ramai yg kawen, dapat anak, etc. Hehe. Tak tipu, tapi mixed feeling jugaklah tengok newsfeed. Dalam flight naik balik raya ritu, ada baby nangis, budak2 menjerit bla bla, itupun saya dah rasa rimas. Hahaha. Mcm mana nak jadi mak orang wehhh. Anak saudara baru 3 orang pun dah bergegar rumah. Omaigod. So that fefeeling tak nak raya single, kita letak tepi dulu...raya single is better for me now...hehe.

Pagi raya sempat sembang dgn mak cik tepi masjid, mak kawan sekolah rendah merangkap jiran sekampung, dia kata dia duk sorang2 la bila my friend balik umah suaminya, tapi cepat2 makcik senyum, cakap, "TAKPA, ALLAH ADA..."

I think her words made my day. Pagi raya dah dapat taujihad hehe.

So farhana, takpa, Allah ada...

:) Jangan mixed feeling ok?

Selamat hari raya!

Monday, June 19, 2017

Catatan ramadan 1438H #4

- bismillah -

So, right there in front of the kaabah i was standing as a poor girl. No phone, no money, nothing. I only had a bottle of zam2 water in my hand and a plastic bag containing my shoes. And my watch. My specs too. The rest, are my soul and body.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
For two hours.
The polices saw me crying,
The indons, the other pilgrims.
Luckily it was a normal reaction,
Thousands people have been crying in front of the kaabah.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
I cannot do the prayers,
I even hesitate to sit.
Because after tawaf wida3,
The last tawaf one should do before going home,
Nobody can do anything else,
But go home.
But there, i was standing poor in front of the kaabah.

My mind started to speak,
I remembered how Allah reminds us about how poor we are,
يا ايّها النّاس انتم الفقراء الى الله،
Yet, we have always think we have everything in this life.
No, we need Him for everything.

There, in front of the kaabah, i was standing poor.
My hips screaming in ache for standing.
Has it been an hour has passed?
It feels long, i mumbled.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
Thinking about borrowing money from any malaysian i see.
To take a taxi back to hotel.
I can do the bank transfer later.
I can do this and that,
Thinking and planning,
But i dont have the courage to ask one for some money.
Can you?

I was sitting - tired of standing - poor in front of the kaabah,
No money, nor have nothing.
Thinking that it's okay - i have water with me, i can survive for 3 days with water only,
When an indon lady came and greeted me,
Her finger pointing towards my bottle.
She had some of the water,
For wuduk.
I think i was poor, i then think i am rich.
Water is lessen then, i am poor.

I was sitting as a poor figure in front of the kaabah,
Witnessing the birds' silhouette against the dimly light sky.
Sunrise is already there,
But the sunshine has just started to hit the first corner of kaabah,
Reflecting the gold writings of arabic calligraphy.
Allah said,
ومن يعظّم شعاءر الله فإنّه من تقوى القلوب.
The kaabah is about 2-storey tall,
I can see lines of blocks underneath the kiswah.

I was sitting poor in front of kaabah,
Thinking about prophet Yunus,
When he was trapped,
In the darkness of a whale's gut.
لا الٰه الّا انت
سبحانك انّي كنت من الظالمين

I was sitting, thinking how to go to hotel with no money.
It has been late,
I need way out.
A promise has been breached, again, for the second time.
I was poor, i should never trust to His servant to the max.

I was sitting poor i front of the kaabah,
Waiting for somebody to fetch me.
Waiting and waiting.
Until i realised how poor i am to even be fetched.
I forget i was a poor young lady, not the rich awaited princess.

I was sitting poor in front of the kaabah,
Thinking about ways out.
ومن يتّق الله يجعل له مخرجا
فقلو استغفروا انّه كان غفّارا
استغفر الله
استغفر الله
استغفر الله

I was poor to trust His servant when i have Him above all,
I was poor to wait for any of His servants,
I was poor for thinking on my own,
I was poor of my body and soul,
Physically and mentally, i was insufficient.
I sat there, crying, waiting, thinking.
My back aching hard.

I was there, now standing, started to take walk to hotel shuttle busses.
I was poor, to remember only about promise that became lie,
"We would get to hotel together, i have no money with me",
That i forget about this free shuttle bus.
It took another millions steepy steps,
I passed to the opposite side of the kaabah,
Door side to the golden shower,
Taking steps towards my usual iktikaf place,
Mesmerising my favorite place.
There were still same people lying under the hiroms,
Just that no more poor little girl who joins them or sometimes sitting alone in the middle reciting quran.
I passed through the steepy hill,
Under 30-something degree of morning 8 am sun.
Found the bus, only the drive was inside.
I pray i wont be alone.
And later a family came in.

This is how i bade goodbye to the al-haram.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Catatan Ramadan 1438H #3

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Saya sudah kembali ke Malaysia. Bukan sebagai pelajar yg pulang bercuti, tapi pulang sebagai graduan perubatan. Alhamdulillah.

Hari2 akhir di Jordan, saya akui bahawa setiap kenangan adalah meruntun hati. Tapi Allah bantu wrap it all within a short time.

Lepas final exam, kemas2 rumah dan jual perabot.
Kemudian 10 hari ke saudi arabia. :)
Dan berbaki 4 hari akhir sebelum pulang ke malaysia.

Dlm masa 4 hari akhir,
Allah izin pergi JUST buat kali terakhir...

Bermula dengan naik koster dari zam2 ke syimali, naik sarfis, naik bas biru...

Penuh kenangan...
Kenangan terakhir...

Kemudian memori berjalan dari Gate besar hingga ke round about dan ke shuun tolabah / library.
Utk pulangkan jubah grad.
Masuk ke dewan tu, ada 3 pegawai. Sunyi sebab tak ada students lain waktu itu.
Saya dekati pegawai yg paling dekat dengan pintu, berurusan dengan beliau. Sambil itu, dewan yg saya sangkakan sunyi sepi itu, rupanya terhias dengan alunan Quran daripada rakan sekerja pakcik itu. Waktu itu, pkul 1-2 pm kot entah saya tak ingat. waktu bekerja pada bulan ramadan ialah 10am-3pm saja.

Indah. Biah islamiah dan solehah yg terpatri dalam kenangan saya pada warga JUST.

Kemudian berjalan menelusuri (cewah) jalan rumput hijau melalui heli deck.
Summer.
Bunga berkembang.
Rumput hijau tebal.
Air sprinkler berpusing2 dari jauh.
Pokok pagar / hedge yg kemas.
I even took a video (instastory - tp lupa save hurm) dan pusing2 around.
These walking paths selalu jadi saksi saya balik petang2 jalan ke stesen bas.

I miss JUST.

Tak tidur sepanjang perjalanan balik sebab tgk pemandangan. Kambing biri2 tgh panas. Keldai. Rumput kuning. Pengembala yang melontar sesuatu di kejauhan. Khemah2 nomad badawi...

And hari berikutnya jalan ke hijazi, kawasan penempatan pelajar melayu. Mana nak cari jalan yg apabila bertembung, lelaki baik akan memberi kita laluan terlebih dahulu, atau berjalan selaju mungkin supaya tidak membontoti perempuan, akan menjauhkan tangan apabila berselisish, malah akan berhenti kadangnya.
(Disclaimer: lelaki baik saja. Lelaki jahat takda dlm tulisan ini, tak ada space utk menulis cerita mereka hurm)

Environment islam itu ada...masih terpelihara. Saya tak tahu bagaimana jordan selepas tahun2 berikutnya nanti...selepas terdedah kpd westernisasi atau asimilasi budaya barat...

Duwar jamiah yang tertulis ayat Quran, doa nabi ibrahim yg bermaksud,
Semoga Allah menjadikan negara ini aman...
Aku mengaminkan, sambil menahan sebak.
Doaku yg terakhir di bumi syams ini.

Dan hingga sampai ke rumah, setiap derapan kaki aku hayati...
Tapak2 terakhir di bumi syams...
Tanah para nabi dan sahabat2...

Hari berikutnya Allah izin berbuka puasa dengan adik beradik sejemaah. Hanya Allah yang tahu galau nya hati ini. Rawan. Gembira. Sedih. Mixed feeling. Makan sama2, makan sedap juadah masakan mereka sendiri, atas saprah plastik, habiskan setiap nasi selagi ada...berbual dan bertegur sala dengan adik2 bermata kaca, bertemu muka dengan mereka yang ikhlas menerimaku seadanya...yg sudi mendengar dan mendengarkan aku nasihat...
Ikatan yg berpaksi syurga in shaa Allah...
Sayang yg tak dapat dibendung,
Sayang pada mereka yg sampai aku mendoakan mereka mendapat pasangan soleh solehah kelak, kerana peranan mereka sangat diperlukan dlm islam sehingga moga2 tidak diuji dengan ujian rumah tangga..

Sayang pada semua hinggakan bahagia satu pihak ialah bahagia bersama...

ربّنا اغفر لنا ذنوبنا ولاخواننا الّذين سبقونا بالايمان
ولا تجعل في قلوبنا غلّا للّذين ءامنوا

Dan pada hari terakhirnya,
Van sewa khas ke airport melalui jalan short cut. Melalui eidun melepasi duwar nasim, lalu passing through hospital askari eidun...hospital prince rashed. Hospital yg byk kenangan best. Dan jalan selepas tu yg merupakan jalan favorite saya, jalan tanah luas dan lapang, masuk kampung2 (balik utk tembus JUST), dan pakcik guna jalan sama utk lalu tembus lebuh raya yg lepas drpd JUST.

Jau latifff sangat hari tu...

Allah izin sempat down memory lane pada tempat2 penting.

Semoga segalanya berkat.

Thank you Allah for the best memory.
Thank you for the past 6 years, izinkan aku hidup dan bernafas di bumi syams.
Bumi malaikat menebarkan sayapnya.

Bumi barakah 4 musim, yg penuh tanda kekuasaan Tuhan, bumi yg bagi chance aku reflect banyak benda. Bumi yg sangat penuh cinta dan kasih sayang dari Mu.
Bumi aku lebih menghayati Quran. Bumi aku kenal qiyam shahr ramadan. Bumi ukhwah. Bumi doa. Bumi kebaikan...

Semoga diizinkan keberkatan atas segala sesuatu yg berlaku.
Semoga Allah terima segalanya.
Semoga 6 tahun bukanlah tempoh sia-sia.
Semoga 6 tahun masa mudaku di bumi syams diberkati, moga Allah izin jadi skrip jawapan utk soalan pada masa mudaku utk apa aku gunakan...

Sebagaimana 5 soalan wajib di hadapan Tuhan kelak...

T_T

Semoga aku ikhlas.
Semoga catatan takdir kebaikan sentiasa mengiringi.

Tuhan, masukkan aku ke tempat terbaik, dan keluarkan aku dari tempat terbaik. Kurniakan aku pertolongan utk setiap situasi. Masukkan aku dlm situasi yg terbaik utk imanku.
Turunkan aku di tempat terbaik, Engkaulah sebaik2 yg berkuasa menurunkan.

Amiin.

<3

Catatan Ramadan 1438H #2

- bismillah -

Percayalah, pada setiap amalan, pastinya ada balasan, dan balasan daripada Tuhan adalah lebih baik daripada apa yang kita usahakan.

Seorang kakak usrah grad tahun lepas, Allah izin saya buat suatu hadiah utk beliau... DIY... walaupun serba kekurangan. Tapi saya memberikan sepenuh hati saya. Dengan izin Allah.

Siapa sangka, tahun berikutnya ketika saya pula grad, Allah berikan hadiah yang sama, hadiah yg mencerminkan keinginan hati saya, tapi adalah lebih baik daripada rupa DIY saya buat dulu...

Semoga diberkati.
Semoga bertambah kesyukuran.
Semoga amalan diterima Allah.

Allah maha berkuasa.
Allah maha penyayang.

Pengajarannya,
Buatlah amalan / pekerjaan sepenuh hatimu, penuh cinta sepertimana atau lebih daripada cinta kepada diri sendiri,
Dan harapkan balasan daripada Allah.
Dan sesungguhnya, redeem our rewards dekat akhirat adalah lebih mengujakan!

Perempuan berkalung serban

- bismillah - Because i believe marriage is about growing each other's potential, Creating independence over dependence, Tolerance, p...