Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Ptm reflection

- bismillah -

Suddenly a short film reminded me of my teacher doctors. May Allah bless them all, with the highest blessing of Jannah.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Dosa pahala

- bismillah -

Perkara kecil, berupaya menjadi permulaan kepada perkara besar.

Kenalilah perkara kecil yang menjerumuskan kamu kepada perkara besar.

Jika perkara besar itu kebaikan,
Jika perkara besar itu keburukan,

Maka perkara kecil yang menjadi pemula iti perlu dikenal pasti. Kerasa perkara itulah penentunya sama ada perlu dimulakan atau dijauhi.

Mula dengan mendengar muzik lalai, boleh membawa kepada kelalaian seterusnya, hingga lah menjemput dosa. Bermula dengan stalk profile facebook, hingga membuang masa membaca novel sampah dengan karektor2 toleh/tolehah (lawan kepada soleh/solehah).

Kerana biah solehah itu, bukan sekadar tempat berpijak realiti, tetapi juga dituntut di alam maya.

Carilah pemula kepada kebaikan, perkara kecil yang membawa kepada pahala berterusan, jangan dimulakan dengan perkara kecil yang menjerumus kepada kesusahan hidup dunia dan akhirat.

Semoga Allah ampuni aku. Amiin.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Random

- bismillah -

Dah lama tak menulis post dekat fb. Rindu ketika tak perlu fikir org nk terasa ke apa ke. Rindu gak nak jadi poyo tanpa rasa poyo. Haha.

Sesungguhnya, at certain part of our life, we would ask ourselves, is this the life i want?

As for me, everything is currently in its place alhamdulillah. I know and i am aware that, this life and everything in it is temporary. Things can just change. I pray that Allah will preserve the deen and faith for me till my last breath.

It is just that i dont like it when it comes about not meeting my jodoh yet. I dont want such a matter to disturb my gratefulness and sense of overall wellbeing, over other matters that i already have/achieved.

Anyway, i dont pray that he comes too soon either. I just dont know what is the best time. And i just want to live my life in full gratefullness and submission only to Allah, despite having a husband by my side, or not yet. I just want a healthy spiritual attachment and a good sense of well being. Not related to having a partner or not.

The thing is, can i do that?

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Another blessed day alhamdulillah

- bismillah -

Hari ni day 4 di KL (trip kali ke 2 utk tahun ni, bulan jan sekali, feb pulak..).

Agenda:
1) 9 AM - check out hotel
2) simpan bagpack di locker KL sentral
3) breakfast
4) take train KL sentral to KL
5) pergi MMC ambil sijil pendaftaran sementara
6) pergi butik cloverush!
7) sampai KL sentral pukul 3pm
8) dinner
9) tunggu train balik Perlis

Nota:
1) tido dekat brickfield dgn nuha. Amik grab dari kl sentral (lol) sbb tgk map macam jauh padahal cross nu boleh ja. LUCKILY alhamdulillah kami tak jalan. Sbb kawasan tu bahaya... My sis dah pesan awal dah tapi rasa mcm ok lagi, tapi bila abang grab pesan kata kawasan tu bahaya red alert pun menyala dlm diri. Muram jap dalam keta tu sbb risau haha. Anyway, abg grab tu cukup berjasa dengan pesanan beliau. Esok pagi cerah benderang pun kami naik grab lagi. Walaupun rasa nak turun dekat dpn nu tapi macam baru tak sampai seminit masuk keta, so turun depan hilton. Haha.

2) drlocker.com bagusss! Belajar dgn nuha jugak. Bagus sbb kalau tak ingat nombor locker pun takpa, sistem yang bukak kan. Tayah pegang kunci. Yg perlu ialah SCAN MUKA. awas: kalau pendek, tinggi2kan badan, jangan berdiri jauh sangat nanti camera tak leh detect huhuhu. Utk bagpack boleh amik locker saiz kecik mcm drawer tu, store bag lay flat, RM 10. Cari dekat lobi pintu masuk level 2, tangga opposite Nu.

3) nasi lemak treats ja haha. Baru tahu ada kedai makan kat situ. Kak dgn abg arif selalu bawa makan dkt nu ja haha. So, dinner pun makan area situ hehe.

4) ya ampun nak tgk direction train ni pun agak2 ja. Tgk betul, terus lalu escalator tu. Lps tu gelabah sbb tak cek platform lagi satu pi mana plak ntah. Haha. Dan disebabkan noobie, amiklah komuter arah tanjung malim. Lama gak la menunggu. Padahal baru tringat boleh amik LRT turun pasar seni & jalan ke stesen KL tu... Huhuhu. Org menunggu sbelah siap tanya lagi ni train arah sungai buloh ke lol... Bangga jap sebab bukan muka org luar kl.. Ye kak, jawab dgn yakin hehehe (sebab tadi sepanjng duduk tunggu train tu asyik google "kl train map" ja hahaha so macam dah terhafal map tu)

5) inilah key agenda hari ni... Huhu. Ni kali ketiga pergi. Kali pertama ayah dan kakak temankan. Teringat susah payah kami bertiga nak cari mmc nih walaupun naik grab. Balik naik lrt ke klcc. Semoga Allah ganjari pahala.

So hari ni dalam sejarah alhamdulillah, dh dapat sijil pendaftaran sementara sebagai ahli majlis perubatan.. Lesen P utk merawat hehe. Tunggu lps 2 tahun, dapat lesen penuh in shaa Allah (lesen L = medical student hehe).

6) habis urusan di MMC, pergi wangsa maju dengan liyana. Pergi naik grab rm19. Huhu. Dlm grab tu baru tengok peta, ada lrt wangsa maju lol apsal tak naik dari pasar seni ja tadi hurmmmmm. Ok la sale dia.. 4 tudung harga 100++, so acceptable la. Tpi dh tak banyak choices... (yang last piece pun dapat discount tau... So i got 2 pieces yang last piece lol)

7) balik dari wangsa maju ke kl sentral naik lrt! RM3.50 lol. Oklah pujuk diri nak belajar hidup, lgipun tadi peak hour wktu pergi so mesti tren padat lololol

8) ya Rabbi ya Allah. Dah lama teringin makan di chicken rice shop bukan sekadar nasi ayam (ketokk ketokk). So makanlah. Sedap ya amat plus lapar sebab dah pukul 3 tak makan lunch lagi. Solat dulu tadi lps sampai kl sentral.

9) habis makan pukul 430pm. Train ets pkul 615pm. So ingat nak tunggu tempat orang tunggu ets dkt gate b tu ja. Tapi tersinggah satu kedai buku bawah tu (pop up store kot)... Pusing2 satu kedai rupanya dah sejam berlalu 😂 sampaikan pakcik tokay tanya, belajar lagi ke? Belajar mana? Banyak minat buku design ka? Hehehe (kedai di jual banyaaakkkkk buku design & architecture below rm50!) fuhh naseb baik tak muat beg kalau tak dh bawa balik buku tebal tebal tu!

🎈🎈🎈

All in all, alhamdulillah.. I enjoyed today's trip.. ALLAH izin segalanya dipermudahkan alhamdulillah...

Semoga menjadi hamba Allah yang makin taat dan banyak berdoa, walaupun bukan on the go... Waktu lapang dan dlm comfort zone la ujian nak berdoa ni berat.. Huhu.

Actually dlm komuter kl sentral-kl tadi ada mak cik indon. Wearing all red head to toe, SO OF COURSE LAH dia tu something wrong. Maniac tak pun ada lah apa2 pun. Yes, I'm judgemental. Dia memang acting very suspicious. Dia turun tempat i turun. Dari dlm train duk tengok2. So, memang baca doa mintak Allah lindung diri ni sangat2... 😭😭😭
I kept on walking far behind her on my way out of the station. Dia mcm nak jln slow nak suh aku pi jln depan tapi my-resting-bitch-face (alhamdulillah) tengok muka dia betul2... Hantar isyarat: i am aware you are going to do harm to me. So lps tu alhamdulillah, berkat Allah maha penyayang melindungi, dia tu pun jln jauh ke depan sampai hilang trace...

Fuh. La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.

Alhamdulillah for everything ❤️

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Super blood blue moon

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah, hari ni 31/1/18 Allah izin kami sekeluarga (fullhouse) berkumpul dan witnessing the moon eclipse. Yg berlaku nya ratusan tahun sekali.

SubhanAllah.

Org dulu pun amazed mcm kita rasa.

Dan Allah pesan, juga sunnah Nabi, syiar yg Allah gariskan, ialah jgn sujud pada bulan atau matahari, tapi bersujudlah pada Allah.

Hebat macam mana pun, itu tanda kekuasaan Allah. Sujud dan beriman pada Allah, bukan pada hebatnya ciptaan-Nya.

Allah izin ayah bawa saya ke masjid utk maghrib. Katanya, solat sunat gerhana akan diadakan lps isyak. Tapi ayah nak pergi dari awal. Ayah offer nak balik ambik waktu gap tu kalau tak nak pergi awal waktu maghrib ni.

Allah gerakkan hati, nak pergi dari awal. Risau jika ayah balik nanti, takut2 terlepas apa2 pengumuman yg disiarkan waktu gap maghrib isyak tu.

Dan takdir Tuhan, jawatankuasa masjid ubah plan dan lakukan solat sunat gerhana tu waktu gap maghrib isyak...

Allah.

Jika Allah tak jemput pi masjid waktu maghrib tadi, kemungkinan terlepas nak solat sunat gerhana mengikut imam. Ikut imam ni penting, sebab baca panjang, sebagaimana sunat mcm nabi buat.

Alhamdulillah.

Those who seek from Allah, Allah will definitely make you find it.

Semoga Allah terima segalanya. Dan terima kasih kpd Tuhan kerana memberi kudrat dan iradat utk pergi tadi.

Tanpa daya upaya kita lah kerugian, melainkan Allah memberikan segala kesempatan dan detikan hati kepada kebaikan.

May Allah bless ayah and me and my family.
Semoga kami tergolong dlm kalangan hamba Allah yang diredhai dan dikasihi, dilindungi daripada azab api neraka.

Semoga Allah mengampuni kita semua.
Semoga dipermudah segala urusan hingga ke syurga.

Ps. This phenomenon occurs once in hundreds years. Suddenly i remembered arwah colleague plkn, dia ada di sisi Tuhan sekarang ni... Hayatnya di dunia selama 18 tahun sahaja... Well F, kami yg lain dah masuk fasa nak kerja... Baru mula dpt kerja... Mungkin lps ni fasa kahwin, dpt anak etc. Kau dah ada di sisi Tuhan,.

Sedih. I will just stop here. *

kami tak tahu makin tambah fasa hidup di dunia ni makin bertuah ka sbb banyak jumpa nikmat dan rahmat Tuhan, atau adakah lebih bahagia hidup 2 tahun saja tahun dikira dosa..

Aku sedih terharu kerana kedua2 nya adalah kebaikan dan limpahan kasih sayang dari Allah:

Meninggal muda dgn iman, dan hidup menempuhi beberapa fasa dan menyaksikan kekuasaan Allah dengan iman.

Sungguh, Allah maha besar.

Friday, January 26, 2018

My eho story

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah, last tuesday was the long awaited day! Finally the placement for housemanship was open for my batch, thus making us as the first intake for 2018.

In shaa Allah i will continue my medicine journey as a houseman (junior doctor/ in training) in a general hospital 6km away from my home. Alhamdulillah. I am still within my comfort zone range haha.

Well, as the rumours said, e-ho (the system where we have to compete and register our hosp placement online simultaneously with all other people in the same intake batch, that was about 500?) is always terrifying. Some people got stuck for hours during eho. Some faced server time out, lagging progress, thus missing the place they have been wanting before.

So they are many tips and tricks that circulate in the net in the forms of such that fb posts and screenshots of notes. Among those tips is that we need super fast internet connection, super speedy laptop and some even told us to provide multiple devices! And most importantly, (they said) be prepare to click thousands of times...

Well, when the day arrived, i was so nervous. Am very nervous. What if i didnt get my hosp of choice? What if i had to move away from home?  What if it is in sarawak/sabah? What if this and that continue,

Until i took some time to pray...

Remember that doa of istikharah? Such that if our choice is good for us, Allah will make it an ease, and vice versa. Above all, it is not only about wanting ease or refusing hardship, but with the doa we want Allah to show us the best choice.

So, by 1130am i get everything ready  in the living room. My father sat by my side. I even had to lay down for 10 minutes for my ears treatment (waxxxxy). Out of the blue my father wanted to switch off the modem for awhile as he wanted to reset it. Kinda to refresh the wifi router. I was like....why now dad...? But i have just realised one thing,

If anything to happen (either i got the hosp i wanted or not), IT HAS BEEN WRITTEN. well, if i cant get my hosp of choice, maybe it is due to the disruption of the internet?

So i just let my father did as he wanted and i kept on laying down on the carpet. I jokingly said to him that it's okay, Allah already knows which hospital will i get, so do whatever you think best in helping me (to refresh the router) haha.

I asked my mom and dad to turn off their mobile phones' wifi. Just in case to optimise the internet connection, so that the focus is only on my laptop. And suddenly i remembered the tv! I just remembered that the tv can be of one heavy wifi user! Mom, quick, turn it off now!

So within minutes the house got so quiet and my mom was so bored that she called my grandma. I thought that was her way to calm down during the tense minutes before 12 noon.

At 1158am, according to the astro decoder (already turned off), i set 2 minutes timer on my phone. Once the alarm rings, i will just enter the system! At least i have spared few seconds past 12 so that i wont be too early from the server time.

As soon as i logged in, i just scanned the screen quickly and found the only 3 things i have to focus and fill the info:
-warganegara
-bilangan adik beradik
-bilangan anak
Some said about tajaan, but my form was already been filled with my sponsor.

Whereas other info from full name to address to birthdate etc, they are all have been completed. The data are based from our SPA form.

After the personal details section, there was about edu background for those who have other qualifications aside spm and degree, ie matriculation, a-level etc. I skipped that section since i have my degree right after spm. Alhamdulillah.

Here comes the tab for hosp choices. Right there, i was so intensely shaking! My hands and fingers felt numb and could barely move the mouse. I even had trouble clicking. What more to think about which state is it my hosp of choice is? I was so blank hahaha.

Calmly ayah said, baca doa...

And that moment baru boleh fikir....click my state...click the hospital...

Here comes the green screen! Saying that my application has been succesful! And only that moment that i can breathe...and nervously verifying that i have selected the right hospital...haha as if i've done everything on auto-pilot mode, no thinking just follow the tips given huhuhuhu.

I looked over my phone and it is still 1200. Allah. Omg. Everything settled within seconds! Within a minute!

Alhamdulillah......

Allah knows it all. Even if my own laptop wont start until it finished the window update (it dont even completed after i completed my eho), that i had to use ayah's lappy... Even the router got turned off minutes before 12 noon... And my ears keep having tinnitus (till now that i'm writing this) that i have to lay down while waiting for eho to open...

Well, pray that my hosp of choice is the best for me, and pray that i survived housemanship with Allah's redha and help, with excellent. Amiin.

🌸

Friday, January 19, 2018

Of loves and sacrifices

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Allah izin byk perkara best berlaku.

Boleh shopping di gpo, ioi...eh, best ke? Best...tapi ada perkara yg lagi best. That is, the presence of my family during my best moments.

Tapi paling undeniably appreciated, is the blessing of having my family by my side. Everyone is there when we needed. We were taught about selflessness when it comes to family matter, from our parents. Mom and dad would 'almost do anything' for us their children and to their respective family. Later my elder siblings would show the acts of selflessness and the rest would follow their steps.

My mom worked in the office, so it is relatively easy to apply for a leave, whenever needed. She could talk to me over the phone eventhough it was for a while since she was working at her table at the time.

My dad rushed home fast from work, when i called him one day, because a small snake came into the house while i was staying alone after school.

My sister took 1-month no-pay leave and multiple other leaves she could apply so that she could take care of my mom at home after her major surgery.

My brother meanwhile brought my father's car for service the whole working day and had 2-day-leave for the week to accompany mom to hospital for her post-op follow up.

Me? I dont know what did i ever done to them... I dont know if i had ever sacrificed anything for my family. All i know is that i am always the receiving party.

I thanked Allah for making us family. A special bond, that can never be broken down eventhough we are apart. I was away for 6 years by eight thousand kilometres apart, but Allah never make us disown one another. Nauzubillah min zalik.

May i become a generous person towards my family, even though if i was having a problem or matter to solve. Just now my sis said that i obviously show people my problems that i cant hide them anyway... I'm sorry, i should have been less worried for the upcoming rite? Since i got my present things in front of me...

I wish, i would always pour down my love more and more to my family, more than friends and alike.

I once made a decision of which i would never regret, that was to be with my family for raya despite my medical school graduation... Lagipun, niat enrol bukan utk graduation semata2...but for the rewards and bounty along the whole process/journey.

One day, me and my family would return to Allah, our Creator. I pray that we shall return to Him as His loyal worshipers. And may He gather us again, lovingly and gratefully in His Jannah. Amiin.

Ptm reflection

- bismillah - Suddenly a short film reminded me of my teacher doctors. May Allah bless them all, with the highest blessing of Jannah.