my 2nd visit to dermato clinic

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Allah izin hadirkan diri dan dipermudah urusan hadir ke klinik pakar kulit buat kali ke2.

Kali pertama hadir dr dah kasi diagnosis dan mulakan rawatan. Well, she started me on MTX. If u know it, then kept silent, dont ask if u dont.

Kali pertama hadir, Allah izin sempat solat istikharah dulu. Tawakal pada Allah about what will happen to me, what diagnosis shall i face and etc. So even she started me on MTX on first visit pun xpelah, Allah dah tahu...

Kedua kali hadir ni, still ada worries. What's next shall i face..haha.

It's tough. Anyway mak ikut sama teman hehe. Tapi tunggu luar ja, thank you mak for giving me strength and support with privacy.

Nak jadikan cerita, pagi pergi appointment ni lah kad debit hilang. Haha ni kali pertama jadi macam ni. So sblum ni rasa kaya berkemampuan pergi klinik private hospital, kali ni Allah uji He can do anything beyond what money can give me.

Pinjam card ayah :') 

Above all i realise i brought nothing with me. I only have Him. Yet He still brought me there despite i have no money. He can just do anything.

T_T

Well next is about what happened during consultation. I have always wonder, how do i tell my future spouse about my condition. And i decided to ask my doctor about this. Guess what? She answered me beautifully. "It is not contagious, it can be controlled, it may be passed to your offsprings, and if u want to conceive we can stop the systemic treatment and only control with topical applications." She also added "You can bring him here if you want me to explain," hahahaaha i have no one yet la doctor, it's just me overthinking things hahahahaha.

And i also ask her if i can go to spa/salon...

Having heard her answers, well no thanks i'd rather not going to any spa/salon fearing it will trigger the flare up.

Anyway. All these make me realise, Allah values us not with beauty, not with money. We can achieve anything with His helps, beyond what our mind can imagine. He can just set things up.

In shaa Allah, i will get married, love and beloved, beyond what can i think. (Because i think an ordinary love is not capable to love me for who i am).

May Allah bless me.

Ps to others who are having hard time, especially being diagnosed with unexpected disease, please seek your support. And the ultimate support must be your firm faith in Allah.

Allah uji tidak melebihi kemampuan hamba-Nya

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Allah izin masih berada di perlis, di rumah sendiri menumpang kasih ibu ayah.

Alhamdulillah. Allah perkenankan doa ramadan.

Alhamdulillah. Allah guide perjalanan ini.

Allah izin saya dapat jawapan mengenai dermatitis (keadaan kulit) saya yang tak lega2.

SubhanAllah.

It's an autoimmune disease.

La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.

Tiada daya dan kekuatan melainkan dengan kekuasaan Allah.

So currently, being diagnosed with such (i prefer not to disclosed it, yet), Allah izin dapat support yang dari sekeliling.

Sesiapa saja yg berdepan dengan penyakit kronik (tak lega tapi boleh kawal), akan perlu berdepan dengan cabaran2 tertentu.

Antara cabaran yg saya dapat ialah

- emotion

- financial

- physical

- spiritual

Emotion, terkejut, rasa nak sedih, mixed feeling, rasa mcm dekat nak mati semua ada la. Eh betul ke ending aku macam ni. What if my end of life sebab side effect ubat, what if this and that...

Financial, my first treatment upon knowing the diagnosis cost me RM 1k. That is for 2 weeks duration of treatment. Huhuhuhuhu.

Physical, kena bare dengan treatment regime. Malas macam mana pun kena paksa diri buat juga. Ada hari terbaring je, then tengah malam bangun baru sapu ubat. Huhuhu.

Spiritual, hanya Allah yang tahu.

Above all, bersyukur Allah izinkan kemampuan diri dan sokongan orang sekeliling. Allah banyak guide sepanjang perjalanan nak jumpa diagnosis ni. More or less ten years, dah jumpa banyak doctor and dah macam2 ubat dah.

Entahla. Ada satu sudut, rasa macam kena ain. Haha. So dah delete/hide banyak gambar dekat sosial media. Hehehe.

Satu sudut lain, makanya, dengan adanya penyakit ini, Allah tapis awal2 bakal calon suami saya. Kalo dia cari orang jelita tanpa cela, maka bukan saya. Kalo cari yang hidup happy takde masalah xde kesedihan maka bukan saya haha. Dan kalo tak mampu/sabar nak support saya dari emosi, tak boleh support dari segi financial (sebulan beribu kau at least) maka bukan lah dia 😂

Begitulah. Aturan kehidupan.

Jaga lah diri sendiri.

Akhirnya, kita akan kembali bertemu Allah sendiri sendiri juga. Orang sekeliling kita akan tinggalkan kita, sama ada pilihan dia untuk walk away atau dijemput Tuhan untuk takdir lain.

Semoga, Allah ampunkan saya. 

Semoga, Allah izinkan qalbun saleem.

Semoga Allah izin sentiasa positif pada aturan Tuhan.