penempatan semula

- bismillah - 

Alhamdulillah. Hari ni lapor diri untuk penempatan semula.

Another chapter of my medicine life / career path.

Sebelum ni isi borang pilih negeri.

Alhamdulillah dapat negeri yang dipilih.

Then hari ni lapor diri untuk tahu penempatan. Allah izin saya masuk pejabat kesihatan daerah / kk. So bye bye hospital...

Saya minta pada Allah yang terbaik, yang tak perlu oncall (mengharapkan ED), Allah susun dapat kk.

Masa jalan pi amik surat macam tak percaya. Betul ke ni aku tak dapat hospital?

Ketar tangan buka surat...baca tulisan2 bold ja...tertulis Pejabat Kesihatan Daerah K*****.

Baca lagi sekali word by word.

Tak ada perubahan. Memang confirm dapat KK.

Alhamdulillah.

Mixed feeling. Syukur tak perlu oncall 36 jam bekerja. Tapi dijentik rasa sedih tak dapat ED. Then kawan2 pm tanya dkt ig & watsapp...lama2 okay la boleh terima..in shaa Allah.

Banyak hikmah dekat tempat baru nanti. Allah dah tulis yg terbaik. Yakinlah dengan doa dan segala usaha.

Syukur. Allah maha tahu.

Alhamdulillah.

I prayed in my istikharah, if ED is best for me, dunia dan akhirat, then i want ED. If KK is best for me, dunia akhirat, then i pray for KK.

Alhamdulillah.

Semoga beroleh kehidupan sejahtera dan barakah. Semoga sentiasa dlm jagaan Allah.

Good life, they said? Bismillah, tawakkal pada Allah. For my past, now and future, everything is under His care and control.

 

Ps

I pray that bila duk kk ni boleh kahwen and start my own family. Amiin. Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan kebaikan di dunia dan akhirat amiin.✨

i choose to acknowledge my feelings, then cater it

Never have i thought, the feeling of emptiness came so many times...and it hit me hard.

The negative feelings of hopelessness, sometimes jealousy...and maybe disappointment. And the countless moments of sadness.

So yes, i admit, at such late-20s, i do feel bad not starting a family yet. Not married nor having commitment.

Dulu i thought it wouldnt matter. I thought i would be okay. I was so proud and determined, once, to be a baby doctor, and would not be worried if i dont married (eventually no kids), because i would be meeting babies everyday. I was so shallow to think, i am okay to not have my own child. I was so proud of that vision, because i think i need no spouse.

But now i do breakdown with stirs of negative thoughts. And maybe emotional desperation. Despite on the outside, i still compose. (Dont laugh)

I have always counter those negative feelings with my own motivation, positive self-talk, filling my days with gratefulness...sometimes it works, sometimes i was just drifted apart with the emotions.

Allah ajar, Dia maha berkuasa atas segala sesuatu. He also always takes good care of all His servants. I pray for stronger faith, to only trust Him for His planning. I pray for a stronger heart. I pray for a stronger me.

This life is just too short to think over things i missed/not having yet. Because what i have now, is always more than enough, and they are always belongs to Allah.

He bestowed His blessings to whoever He wanted to.

Alhamdulillah. I do feel good after venting it out here...

ED on my last days

Allah tahu what i'm feeling.

Semoga sentiasa dlm jagaan Allah.

Amiin.

Semoga beroleh penempatan terbaik.

Utk dunia dan akhirat.

In shaa Allah, bakal memasuki floating episode kedua. Alhamdulillah dapat negeri yang sama juga. Doakan dapat tempat yang sama, if not, yg terbaik amiin.

Sesungguhnya aku bersyukur pada Allah untuk segalanya. Alhamdulillah alaa kulli hal.

Semoga Allah berkati aku dan orang sekelilingku, semoga sentiasa berada dalam kebaikan. Amiin.