Today i decide to write again.
I
It was 4.40pm, i asked permission from my current supervisor miss A, to go to another department to meet with Dr Z.
I have to meet him in person regarding the yearly appraisal. Last week, i received few calls from HRs officers regarding my recent change of PPP. Previously i was put under Dr Y, later 1 week ago they decided to change to Dr Z. (long story, but these are the sequalae of change of status of placement but i was not placed in primary care despite i am pursuing primary care specialty. Cut short, administratively my name belongs to 'general MO' in hospital, and i dont belong to any department either due to nature of my training which requires me to do few rotations in different postings.)
So, i went to met the respected Dr Z. Walked so fast from ent outpatient clinic in the front part of hospital to the psy building located posterior part of hospital complex. Alhamdulillah, reached there before 5pm and he is still in his office.
He asked few questions regarding the background story. And we just have to accept it as it is, to ? laugh, i think the admins are really pulling my legs since beginning. Who has ever had their performance assessor to be changed last minute, and far from anyone's expectation what more logical...
(i dont sure whether i wrote it here previously, regarding the day i received call from state level admin for me to do the rayuan, urgently asking me to do the rayuan, end up landed in 2dary care as if never did rayuan at all. My holiday was disrupted when i have to write a formal appeal letter despite i think they should know where i should belong - alas, they never know).
Never in my mind to have thought about such fate.
To be having the respected calm dr to evaluate my LNPT as first assessor, while 2nd assessor is one who's rangking is too high to reach and maybe has never seen me working in front of her eyes - admin arranged these.
I knew Dr Z before, but i never mention the connection on our professional and formal bond.
Hope for best evaluation.
I never knew Dr A before, met her officiating courses, saw her once for an awkward meeting regarding my participation in extra-curricular activity on weekend (of which she didnt approve).
Hope for the best evaluation, too.
Entahlah.
Things are beyond my control.
As Allah helped me through the path, He surely will guide me till the end. What we can focus and worry is the 'now', let the past fold and the future unfold.
Tawakkal.
Hope.
Pray.
Entahlah. I'm doing cognitive restructuring now hahahaahaha.
May i have the best evaluation for my LNPT (performance appraisal).
Let's be reminded of a special verse from Quran,
{ قَـٰلَ رَبِّ ٱحكُم بِٱلحَقِّ وَرَبُّنَا ٱلرَّحمَـٰنُ ٱلمُستَعَانُ عَلَىٰ مَا تَصِفُونَ }
[Surah Al-Anbiyāʾ: 112]
˹In the end,˺ the Prophet said, “My Lord! Judge ˹between us˺ in truth. And our Lord is the Most Compassionate, Whose help is sought against what you claim.”
(Muhammad) berkata, "Ya Tuhan-ku, berilah keputusan dengan adil 1. Dan Tuhan kami ialah Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Yang dimohon pertolongan-Nya terhadap apa yang kamu katakan".
Amiin.
II
Second story. Hehe.
Met a kind soul, random ppk, we talk while walking to our car/moto after thumbprint.
He is nice, talks casually, commenting about our nature of work in hospital (8am-5pm), asking about my current working hours too. Joking a bit about how shift works can give us 'more' time - ie house chores in the morning if started working at 2pm lol. Ended up our short conversation with, "doakan saya yang tengah sambung belajar ini". Of which he replied, "kami doakan!"
Amiin.
Feeling teary because that was a glimpse of moments encountered while i was in Jordan previously for undergrad study. Any kind random makcik would happily say doa to Allah for us the students if we told them about our state of being student of knowledge.
We never know which doa yg Allah angkat and actually keeping us under His care and blessing today.
And we never know, when will the time come later, for the fate of our encounter today with anyone, will be 'useful' or 'beneficial' for us.
Allah susun titik A, tiada sia-sia, dan suatu hari nanti kita bersyukur dan berterima kasih kerana telah diatur dengan takdir A.
May Allah guide me.
May Allah bless me.
I just loveeeee this old me, writing out my thoughts and realign it again towards His guidances.
May Allah forgive me.
May Allah increase knowledge for us all. Amiin
III
learnt from our muslim brothers from syria and palestine.
Saw one video interview, regarding how the long term prisoner are able to be freed again one day, well and alive and able to return to their family:
"Allah will not abandon His believer"
Keep believing.
