My eho story

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah, last tuesday was the long awaited day! Finally the placement for housemanship was open for my batch, thus making us as the first intake for 2018.

In shaa Allah i will continue my medicine journey as a houseman (junior doctor/ in training) in a general hospital 6km away from my home. Alhamdulillah. I am still within my comfort zone range haha.

Well, as the rumours said, e-ho (the system where we have to compete and register our hosp placement online simultaneously with all other people in the same intake batch, that was about 500?) is always terrifying. Some people got stuck for hours during eho. Some faced server time out, lagging progress, thus missing the place they have been wanting before.

So they are many tips and tricks that circulate in the net in the forms of such that fb posts and screenshots of notes. Among those tips is that we need super fast internet connection, super speedy laptop and some even told us to provide multiple devices! And most importantly, (they said) be prepare to click thousands of times...

Well, when the day arrived, i was so nervous. Am very nervous. What if i didnt get my hosp of choice? What if i had to move away from home?  What if it is in sarawak/sabah? What if this and that continue,

Until i took some time to pray...

Remember that doa of istikharah? Such that if our choice is good for us, Allah will make it an ease, and vice versa. Above all, it is not only about wanting ease or refusing hardship, but with the doa we want Allah to show us the best choice.

So, by 1130am i get everything ready  in the living room. My father sat by my side. I even had to lay down for 10 minutes for my ears treatment (waxxxxy). Out of the blue my father wanted to switch off the modem for awhile as he wanted to reset it. Kinda to refresh the wifi router. I was like....why now dad...? But i have just realised one thing,

If anything to happen (either i got the hosp i wanted or not), IT HAS BEEN WRITTEN. well, if i cant get my hosp of choice, maybe it is due to the disruption of the internet?

So i just let my father did as he wanted and i kept on laying down on the carpet. I jokingly said to him that it's okay, Allah already knows which hospital will i get, so do whatever you think best in helping me (to refresh the router) haha.

I asked my mom and dad to turn off their mobile phones' wifi. Just in case to optimise the internet connection, so that the focus is only on my laptop. And suddenly i remembered the tv! I just remembered that the tv can be of one heavy wifi user! Mom, quick, turn it off now!

So within minutes the house got so quiet and my mom was so bored that she called my grandma. I thought that was her way to calm down during the tense minutes before 12 noon.

At 1158am, according to the astro decoder (already turned off), i set 2 minutes timer on my phone. Once the alarm rings, i will just enter the system! At least i have spared few seconds past 12 so that i wont be too early from the server time.

As soon as i logged in, i just scanned the screen quickly and found the only 3 things i have to focus and fill the info:
-warganegara
-bilangan adik beradik
-bilangan anak
Some said about tajaan, but my form was already been filled with my sponsor.

Whereas other info from full name to address to birthdate etc, they are all have been completed. The data are based from our SPA form.

After the personal details section, there was about edu background for those who have other qualifications aside spm and degree, ie matriculation, a-level etc. I skipped that section since i have my degree right after spm. Alhamdulillah.

Here comes the tab for hosp choices. Right there, i was so intensely shaking! My hands and fingers felt numb and could barely move the mouse. I even had trouble clicking. What more to think about which state is it my hosp of choice is? I was so blank hahaha.

Calmly ayah said, baca doa...

And that moment baru boleh fikir....click my state...click the hospital...

Here comes the green screen! Saying that my application has been succesful! And only that moment that i can breathe...and nervously verifying that i have selected the right hospital...haha as if i've done everything on auto-pilot mode, no thinking just follow the tips given huhuhuhu.

I looked over my phone and it is still 1200. Allah. Omg. Everything settled within seconds! Within a minute!

Alhamdulillah......

Allah knows it all. Even if my own laptop wont start until it finished the window update (it dont even completed after i completed my eho), that i had to use ayah's lappy... Even the router got turned off minutes before 12 noon... And my ears keep having tinnitus (till now that i'm writing this) that i have to lay down while waiting for eho to open...

Well, pray that my hosp of choice is the best for me, and pray that i survived housemanship with Allah's redha and help, with excellent. Amiin.

🌸

Of loves and sacrifices

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Allah izin byk perkara best berlaku.

Boleh shopping di gpo, ioi...eh, best ke? Best...tapi ada perkara yg lagi best. That is, the presence of my family during my best moments.

Tapi paling undeniably appreciated, is the blessing of having my family by my side. Everyone is there when we needed. We were taught about selflessness when it comes to family matter, from our parents. Mom and dad would 'almost do anything' for us their children and to their respective family. Later my elder siblings would show the acts of selflessness and the rest would follow their steps.

My mom worked in the office, so it is relatively easy to apply for a leave, whenever needed. She could talk to me over the phone eventhough it was for a while since she was working at her table at the time.

My dad rushed home fast from work, when i called him one day, because a small snake came into the house while i was staying alone after school.

My sister took 1-month no-pay leave and multiple other leaves she could apply so that she could take care of my mom at home after her major surgery.

My brother meanwhile brought my father's car for service the whole working day and had 2-day-leave for the week to accompany mom to hospital for her post-op follow up.

Me? I dont know what did i ever done to them... I dont know if i had ever sacrificed anything for my family. All i know is that i am always the receiving party.

I thanked Allah for making us family. A special bond, that can never be broken down eventhough we are apart. I was away for 6 years by eight thousand kilometres apart, but Allah never make us disown one another. Nauzubillah min zalik.

May i become a generous person towards my family, even though if i was having a problem or matter to solve. Just now my sis said that i obviously show people my problems that i cant hide them anyway... I'm sorry, i should have been less worried for the upcoming rite? Since i got my present things in front of me...

I wish, i would always pour down my love more and more to my family, more than friends and alike.

I once made a decision of which i would never regret, that was to be with my family for raya despite my medical school graduation... Lagipun, niat enrol bukan utk graduation semata2...but for the rewards and bounty along the whole process/journey.

One day, me and my family would return to Allah, our Creator. I pray that we shall return to Him as His loyal worshipers. And may He gather us again, lovingly and gratefully in His Jannah. Amiin.

Sahur madinah

- bismillah -

Pertama kali saya makan kepingan cheddar cheese dan roti kosong keras tapi sangat sedap adalah ketika seorang wanita berikan kepadaku untuk sahur.

Aku percaya, rezeki itu dari Allah, melalui dia.

Allah tahu, waktu tu aku tak ada langsung makanan utk bersahur. Waktu tu, aku dlm perjalanan nak pulang ke hotel utk sahur, tapi sebaik mendengar azan, aku patah balik masuk ke masjid.

Oh, sudah azan. Aku tak sempat sahur. Huuuuuuuu.

Ketika itulah mak cik itu memberikan bahagian makanannya kepadaku.

Ku lihat masih ramai yang sedang menyuap makanan ketika itu.

Dan baru ku tahu, itu azan pertama waktu subuh.

Ma shaa Allah.

Aku rindu Tuhanku. Tuhan yang maha dekat. Yang memahami dan mendengar isi hatiku.

Allah, Tuhan sekalian alam. Bukan hanya di sana...

Carilah Dia dalam setiap detik hati dan monologmu.

Semoga Allah ampunkan aku.

2017 in review

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. 2017 berakhir dengan sempurna. Segala puji hanya bagi Allah.

January
Masa ni stress sebab tengah dalam rotation internal medicine. Dunia kelam. Haha. Nak sangat jumpa mak ayah. Nak travel gak... tapi tak tahu nak pi mana plus tak da gang. Ada cuti seminggu winter break, maka... Ku pulang ke malaysia. Heh. Disebabkan gigih nak travel, ambik flight transit 14jam di Abu Dhabi. Flight sampai 8pagi then 10malam pulak bertolak. So that whole day jalan-jalan di Abu Dhabi. Solo. Friday (hari cuti). Cukup pakej utk bermuhasabah dan menenangkan fikiran hahaha sbb pagi tak ada orang dekat jalan raya huhu. Pergi Mina fish market cari lunch, singgah pantai, then zuhur asar di masjid zayed grand mosque. By 6pm dah sampai airport sebab tak nak jalan malam2. Dah sampai msia pulak stay di Penang sekeluarga, then lepas tu pergi masuk sempadan Thai utk makan2. Cukup seminggu, balik semula ke jordan dengan semangat baru :) #alhamdulillah

February
Bergelut dengan end of rotation exam. Juga merupakan exam osce miniosce yang last dalam medical school. Setiap langkah rasa maca semua benda dah last2. Naik bas pun boleh termenung sbb contemplate semuanya akan berakhir soon. Huhu. Nak grad tapi pada masa yang sama sayang nak tinggalkan jordan.

Percaya atau tidak, hujung Feb balik lagi ke msia utk elective posting. Hewhew. It was end of winter, and hari yang sama nak bertolak ke malaysia, Allah izin sempat tengok + pegang pokok sakura berbunga... #alhamdulillah

March
The best month of the year. Allah izin elective yang sangat bermanfaat dan enjoyable. Stress la jugak kena study sbb kena drill topic dlm ward haha tapi study tu pun for the sake of final exam jugak. Met angels (HOs) yang sangat excellent dan helping me. And of course the whole department... Hadiah paling best after 6 weeks of posting ialah borang evaluation yang excellent, something yang tak pernah diduga sebab sejak masuk medical school selalu jadi bunga dinding ja...hehehe.
#alhamdulillah (semoga evaluation  masa mendatang adalah lebih baik)

April
Pertengahan april balik semula ke jordan. Ada masa dua minggu untuk final exam bermula (May). Phew. This was the toughest moment. Rasa susah sangat nak study. Really longgggggg days and nights of endless studying. Sometimes ada hari yang spent nangis break down or just habiskan masa di internet. Astaghfirullah. Memang tak boleh buat apa. Tapi just continue living, makan cukup, mandi grooming, tidur cukup, duduk di meja study. Hari2 pump motivasi dlm diri melalui books or videos ceramah. Boleh laa sikit2...ada hari tewas juga. Siap masak utk serumah juga despite orang lain semua tengah study pulun gila2. Later on i figured out that maybe these were symptoms of anxiety...

May
Here came the final exams! From 4th - 24th of May with 4 MCQ and 4 Vivas. Viva la vida ~~~ Exam mcq ada gap 4 hari, viva takda gap tapi hari2 berturut2. So. You can imagine it. The adrenaline was soooo high. All the time rasa nervous. Tapi, Allah tolong segalanya...
Tiada daya dan upaya melainkan dengan pertolongan Allah.
#alhamdulillah

Hari paling best dalam hidup ialah hari last jawab viva. It was internal medicine. Allah izin dr paaaaaaling baik, dr Ammar Daoud (semoga Allah berkati beliau). That day, i decided to pakai baju kurung cantik  yang paling konfiden (hehe) sebab nak celebrate hari last. Padahal result tak dapat lagi! I was among the first yang dapat giliran jawab, so, can you imagine that excitement utk habis awallllll?
#alhamdulillah hamdan kathira

Habis exam turun ke lobi hospital, student yang lain berkumpul, juga celebrating our very last day in medical school. The atmosphere was very happening. They sing darabkeh together (arabic dancing). And yeah, we congratulate each other for finishing medical school. I decided to get my wuduk done and did a most wonderful and tearful sujud syukur. Allah. That moment was a treassure yang Allah simpan dan izinkan aku merasanya...setelah sampai masanya. Beyond words, i found myself crying dalam surau paediatrik sorang2 while they sing darabkeh outside. Cry sbb kita betul2 helpless melainkan segalanya Allah yang tolong.
#alhamdulillah

It was in month of shaaban, and so was my hijri calander birthday. Multiple celebrations of joy.
#alhamdulillah

And tak dilupakan, sepanjang bulan May kami minta tlg kak arwa masakkan utk serumah...hari2. Tahun lepas masa final exam 11 paper kami makan makanan frozen for that whole month. Alhamdulillah tak ada yg kena serangam jantung etc sbb kolestrol lemak tepu hehe. Tahun 6 nih mungkin lebih matang dan fikir kerana minda yang sihat utk fikir lebih datangnya dari perut yang terjaga (maslow triangle) hahaha.
#alhamdulillah

June
Graduation thinggy! Super hectic. Jual barang. Kosongkan bilik. Kemas barang utk masuk kargo. Tutup akaun bank. Tukar duit. Shopping barang locals nak balik malaysia. Sangat packed dan busy sebab 2 minggu saja dalam bulan Jun tinggal sebelum back for good. And miracle did happen, Allah izin 12 hari di haramain. Despite busy and everything... #alhamdulillah.

It was the holy month of ramadan. And my heart kept missing all those spiritual days and nights i spent in Jordan (previous years) and haramain (this year). Semoga tidak sia2 segalanya.
#alhamdulillah

July
Back for good. Raya. Sibuk daftar MMC. First time naik ets dengan ayah ke kl. Jalan kaki ke mmc bertiga dengan kakak.

August
Pergi MMC lagi sekali utk fetch no kelulusan daftar. But this time pergi sorang naik ets. Sampai sana kakak drive to mmc, and waktu balik gps ter-bawa ke bukit bintang (center of kl instead of klcc haha) so amik kesempatan makan syawarma halab. Yummeh.

Travelled with kakak & family to Singapore! As a post graduation trip and rewards. Sadly mom and dad stayed behind due to health condition.

September
My cargo boxes arrived. Kemas bilik bakar buku2 lama sejak sekolah. Mak ayah beli perabot baru utk bilik. Welcoming me home and so that i can easily move on. Percerah kampung halaman gak, belajar sapu2 daun kering dan nyalakan api (hewhew). Really feel like a stay-at-home housekeeper.

October
Mak decided to undergo THR surgery. After that major surgery, everything changed. Our routine kemas2 rumah, cakar2 daun kering, keluar naik kereta pergi pasar/beli lauk everyday came to halt. Every focus is now on mom. Recovery period may take 3 months. I too sometimes cried and touched when seeing my mom that time. Doctor said she has to wait after the recovery period before she is allowed to walk. In shaa Allah.

November
Mom's condition improving. She was able to handle herself well. Lesser crying. Lesser complaints. Me too. Ayah helped mak a lot, wayyy more than her children did. May Allah bless them. Attended every follow up with the doctor at kmc succesfully.
#alhamdulillah

December
Kakak and her family were here at kampung! It was school holiday and full house it was with 10s of us. Every day was fun and filled with both laughters of joy and shouts of anger haha with 3 kids around. Indeed, a very merry month of the year.
#alhamdulillah

***

Truthfully saying, all those things that had happened.. indeed are the countless blessings from Allah.

I believe everything in this world is temporary, be it the joy or the bitter one, but our gratitude, gratefulness and patience are what make those memories/experience to be beneficial and significant.

As muslim, what matter most is, our gratitude (kesyukuran) is also a form of ibadah.

Semoga 2018 dilimpahi kesyukuran dan kesabaran.

Segalanya adalah milik Allah.
Dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah juga kita kembali.

❤

-Catatan seorang hamba yang (masih) diberi hari baru dalam 2018...semoga bermanfaat hingga ke akhirnya.

#alhamdulillah