it is okay, it's gonna be alright

- bismillah -

(وَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱلۡحَیِّ ٱلَّذِی لَا یَمُوتُ وَسَبِّحۡ بِحَمۡدِهِۦۚ وَكَفَىٰ بِهِۦ بِذُنُوبِ عِبَادِهِۦ خَبِیرًا)

[Surah Al-Furqan 58]

Last 2 weeks were stressful enough for my skin to flare up again.

My sinusitis also got worse up till my ear got stuffed one sidedly too (not just nose got stuffy).

And subhanAllah.

I kept telling myself not to dwell in self pity.

And strive hard to achieve amal soleh.

Be it stressful, be it alone.

Strive.

Because with amal soleh, 

Know that to achieve amal soleh is the best achievement in this dunia. Amal soleh, is our manifestation of faith and iman. Amal soleh, is/are ones that we believe that we would 'bring' to meet Allah.

Strive. No matter what your challenge(s) is/are. Be it physically, mentally, know that u must strive continuosly.

And all that need tawakal.

For Allah is always there. Always here. Always with us. No matter what our condition(s) is/are/was/were/will be.

Jom.

Tawakal

Tasbih

Tahmid

Istighfar.

Semoga Allah jaga kita semua, tak ditinggalkan seorang diri di dunia dan akhirat dalam menghadapi cabaran sekeliling.

What ever difficulty you are currently in, trust Allah He is with you. Always there.

*Hugs yourself with this ayat

a reflective sunday

- bismillah -

This morning i made another workout, walking for 5km around my kampung #yeay alhamdulillah.

I started earlier than before, that was at 730am instead of 8am because i know my speed would be 1 hour for 5km, 30mins for 3km, or longer for both. So far couldnt be any shorter hahaha.

Since i'm going alone, i will not be going out too early in the morning, and i will tell my mom the estimated time that i'll reach home. So today i just said to her to call me if i'm not home yet after an hour.

Safety is number one. 

And for more precaution as a lone runner, i dont keep a routine exercise. I wont take same route on any same time at any day to avoid bad people, well, just in case. Next, i tried to make connections with people around (rumah2 orang kampung tepi jalan). Just in case, knowing some important / respected elders might help building the safety-net around me. 

Above all, Allah's protection is what i seek. 

Walking alone has been a theraphy for me. When i was in jordan, i ponder a lot and came with lots of reflective ideas and motivations to survive medical school. All these were gained during walking/ commuting to and fro the university.

Today, as i was walking, i started to realise that i love being alone. I enjoy being alone. And i get to know my self more. I am more thankful for being in my current state of mind and living condition.

Despite having chronic autoimmune illness, alhamdulillah i can still target for 5km walking. (I will not focus on pace /speed of walking/running). Alhamdulillah for the chance and opportunity. Imagine some other people will other illnesses that just preventing them from even stepping the foot...like carcinoma etc (nauzubillah min zalik).

So, kata2 ajaib / kata hikmat yg keluar masa jalan2 tadi adalah....

Focus apa yg kita ada, tak perlu fokus apa yang takda.

So single life, takde anak/ pasangan nak difikirkan makan sarapan apa etc, hahaha, why dont i just run/ exercise 🤣

So, if u bangun tido pagi had to think what ur family got to eat for that day, then buatla benda tu..nak cari bahan / masak ke etc, fokus apa yg u ada / perlu, jgn fokus apa yg tak ada / tak perlu...

Enjoying my early morning activity very much alhamdulillah ☘️

Alhamdulillah for a pleasant free sunday morning without any other commitments other than self-care 💕

Alhamdulillah

sabar with current condition

- bismillah -

Today is another sunday. 

But it was counter productive than my previous sunday last week.

Waking up with diarhea (which i dont know the cause), slow-pressure water supply (naseb baik masih ada air) since morning. So no laundry, no morning walk/jog. 

Well, it does make me feel sad and not achieve anything.

On top of that, the rashes flare up again, since 1 week. I use the lowest dose of hydrocortisone cream and it doesnt seem to work. Maybe starting tomorrow i would have to use the potent one...bepraslic like i used before.

I am sad. Sometimes i have no motivation and too lazy to apply topical medications. I tried to religiously putting on moisturiser (lotion/cream) post shower, taking shorter colder shower than before, but when the skin still flares up, i just kinda bit disappointed.

Anyway, i am sharing here (in writing) because i dont want to talk (speak, discuss) about it with anyone. Pretend u didnt know my struggle with my skin condition if u've ever know/meet me in person.

Now coming to diarrhea issue, this is the first episode since i'm back in malaysia. Previously back in jordan, i consume so much sugar (biscuits, chocolates, ice cream, cookies, pizza) and dairy products (milk, cheese, yogurt) that i had diarhea episodes almost every month. Since i'm in malaysia, i didnt eat as much junks sugary food as when i was overseas. My mother once threw away a big bag of marshmallow that i bought 🤣 #sorrynotsorry. Since then, i know i have to control my sugar cravings. I also found that my threshold for spicy food lowered after back for good from the middle east, since i would have acid reflux and sometimes diarhea if i ate spicy meals (fyi, i love spicy food / sambal before i went to middle east hahaha).

But last night, i made a hot chocolate drink, eat nasi ayam with the cili sauce tuang semua dalam nasi...and there it is, diarhea comes first the next morning 🤦

They said about leaky gut syndrome etc right? I dont know. But as long as i avoid sugary food and eggs, my skin seems to be okay. And so does my bowel motion. Urmmm.

I missed my former housemates during medical student days. They would cook separately for me to avoid allergy / trigger, ie - another pot of laksa with no belacan, another pan of nasi goreng with no eggs, etc. It was so good to be surrounded with supportive friends.

Today, i just eaten nasi goreng cina  (with telur) for lunch and right now, i'm suffering with new flares and itchiness. I know i'm responsible for my own choice, but when the food was already prepared/bought in front of me, how can i resist it right 😅

All in all, i hope i have strong supports and self motivation

- to live my life with all the moisturising regime, 

- to religiously apply steroid and taper them down during acute flares, 

and strong enough 

- to just refuse food containing allergens 😿

Farhana, be strong. Dont think too much. Allah surely is always here with you. He knows all the pain, the itch, the bleeds, the scratches, the crusts and skin peels, and all.

Sabar. 

Sabar.

Sabar.

a productive sunday morning

- bismillah -

It was kinda disturbing for me (previously) when seeing updates and stories about my friends having to handle their kids haha.

So i decided to live my single life to the fullest (haha, at least, today?)

So it's Sunday today. By 11.33 am (time of writing this), i manage to achieve all these:

- 2 loads of laundry + hanging them dry outdoor (ongoing 3rd batch - my work out clothes)

- vacuuming my bedroom and halway

- vacuuming my bed (haha this is important)

- 30 mins morning walk of 2.75km around my kampung

- short break after jogging with simple gardening ( trimmed the roses and a bonsai-in-the-making)

- taking shower with after-shower moisturising

- having brunch! (I didnt cook them, my mom & brother went early morning to buy them)

- taking my daily medication :)

- light reading from our wilayah mufti tazkirah (bayan linnas)

Well, having a chronic autoimmune skin condition wont allow me to be this happy and high at all the times. There were days when i'm in low and depressive mood too haha. When that happens, i just lay down in my bed with pijama until zohor haha lol.

So, this is what life at 27 years old with no kids around and no spouse haha. I can just do what i want to do, having no pressure of task/obligation.

Anyway, let's live our own life to the fullest, according to our own capacity.

Now, i am waiting for whatsapp messages from the JMs (community nurses) about home visits for the newborns and their mommies condition (today is my passive oncall day). They will do the home visit and notify me the updates and progress.

Hope all is well.

☘️

Semoga Allah berkati dan beri peluang utk kita beramal, tika lapang dan sibuk, dengan amal fardhu dan sunat.

Ingatlah, semua nya utk Allah. Baru ada kesan dan kebaikan. Semoga tak rugi di dunia dan akhirat. Amiin. 

Writing here so that i know, and remember, that today is one of the many good sunday morning that i am grateful for. Alhamdulillah.