happy 29th bday

Alhamdulillah

Reaching 29 years of blessings and mercy dengan izin Allah

This year, i make a different approach, that is I didnt equate birthday with cake(s), and celebration.

Taun lepas i had a blast...a custom-made beautiful poppy lemon cake, brownies tower, boxes of different fillings of cheese tarts, sponges cannolies, and so much more. I even received a sturdy bike as a birthday present.

But this year, i purposely said to my parents, i dont want any cake. I didnt prepare nor expect for any celebration. I just dont want it, i just dont have the feeling of celebrating.

I see cakes as sugars and fats. Such a big problem, right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Anyway, my mother had my brother brought boxes of pizza home last night with cakes and we celebrated it simply and humbly. I feel more contented this way. We all eat together at the dinner table, with everyone of us (parents, me, abang and his wife and their 3 children).

My sister also with us, wished me from her home 😉

Alhamdulillah.

I feel blessed in simplicity and humbleness.

For the first time, I am grateful and be more appreciative with birthday wishes. In previous years, i got a lot of wishes in fb even from random friends and acquaintances. But this time, i kept it low in socmed about my birthday, and I received beautiful birthday wishes more on my whatsapp (personal message) than on my fb wall. I feel special and they make me feel very close with them despite not meeting physically since few years or maybe even since last decade. They make me feel alive with memories. I've maybe never really wished them for their bday 🥲 in fact, i never remember anyones birthday except my family members (and 2 of my primary school friends 😂)

Anyway, 

I wish i am a better person and friend in our friendship and for any relationship.

At 29, i surprised myself with some doubts about being undiagnosed adult adhd, but i just brush it off currently. Previously i've been doing adhd trait checklist but had never once be related, but in 29 i think i have some concerns about it - especially in my inattentiveness in relationships. But i dont want to seek confirmations yet. Myb it's just stress and socmed distractions that i am becoming less attentive...that's what my mind said. I'm just not ready for another diagnosis yet...i felt good enough living with psoriasis, and it has been 2 years since the formal diagnosis and i think i've been doing well alhamdulillah.

May Allah bless me.

Anyway, as what i wrote just now in fb, to feel contented is the biggest blessing in life. To be able to achieve simplicity and be fine with it, is a form of being content and leading to gratefulness. Berkat tu penting.

I am grateful and thankful for everything in this world,

I pray my akhirat life will always be better. Amiin

🤍 All praises be to Allah 🤍

my 1st iucd, and bye bye 2021

Alhamdulillah

Segala puji hanya bagi Allah 🤲

Hari ni i belajar masukkan iucd, hasil tunjuk ajar my colleague. Alhamdulillah.

Last year around this time in December, i learnt about implanon insertion. Belajar during a bengkel from FMS.

Last two years, also end of December, during housemanship while in ED, i had successfully intubated a patient, under direct supervision from my EP.

SubhanAllah.

Cantiknya perancangan Allah.

While i think i has not much achievement over the course of the year, Allah makes me realise about His countless blessing, and granted me such big blessed moments for my life.

Alhamdulillah.

Semoga Allah berkati perjalanan ini.

اللهم اختم لنا بحسن الخاتمة ولا تختم علينا

بسوء الخاتمة

Teringat moto hidup suatu masa dulu,

Ilmu yg diamalkan ialah saham dalam kubur. 

Dan untuk segala nikmat Allah yang tidak mampu dihitung manusia, segala puji hanya bagi Allah...

Semoga 2022 lebih baik amiin.

Semoga hidup dan mati dalam hidayah dan petunjuk Allah.

Amiin

Pengalaman Kuarantin

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Ini kali pertama saya berpengalaman kuarantin secara rasmi (bersurat dan bergelang).

Covid 19 mula pada hujung 2019. Saya jadi MO pada awal 2020.

Jadi, berpeluang merasa menjadi junior mo kontrak yang sememangnya ditugaskan untuk berdepan dengan kes covid.

Ketika di ED, merasa gelombang kedua covid (kluster tabligh). Alhamdulillah tiada pesakit yang saya jumpa dan ambil sample di ED yang positif.

Kemudian mendapat penempatan di KK. Ketika itu, siapa yang datang dari luar perlis perlu ambil swab. Saya terlepas kerana sememangnya jati perlis. Haha. Jadi masih tiada rekod diambil swab.

Until recently, baru lah jumpa seorang yang positif (maka saya menjadi kontak rapat). Sedangkan rakan2 lain sudah ramai yang mendapat exposure begini.

Apabila menjadi kontak rapat, yg dirisaukan adalah ahli rumah. 

Alhamdulillah ibu ayah telah mendapat vaksin (alhamdulillah mereka mendaftar awal, tidak terpengaruh dengan pendirian atas pagar ataupun antivaks). Tetapi masih ada ahli rumah yang belum mendapat vaccine, iaitu anak saudara saya yang baru lahir ke dunia pada hari yang sama saya diberitahu sebagai kontak rapat!

The baby is covid-naive. Sy dan ahli keluarga yang lain mungkin sudah pernah terdedah covid sebelum ini tapi tidak pernah sedar (tiada simptom). Tapi baby ini, tidak pernah bertemu covid...alangkah bahaya nya jika saya berstatus positive setelah menjadi kontak rapat.

Hari pertama kuarantin, saya tidak keluar bilik. Kemudian diberitahu utk kuarantin seisi rumah oleh bilik gerakan, saya masih lagi makan berasingan dlm bilik, memakai mask ketika keluar dari bilik, menyembur bilik air dengan spray disinfectant setiap kali selepas guna.

Saya minta utk ambil swab, sy perlu tahu status ini. Jika dulu tiada baby, tidak ada simptom, tak apa tak ambil swab pun, jika positive dan lega sendiri tak jejas siapa2. Tapi kali ini, ada baby naive-covid, lebih baik jauhkan diri dari awal (dan jika keputusan positive walaupun simptom terkawal maka perlu kuarantin di tempat lain).

Alhamdulillah keputusan negative. Terus saya makan di meja makan, bukan dalam bilik lagi. 😅😅😅

Reaksi ahli keluarga saya

Mula2 ketika hanya saya yg berkurung dalam bilik, mereka masih bebas keluar dan tidak kerisauan.

Bila dapat arahan kuarantin serumah (mereka kontak casual, bukan kontak rapat), maka macam mana kami nak beli makanan setiap hari (family lauk kedai, jarang masak)... Haha

Maka ketika ini shopee mart (express delivery next day) mainkan peranan.

Kakak saya di KL carikan runner (service berbayar, tapi bagus dia buat kerja, sanitise barang yg dia belikan) di Perlis utk beli stok makanan juga.

Dan nikmat serta rezeki silaturahim, makcik saya berulang alik menghantar bahan basah (haha akhirnya kami makan homecooked) dan sarapan pagi (nasik lemak).

Foodpanda mainkan peranan besar juga ahahaha.

Ibu baru bersalin yang perlu beri barang tambahan juga terpaksa kami beli online dan runner (makcik kami) tolong ambilkan barang dari kedai.

Baby kecil? Ulang alik ke klinik untuk mengambil darah cek kuning di kawasan hio (misi tidak boleh datang ke rumah). Lebih menyedihkan, baby NNJ (kuning tinggi) pada hari kedua, maka perlu masuk wad, tapi ibu bapanya bergelang maka baby di bawa pergi dengan ambulan dan petugas kesihatan memakai full PPE. Sayu. Admit sorang2, orang lain bawakan, dah macam pt positif, padahal dia jugak contact casual, bukan kontak rapat. (sori baby)

Susah rupanya bila kuarantin seisi rumah ahaaha.

Tapi hikmahnya, baby terjauh daripada kami (saya terutamanya) yg ketika itu masih belum tahu status covid.

Menjelang hari ke 8 baru saya amik swab. Hari berikutnya baru tahu keputusan pada sebelah malam (kawan saya cekkan dlm sistem, kalau ikut bilik gerakan dan sistem mysejahtera keesokan harinya akan dimaklumkan keputusan).

By end of quarantine, kami dah berjaya ambil nombor kedai runcit terdekat utk pembelian barang basah (alhamdulillah tokay bagi masuk buku 555 dulu, dia kata after quarantine baru bagi duit). No telefon kedai roti canai dan nasi lemak juga kami berjaya dapat. Maka kehidupan hampir kembali normal. Foodpanda pun terer cari rumah sbb dah kerap haha. Jadi dah berjaya kurangkan utk susahkan makcik kami utk banyak perkara. Alhamdulillah.

Segala puji bagi Allah yang memudahkan urusan kuarantin kami sekeluarga.

Air dicencang tak akan putus.

Terima kasih kerana berkorban bersama-sama.

Terima kasih atas kebersamaan ini, semoga Allah panjangkan hingga ke syurga.

(Kalo tak nak kuarantin seisi rumah, saya perlu asingkan diri di tempat lain / betul2 tak keluar bilik / clorox bilik air setiap masa / tiada kontak langsung dengan ahli rumah). Apa yg saya buat hampir serupa, tapi hanyalah minimise contact, tidak mampu tiada kontak langsung kerana bilik saya dan toilet berada di laluan utama keluar masuk hahahahaha. Jadi, utk yg lain, jika kuarantin seisi rumah boleh bercampur secara biasa dengan ahli rumah... Tp sedarlah diri sebagai kontak positif, jgn jadi pembawa pulak😅😂

Semoga Allah lindung kita semua. Amiin.

Catatan Ramadan 1442 #1

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Another blessed ramadan is here for us to appreciate and strive for the best. This is my first post in this month and it's 24th ramadan already. SubhanAllah. How fast time flies.

In this ramadan, Allah granted me a lot of time and opportunity, i think more than i ever had before when i was still in school/university (dont mention housemanship). This is my 2nd ramadan as an MO, but first time as KK MO, hence no such working at night time in this ramadan. SubhanAllah.

Last year i was walking all night as ED floater mo in ramadan.

Last 2 years i was assisting my ortho mo in OT during last 10 days of ramadan.

Last 3 years i was a junior houseman walking around all night doing ward works, and i remembered bring food for berbuka for night shift, also taking sahur meal at 4am in ward pantry, or earlier since anything can just happened and i might risk myself terlepas sahur.

SubhanAllah.

This year i able to sleep all night. I dont know if this is a blessing or something else. Definitely, everything is ujian for us.

Speaking of trials/ ujian, my cat passed away unexpectedly in this ramadan. It had been missing since past 3 days, then my parents found his body at the back of our house - lying lifeless. We suspected that it had been poisoned by weeds killer (racun rumput).

We all cried. 

I cant imagine such a sudden passing if it happened among our family members.

May Allah forgive us all.

Truth is, those who are alive will taste death, and when it comes to us, no one can ever hold / stop / fasten it.

May Allah forgive us all.

Didi, thank you for coming and staying. I love you. I'm sorry i wasnt the best caregiver. We are all sorry. I heard cats do enter Jannah. 

...

I cant help crying again.

...

May Allah forgive us all. 

Amiin.

2nd dose pfizer

- bismillah -

Today is the 3rd day post jab. I had a low grade fever on day 1, then was well the next day. Took 3 doses of pcm then no need anymore.

This morning, i was able to go for a slow walk of 2km (with my nephew and niece tagging along i cant go far). However, since the weather was quite humid and cloudy this morning, i sweat a lot and my psoriasis body wasnt comfortable with it. Guess what did i do? I took a bike ride haha for the sake of wanting to freshen up my body...ended up till 10km hahahaha. But still feeling better with less sweating hahaha.

Somehow, hopefully all is well. I paused my methotrexate doses since 2 weeks prior my 1st dose of vaccine, up till now. I think i shall resume the doses after 14 days post 2nd dose injection. I'll confirm it with my dermatologist on my scheduled appointment next Monday in shaa Allah.

Alhamdulillah. I think my psoriasis flare up has better control now since i finished housemanship. Less stress, shorter working time, better meal times, able to take regular normal showers, more times for physical activities, more condusive air-conditioned rooms, etc...alhamdulillah. Allah indeed is the Healer and He provides the cures for every disease.

May Allah bless me.

May Allah bless us all.

May the covid pandemic be lifted up, and may we muslims are granted and invited to be among the Hajj and umrah pilgrimages. Amiin.

1st dose pfizer

- bismillah - 

Alhamdulillah. Finally, i received the vaccine for covid 19. Finally malaysians got vaccinated in march haha after several other countries had already completed their 2nd doses 😅 it's okay, better late than never.

I am lucky to be in 1st batch among frontliners. Alhamdulillah.

As a person having autoimmune disease, i stopped my methotrexate 2 weeks prior vaccination (of which i asked my consultant first).

Hope all is well. In shaa Allah.

May Allah safeguard us all. Amiin.

Ps/

So many good things happened in February, yet i havent got time to write them all as written memories (parents anniversary, my birthday).

Anyway, alhamdulillah for everything.

Pssss/

Love exists in vast forms.

1/1/2021

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Berpeluang menjejak 2021, hari pertama bersamaan Jumaat juga.

2020, ialah tahun yang sekejap.

Sekejap saja, tahu2 habis housemanship.

Then floating di department yang diminta.

PKP. MCO for whole nation, merasa la jalan raya lengang sebab everyone stayed home except us frontliners.

My whole family tinggal di rumah kampung for quite few months (kakak wfh, abang pindah).

I struggled with my skin condition worsening. But alhamdulillah, kejap ja, Allah izin jumpa rawatan.

Been to colmar tropicale, which was among my wishlist masa kecik2.

Revisited teluk batik with whole family. 

Raya haji with family full house.

Blessed birthday celebrations for everyone.

Visited few houses before buying, ada yang tak jadi, alhamdulillah. Ada yang menjadi, in shaa Allah.

Sekejap saja duduk ED, then kena pindah KK utk penempatan semula.

Lebih lapang, lebih banyak ujian masa dan iman sebenarnya.

Enjoyed the moment of my first few implanons insertions, antenatal scans, menyantuni pakcik makcik tua, menyantuni anak2 kecil yg terlebih berat atau terkurang berat, yang tidak bercakap, yang hyperactive.

Then sekejap saja, sudah tamat 2020.

So to recap, 2020 is more to having family support and love alhamdulillah.

My career? ada progress, alhamdulillah.

My relationship? Haha. Met few, yes few, but Allah surely has better plan for me.

My self growth? I learnt chinese language (and still slowly progressing), oh ya just remembered that in 2020, i changed the furnitures inside my bedroom to white hehe and with everyones help too. What more can i say in terms of self growth? 

Well, in 2020, i was diagnosed with chronic autoimmune disease. It was hard to live with it, but anyway it has been with me since early 20's, just that in 2020 i got to meet the correct doctor for the diagnosis and treatment. To be honest, i am grateful for it because i pray for the cure and the diagnosis for so long (seek various medical facilities and different doctors but none be able to catch it). So finally, in June 2020, my assumption for self assessment was correct. (I am in medical field, i know my condition, but i need the authorised doctor to evaluate me for the diagnosis and treatment).

So, having this chronic condition, not just anyone would suit me. Not just anyone can be my spouse. 

And i am grateful for the tapisan. Thank you Allah.

My spouse, which Allah dah tentukan di lauh mahfuz, must be someone so special... because i myself cant accept my condition too sometimes...*tears

(Maybe he is not in this world...

But in akhirat, in shaa Allah my disease would not be there anymore.

I pray for Jannah, because in there, nobody will have any sickness ma shaa Allah.)

Only Allah can accept me.

Only ones who are chosen by Allah can accept me.

I thank Allah for all the love and care from my family, from everyone who loves me.

Indeed, Allah's love is above everything.

Thank you Allah for all the love.

Thank you Allah for all the care.

Thank you Allah for everything.

اللهمّ إنّي أسئلك حبّك وحبّ من يحبّك والعمل الّذين يبلّغنا إلى حبّك