alhamdulillah for His love and care

- bismillah -

Last thursday, it was raining heavily in the afternoon when i was sitting in the consultation room at a clinic desa, seeing a patient. Every thursday there would be one doctor dispatched from main clinic to the rural clinic to go see patients there. Suddenly my phone rang. It was my mom. I picked up the phone after i asked for excuse from my patient.

"Hello adik, hujan ni... Boleh keluar makan ka? Nak mak ayah hantar makanan dak?" My mom offered to buy me lunch since they were nearby. They were just going home from visiting my nenek.

I was so touched. I am grateful for their love and care over me. Alhamdulillah. I felt so loved that i want to write it in here so that this moment and memory will last, at least in writing, and may the gratefulness and the loves shown will be last till Jannah amiin.

I am thankful to Allah for giving me love and care with my parents and family members. May Allah bless us all and gather us all in Jannah amiin.

❤️

And today, my parents drive and keep me company for my car service maintenance at Alor Setar. I booked the earliest schedule since the centre told me it cant be any later, so as early as 7am we had to depart from our home to alor setar. My father drove his car while i drove mine with my mom. Later we went for breakfast by one of the stalls nearby at mergong, then went inside tesco for their toilet hehe, and the rest of the time just waited inside the car at the parking lot. Haha. That is the power of love from my parents. They sacrificed their time, and everything for their children. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah for our time, money, health and soul granted from Allah to be spent on good things. I can never repay them, i pray may Allah grant both my parents with Jannatul Firdaus the highest heaven amiin.

And remember that if we want to 'give' anything, start giving to our family.

May Allah bless us all with His endless love and mercy. Amiin.

SubhanAllah

Alhamdulillah

Astaghfirullah

bengkel implanon

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. This morning i attended a workshop on implanon, organised by my local health authorities (JKN & PKD).

I am thankful for our state FMS who have help to train us about this.

And i am thankful i am chosen to attend. Alhamdulillah for the chance of learning.

Step by step, little by little, learning how to live a good doctor life. Few months back i was still clueless about what and how KK doctors should be doing...

Being in KK, i sense that i'm more involved with community, being exposed to true color and state of our citizens, not just their health status but also about their economic and social life. 

Well, being in MCH means, u also have to think and educate about contraception, apart from antenatal check ups. Contraception is important for one's health and economic status. For example, I cannot allow an unemployed mother with uncontrolled blood pressure and blood sugar, already with 6 children, to have another child the next year post current pregnancy! Haha.

Today course held at KK bumbung biru. It's only 5 mins from my home hahaha (compared to my working clinic is 25mins away). So biasalah bila makin dekat ni, makin lambat sampai hahahahaha.

Bad habit 😅

Anyway, i reached there past 5 mins. The FMS has started his lecture but luckily it's still in the first page hahahahaha. I secured my seat straight away and pay attention to the lecture.

Lama dah rasa tak buat gimmick mcm tu lol. Ampunnn.

Anyway, i survived the lecture without any yawn, no thought drifting, no doodling etc (thanks to my adrenaline rush in the first place for being late lol). All attention up hehe.

Later on my clinic boss arrived. Hehehehe. U know that feeling, like boss like employee gitu 🤣 lambattt.

Then we proceeded to hands on session. 

My friend injected LA. Then patient tanya, very anxiously, "tangan saya hilang ke doktor?"

Hahaha. I can just sengih dalam mask. Lps tu FMS pun terlepas gelak sekali haha. Then he explained la, that numbness is the effect of LA given. 

Hahahaah. Serius la puan....

Well, panjang pulak. Urm, the purpose of this blog entry is:

"So far your insertion is the best!" - FMS yg supervise me

Alhamdulillah.

I am happy. I am grateful. May Allah grant me better chances and continuous flow of teachings and guidances in the future too amiin.

May Allah grant us all with His Jannah.

That is the ultimate place of happiness. 

Alhamdulillah. Seronok tengok FMS sharing their experiences, teaching us skills especially communication skills with patients, etc.

Doakan semoga farhana jadi doktor pakar yang cemerlang dunia akhirat amiin.

Ps. Tq dr. Lama dah saya tak dapat jadi / buat sesuatu yg 'the best'. Last maybe masa sekolah? Haha. Sejak masuk medical school, i think everything i did was 'mediocre' or 'average' 'asal lulus cukup' hahaha😅😂🤣 depress gak la dulu awai2 lulss.

Pss. Catatan utk kenangan farhana pada masa depan ketika dah lupa haha. Chin up, do what u love, love what u do.

it is okay, it's gonna be alright

- bismillah -

(وَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱلۡحَیِّ ٱلَّذِی لَا یَمُوتُ وَسَبِّحۡ بِحَمۡدِهِۦۚ وَكَفَىٰ بِهِۦ بِذُنُوبِ عِبَادِهِۦ خَبِیرًا)

[Surah Al-Furqan 58]

Last 2 weeks were stressful enough for my skin to flare up again.

My sinusitis also got worse up till my ear got stuffed one sidedly too (not just nose got stuffy).

And subhanAllah.

I kept telling myself not to dwell in self pity.

And strive hard to achieve amal soleh.

Be it stressful, be it alone.

Strive.

Because with amal soleh, 

Know that to achieve amal soleh is the best achievement in this dunia. Amal soleh, is our manifestation of faith and iman. Amal soleh, is/are ones that we believe that we would 'bring' to meet Allah.

Strive. No matter what your challenge(s) is/are. Be it physically, mentally, know that u must strive continuosly.

And all that need tawakal.

For Allah is always there. Always here. Always with us. No matter what our condition(s) is/are/was/were/will be.

Jom.

Tawakal

Tasbih

Tahmid

Istighfar.

Semoga Allah jaga kita semua, tak ditinggalkan seorang diri di dunia dan akhirat dalam menghadapi cabaran sekeliling.

What ever difficulty you are currently in, trust Allah He is with you. Always there.

*Hugs yourself with this ayat

a reflective sunday

- bismillah -

This morning i made another workout, walking for 5km around my kampung #yeay alhamdulillah.

I started earlier than before, that was at 730am instead of 8am because i know my speed would be 1 hour for 5km, 30mins for 3km, or longer for both. So far couldnt be any shorter hahaha.

Since i'm going alone, i will not be going out too early in the morning, and i will tell my mom the estimated time that i'll reach home. So today i just said to her to call me if i'm not home yet after an hour.

Safety is number one. 

And for more precaution as a lone runner, i dont keep a routine exercise. I wont take same route on any same time at any day to avoid bad people, well, just in case. Next, i tried to make connections with people around (rumah2 orang kampung tepi jalan). Just in case, knowing some important / respected elders might help building the safety-net around me. 

Above all, Allah's protection is what i seek. 

Walking alone has been a theraphy for me. When i was in jordan, i ponder a lot and came with lots of reflective ideas and motivations to survive medical school. All these were gained during walking/ commuting to and fro the university.

Today, as i was walking, i started to realise that i love being alone. I enjoy being alone. And i get to know my self more. I am more thankful for being in my current state of mind and living condition.

Despite having chronic autoimmune illness, alhamdulillah i can still target for 5km walking. (I will not focus on pace /speed of walking/running). Alhamdulillah for the chance and opportunity. Imagine some other people will other illnesses that just preventing them from even stepping the foot...like carcinoma etc (nauzubillah min zalik).

So, kata2 ajaib / kata hikmat yg keluar masa jalan2 tadi adalah....

Focus apa yg kita ada, tak perlu fokus apa yang takda.

So single life, takde anak/ pasangan nak difikirkan makan sarapan apa etc, hahaha, why dont i just run/ exercise 🤣

So, if u bangun tido pagi had to think what ur family got to eat for that day, then buatla benda tu..nak cari bahan / masak ke etc, fokus apa yg u ada / perlu, jgn fokus apa yg tak ada / tak perlu...

Enjoying my early morning activity very much alhamdulillah ☘️

Alhamdulillah for a pleasant free sunday morning without any other commitments other than self-care 💕

Alhamdulillah

sabar with current condition

- bismillah -

Today is another sunday. 

But it was counter productive than my previous sunday last week.

Waking up with diarhea (which i dont know the cause), slow-pressure water supply (naseb baik masih ada air) since morning. So no laundry, no morning walk/jog. 

Well, it does make me feel sad and not achieve anything.

On top of that, the rashes flare up again, since 1 week. I use the lowest dose of hydrocortisone cream and it doesnt seem to work. Maybe starting tomorrow i would have to use the potent one...bepraslic like i used before.

I am sad. Sometimes i have no motivation and too lazy to apply topical medications. I tried to religiously putting on moisturiser (lotion/cream) post shower, taking shorter colder shower than before, but when the skin still flares up, i just kinda bit disappointed.

Anyway, i am sharing here (in writing) because i dont want to talk (speak, discuss) about it with anyone. Pretend u didnt know my struggle with my skin condition if u've ever know/meet me in person.

Now coming to diarrhea issue, this is the first episode since i'm back in malaysia. Previously back in jordan, i consume so much sugar (biscuits, chocolates, ice cream, cookies, pizza) and dairy products (milk, cheese, yogurt) that i had diarhea episodes almost every month. Since i'm in malaysia, i didnt eat as much junks sugary food as when i was overseas. My mother once threw away a big bag of marshmallow that i bought 🤣 #sorrynotsorry. Since then, i know i have to control my sugar cravings. I also found that my threshold for spicy food lowered after back for good from the middle east, since i would have acid reflux and sometimes diarhea if i ate spicy meals (fyi, i love spicy food / sambal before i went to middle east hahaha).

But last night, i made a hot chocolate drink, eat nasi ayam with the cili sauce tuang semua dalam nasi...and there it is, diarhea comes first the next morning 🤦

They said about leaky gut syndrome etc right? I dont know. But as long as i avoid sugary food and eggs, my skin seems to be okay. And so does my bowel motion. Urmmm.

I missed my former housemates during medical student days. They would cook separately for me to avoid allergy / trigger, ie - another pot of laksa with no belacan, another pan of nasi goreng with no eggs, etc. It was so good to be surrounded with supportive friends.

Today, i just eaten nasi goreng cina  (with telur) for lunch and right now, i'm suffering with new flares and itchiness. I know i'm responsible for my own choice, but when the food was already prepared/bought in front of me, how can i resist it right 😅

All in all, i hope i have strong supports and self motivation

- to live my life with all the moisturising regime, 

- to religiously apply steroid and taper them down during acute flares, 

and strong enough 

- to just refuse food containing allergens 😿

Farhana, be strong. Dont think too much. Allah surely is always here with you. He knows all the pain, the itch, the bleeds, the scratches, the crusts and skin peels, and all.

Sabar. 

Sabar.

Sabar.

a productive sunday morning

- bismillah -

It was kinda disturbing for me (previously) when seeing updates and stories about my friends having to handle their kids haha.

So i decided to live my single life to the fullest (haha, at least, today?)

So it's Sunday today. By 11.33 am (time of writing this), i manage to achieve all these:

- 2 loads of laundry + hanging them dry outdoor (ongoing 3rd batch - my work out clothes)

- vacuuming my bedroom and halway

- vacuuming my bed (haha this is important)

- 30 mins morning walk of 2.75km around my kampung

- short break after jogging with simple gardening ( trimmed the roses and a bonsai-in-the-making)

- taking shower with after-shower moisturising

- having brunch! (I didnt cook them, my mom & brother went early morning to buy them)

- taking my daily medication :)

- light reading from our wilayah mufti tazkirah (bayan linnas)

Well, having a chronic autoimmune skin condition wont allow me to be this happy and high at all the times. There were days when i'm in low and depressive mood too haha. When that happens, i just lay down in my bed with pijama until zohor haha lol.

So, this is what life at 27 years old with no kids around and no spouse haha. I can just do what i want to do, having no pressure of task/obligation.

Anyway, let's live our own life to the fullest, according to our own capacity.

Now, i am waiting for whatsapp messages from the JMs (community nurses) about home visits for the newborns and their mommies condition (today is my passive oncall day). They will do the home visit and notify me the updates and progress.

Hope all is well.

☘️

Semoga Allah berkati dan beri peluang utk kita beramal, tika lapang dan sibuk, dengan amal fardhu dan sunat.

Ingatlah, semua nya utk Allah. Baru ada kesan dan kebaikan. Semoga tak rugi di dunia dan akhirat. Amiin. 

Writing here so that i know, and remember, that today is one of the many good sunday morning that i am grateful for. Alhamdulillah.

communication is key

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Currently 1 and half months working in new workplace, which is klinik kesihatan. 

Yesterday i went to talk with my ym (who one was not happy with me taking few annual leaves).

I explained to her, i never took any leave during my floating mo phase in previous workplace, i explained to her that i also didnt take any leave upon lapor diri (other people took few days off for adjustment after transfer), i explained to her that i have 40+ days of annual leaves to finish before my contract ends in February next year, i clearly told her that i took 5 days off during september, of which are not more than 3 consecutive days.

She told me she was also like me, rarely took leaves during housemanship, never took leaves during floating, and started to finish her annual leaves later when she came to klinik kesihatan. Sounds empathic right?

But no. I dont feel it. 

But, i know she care for my daily clinical exposure, and she advised me not to take 15 consecutive days of leave  (Hell, who did it? It wasnt me. Why are you targetting me? - these were my monologue) - she care about my critical allowance (the allowance yg dulu gomen nak tarik then kasi balik lepas our union minta revised). Thanks to covid pandemic making them realised how critical mo kontrak are.

Fyi, taking leaves for 15 days per months memang la tak dapat allowance.

Anyway, i'm satisfied i've told her everything i need to say. I've met the higher boss earlier, and she is just fine for me to take up to 6 days of leaves per month.

----

For my 5 days september leaves justifications, 

1 day - to go to main PKD office to settle my govuc email application (my kerani told me to go there by myself to fill the form, and i met my ppk there fetching surat and everything, so apa guna kerani and ppk tu when they can pass the form to me in the clinic?)

3 days - resting

1 day - my dermato appointment day

I write here because nobody cares about it and i have to explain to my own self that i am not the problematic fella who refuse to go to work and taking multiple leaves. 

Stay true to yourself farhana. U know what your are doing. Sometimes, i just dont need to explain to rest and to be happy. Just do it.

#sabarye

#semoga Allah buka jalan terbaik amiin