Thursday, November 30, 2017

Wintuuur tb

- bismillah -

It has been raining for almost 6 days (nearly a week) in perlis malaysia. Somehow, this season reminds me of my previous winter experience for the past 6 years in jordan. Well, it is quite hard to suddenly dissociate things and memories.

In winter time, apart from i got to feel the coldness of air, the mulut berasap experience, i too got to learnt few other things. One of such is about jamak solat if it rain (for those who regularly pray at the mosque, they can jamak 2 solat if it rains heavily - this is practiced in my previous place, irbid jordan). Then there is about wearing khuf, which is wearing thick socks and just pat the water for ablution instead of removing the socks and wet our whole feet in winter. It is quite an ease, especially when we are travelling during winter.

There was also about deciding which jacket to wear in the morning before going to the class, not to forget daily checking of weather forecast and at what time will it rain - i was too lazy so i always asked my friends who happened to know. Usually, in the beginning of season i would always silap jacket haha..too thin that it feels cold, and at the end of season sometimes wearing too thick that it feels hot and sweaty.


And of course, the awaited guest in winter is the snow!

But before snow showed up, we have to 'suffer' different kinds of 'hardships': stuffy nose, room is too cool to study, bed is too warm to not cuddle up in pijama the whole day, dry skin, chills of ablution 5 times a day...especially for the fajr prayer.

We also eat in bigger proportion in winter. It is for heat. Haha.

Indeed, change of seasons has taught me to be grateful and aware that Allah the Almighty is above those blessings.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Overnight changes

- bismillah -

When i left malaysia for my study in jordan 6 years ago, i have nothing in my mind to worry for, except that it maybe the last time for me to meet my family if anything bad happen.

Eventually, with the fear in mind, i fly back home to malaysia on every holiday. The shortest one was for 1 week duration, with 3 days for travelling. The longest time was for about 2 months (6-7 weeks), that was for my elective posting at the state hospital in my hometown.

In the early years, my parents would have send me at KLIA, most of the time driving there all the way from perlis (my sis lives in cheras). There was one time they accompanied me with return flight tickets from Alor Star to KLIA, on the same day. It was a memory worth to be treasured since that was the first time flying for my mother. I still remember how was her reaction then when taking off. And as the time went by, i went alone to KLIA, with my parents only sent me back to jordan at the alor star airport.

That were some stories about departures. How about arrivals? Well, there were more occasions that they fetched me at the alor star airport more than at klia. So, i can only walked fast and queued for the lift to level 5 at the klia arrival hall. Most of the time, i dared not to look at any one who was standing there at the arrival hall because i know nobody was waiting for me, at least there. However, upon arriving at the alor star airport, i was the first to leave the plane, and hurriedly went to the belt to fetch my luggages. And i would search for my beloved parents faces as they were waiting at the arrival hall. I remembered how once i hugged tight my mom who was standing there, in front of everyone there.

Well, the next time i went home, i found my mom sitting at the chair im the arrival hall. And the last time i went home for good after graduating, i got my mom and dad still able to fetch me at the airport, buy this only my dad coming out of the car. My mom, stays in her seat since it was difficult and painful for her to get out.


How are my parents sending me at departures, and them fetching me at the arrivals gradually changing?

It was due to my mother's health condition. She has OA on her hips bilaterally. Over the years, the OA progressing badly. They even couldnt attend my graduation ceremony in jordan eventhough that was what we had intended to since the beginning of my study.

With multifactorial reasons, me too didnt attend the ceremony. I left jordan for good after my final exams and getting the results clear.

I spent about 4 months at home with my parents. Despite the deteriorating pain, my mother works around the house everyday. Her ikigai (i think) is about setting the house at its best condition, in and out. So there was one day she could be found (asking me) vacuuming the floors, and maybe another day telling (me again) to rake up the dry leaves in the house compound. She had limping gait, but that never stopped her. On the day of her surgery, she even sawed small tree branches on her own. Well, her hands did most of the works since her hips OA had compromised her standing and walking functions.

After 4 months of so much things to do, so much places to clean, so frequent the dry leaves piling up, i was left to do everything alone.

My mother now is wheelchair-bound or needing the walking frame, at least for 3 months as the doctor advised before she can walk on her own. That is to stabilise and strengthen her new implant.

Can you imagine? I was used to do everything with my mom and dad, all the odd jobs in and around the house, from the morning till evening routines of cleaning and clearing the house, and now the routines have changed. In a drastic way.

Within a night, she can no longer go to the eneven ground she used to when imspecting the mango trees. To make it worse, nobody takes over her job of taking care the harumanis trees. While me and my dad only focused our attention of taking care my mom.

The first week after discharge from the hospital was tough. I dont want to remember details of that, but all of us fight our tears everyday. Only my mom broke down often almost every night, but me and my other family members hold it back on our own. Well, it is emotionally disturbing to have lost our ability to walk so sudden, right? Luckily this just for temporary 3 months. I want to fly with my mom and dad, again.. Amiin.

And now, everything runs smoothly alhamdulillah. Today has been day 20 post op. We need another 70 days to reach 3 months rehab time. My mother can independently take care of her own now, eventhough she may need help with moving around the house. I help with the laundry, cleaning jobs and some cooking. Most of the time, i struggle to make everything becomes a routine. Uhuhuhu. I was one spoilt child who woke up at noon and found my breakfast ready on the table before, now i have become a better housechild cum housekeeper. Hahahaha.

Anyway, alhamdulillah. I can sense that i had a more fulfilling life now compared to before. And i have managed to curb my online shopping habits, soften down the urge to travel, travel and travel. Hahaha. Because currently i have so much things to do around the house that i no longer need to go somewhere else hahaha.

Alhamdulillah, for this fulfilling life i have now.

I must remember, Allah is always with us. And all things in the dunya, the good or the bad, are all temporary.

Because only Allah is eternal.

So i must be grateful for every good moments, and be patient for every not-so-good moments.

That's it. Enough writing theraphy for today. Pray for my mom speedy recovery.


P/s have you imagine doing laundry in the morning everyday like a real perfect housewife? Hahahaha i havent before so i feel real purrrfect, even just doing laundry.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Rocks after rocks

- bismillah -

Dulu, semasa masih belajar, saya rasakan yg exam, nk grad, nk lulus, adalah perkara yg besar dan utama dlm hidup. Lepas satu, satu exam datang dan pergi. Selain tu, juggle juga dengan aktiviti persatuan dan kelas2 ilmu tambahan. Juga usrah. Masa tu, nk seimbangkan diri dan urus masa utk join semua2 tu, adalah perkara besar dan utama dlm hidup.

Ada lah sekali sekala apabila friendship dan relationship menjadi cabaran besar. Tapi alhamdulillah, most of that time, people around me were all kind and seldom gave me headache.

Suatu hari, kak A cakap, dlm hidup ni cabaran dan ujian takkan berhenti, akan dtg lepas satu, satu silih berganti. Kata beliau lagi, bagaikan sekarang kita sedang angkat sebuah batu besar. Apabila sudah berjaya mengangkatnya, kita rasa bangga dgn susah payah kita yg lepas, rupanya di depan kita sekarang ada lagi batu yg menunggu utk diangkat, malah lebih besar!

Lepas satu, satu.

Begitulah ceritanya lepas dah grad...

Siapa sangka, saya ada dua orang kawan yg diuji ahli keluarga mereka dengan kanser. Kedua2 mereka tak tahu satu sama lain, kedua2 mereka melalui ujian menerima berita dan menjaga ahli keluarga yg sakit. Semua ini berlaku elok elok lepas grad, lps dah balik duduk di rumah for good. Elok2 lps 'habis' masalah exam dan fikir nak lulus ke tak.

Both of them sekarang sudah dapat 'berdiri' dengan baik, ahli keluarga sudah berjaya lalui beberapa siri rawatan utk pesakit kanser. Awal2 dulu, mereka juga 'terduduk' sebentar, kerana ujian ini amat berat bagi bahu yg memikul...

Well, tanpa diduga, my parents fell sick too...even though gradually. They are aging so fast that i missed being a spoilt child who woke up at noon. Now, i cant do like that anymore. All of their daily chores are transfered to me (and my siblings) since both of them have health concern.

I never thought that taking care of my parents will be the next rock (read: challenge) i have to face.

Anyway, i thanked Allah for every moment i spent with them. Soon, we would all return to Allah.

May everything is accepted as good deeds, and my Allah grant His Mercy to my parents. Amiin.


- bismillah -

Hari ni mak jumpa dr low utk appointment kedua selepas bedah kaki (thr). Hari ni dr cabut buang semua stapler.

Bawa mak masuk treatment room, sementara tunggu dr habis jumpa patient lain di klinik. Baringkan mak atas katil daripada duduk atas kerusi roda.

"Encik, mcm mana nak angkat katil ni?" Tanya saya pada seorang MA dlm bilik rawatan tu.

Lepas mak dah settle baring, saya keluar tunggu kat kerusi luar dgn ayah.

Lepas beberapa minit, sempat la habiskan air kotak longan (salah beli, ingatkan laici huhuhu), doktor pun keluar dari klinik dia menuju ke treatment room. I smiled at him, and terus dr panggil "come, come, follow me" ikut dr masuk bilik tu. Sambil tu dr tanya2 khabar mak, how's she doing? I said, oh..she's doing good!

Sambil dr tgk site of incision sambil dr cakap it's good bla bla (sbb dry, no discharge, no bleeding). Alhamdulillah. Cakap2 pasal mak dgn dr, dan mak pun tanya2 pasal kaki dia dekat dr. Dah habis, dr pun sambung kerja di klinik dia.

Sambil nk turunkan mak dari katil, nurse dan ma dlm bilik tu tanya2.

Encik MA: kerja dah ke? Kerja mana?

Terkejut gak bila dapat soalan mcm tu tiba2, sembang basa basi keluar la jugak pasal grad mana, kos apa, bla bla. Huhu. I never tell anyone in the room i am a med graduate, but somehow they managed to korek rahsia.

"Bukan apa, cara dia cakap dengan dr tadi lain. Tak macam sebelum2 ni. Sbb tu kami tanya."


I dont say that it is a kind of charm, but, what ever charm we possessed pun, kita tak perlu canang kan atau bagitau orang, sbb kalau ada apa2 charm, orang akan tahu juga...

And train dlm minda, we dont need special treatment. We are not vip even in our own way. Just be you, and people will know you eventually.


P/s (Sbb nya awal tu fefeeling bajet la jugak kan dah pi hosp private haha, lps tu bila receptionist tu tuttt aka bagi layanan tak best, mula la nk down. Ingat2 balik buku mark manson, okay, i dont need special treatment from anybody pun. If i'm worth for people to get to know me, they will know me. Hewhewhew.)

P/s 2. Do u know charmender? Hahaha

Wednesday, November 1, 2017


Nanti adik pergi sapa nak jaga mak macam ni?

Alaa anak2 mak kan ramai...semua orang pakat jaga
Mak jangan anggap ni adik yg jaga mak, ni Allah yg jaga mak...melalui adik
Adik takdak pun takpa la...Allah ada.

I once asked my mom, when i get old later who will take care of me?

My mom said, your children lah kan

I asked her, what if i dont have one? What if i dont get married?

She keep silent for a while, then she said to me: then you got to have the money...

Why? I wondered

Because you need plenty of money to hire the nurse/maid, she completed her answer to my question.

Sesungguhnya, dunia ini sifatnya sementara, segalanya akan berakhir, dan akhirat sebagai tempat kembali yang abadi adalah satu perkara yg benar.

So why bother? Semoga panjang umur murah rezeki dan hidup dlm manfaat dan rahmat Tuhan.

Hello paeds!

- bismillah - Alhamdulillah. Currently i'm in my 5th posting. For whoever had wish me and pray for me since the start of my career jour...