Monday, June 19, 2017

Catatan ramadan 1438H #4

- bismillah -

So, right there in front of the kaabah i was standing as a poor girl. No phone, no money, nothing. I only had a bottle of zam2 water in my hand and a plastic bag containing my shoes. And my watch. My specs too. The rest, are my soul and body.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
For two hours.
The polices saw me crying,
The indons, the other pilgrims.
Luckily it was a normal reaction,
Thousands people have been crying in front of the kaabah.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
I cannot do the prayers,
I even hesitate to sit.
Because after tawaf wida3,
The last tawaf one should do before going home,
Nobody can do anything else,
But go home.
But there, i was standing poor in front of the kaabah.

My mind started to speak,
I remembered how Allah reminds us about how poor we are,
يا ايّها النّاس انتم الفقراء الى الله،
Yet, we have always think we have everything in this life.
No, we need Him for everything.

There, in front of the kaabah, i was standing poor.
My hips screaming in ache for standing.
Has it been an hour has passed?
It feels long, i mumbled.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
Thinking about borrowing money from any malaysian i see.
To take a taxi back to hotel.
I can do the bank transfer later.
I can do this and that,
Thinking and planning,
But i dont have the courage to ask one for some money.
Can you?

I was sitting - tired of standing - poor in front of the kaabah,
No money, nor have nothing.
Thinking that it's okay - i have water with me, i can survive for 3 days with water only,
When an indon lady came and greeted me,
Her finger pointing towards my bottle.
She had some of the water,
For wuduk.
I think i was poor, i then think i am rich.
Water is lessen then, i am poor.

I was sitting as a poor figure in front of the kaabah,
Witnessing the birds' silhouette against the dimly light sky.
Sunrise is already there,
But the sunshine has just started to hit the first corner of kaabah,
Reflecting the gold writings of arabic calligraphy.
Allah said,
ومن يعظّم شعاءر الله فإنّه من تقوى القلوب.
The kaabah is about 2-storey tall,
I can see lines of blocks underneath the kiswah.

I was sitting poor in front of kaabah,
Thinking about prophet Yunus,
When he was trapped,
In the darkness of a whale's gut.
لا الٰه الّا انت
سبحانك انّي كنت من الظالمين

I was sitting, thinking how to go to hotel with no money.
It has been late,
I need way out.
A promise has been breached, again, for the second time.
I was poor, i should never trust to His servant to the max.

I was sitting poor i front of the kaabah,
Waiting for somebody to fetch me.
Waiting and waiting.
Until i realised how poor i am to even be fetched.
I forget i was a poor young lady, not the rich awaited princess.

I was sitting poor in front of the kaabah,
Thinking about ways out.
ومن يتّق الله يجعل له مخرجا
فقلو استغفروا انّه كان غفّارا
استغفر الله
استغفر الله
استغفر الله

I was poor to trust His servant when i have Him above all,
I was poor to wait for any of His servants,
I was poor for thinking on my own,
I was poor of my body and soul,
Physically and mentally, i was insufficient.
I sat there, crying, waiting, thinking.
My back aching hard.

I was there, now standing, started to take walk to hotel shuttle busses.
I was poor, to remember only about promise that became lie,
"We would get to hotel together, i have no money with me",
That i forget about this free shuttle bus.
It took another millions steepy steps,
I passed to the opposite side of the kaabah,
Door side to the golden shower,
Taking steps towards my usual iktikaf place,
Mesmerising my favorite place.
There were still same people lying under the hiroms,
Just that no more poor little girl who joins them or sometimes sitting alone in the middle reciting quran.
I passed through the steepy hill,
Under 30-something degree of morning 8 am sun.
Found the bus, only the drive was inside.
I pray i wont be alone.
And later a family came in.

This is how i bade goodbye to the al-haram.

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