Saturday, May 6, 2017

a healthy mind

- bismillah -

alhamdulillah. it has been quite sometime when i purposely write as a form of theraphy.

currently, i have finished 1 paper out of 4 subjects for final exam.
alhamdulillah. Allah has taught me a lot. He even allowed me have tahajud on my exam day, of which to be honest, was so hard to perform since i arrived here after one and half months in malaysia. here, the fajr prayer is at 4am, which mean, you have to wake up before that to perform tahajud. but in malaysia, the fajr prayer is a bit late, and anybody who wake up at 5.30am can still perform tahajud, sometimes when the subuh is at 6am. (so what are your excuses malaysiaaaans?) hehe.

the hardest part or challenge i faced was taking the first step to revise. starting has never been easy. but once you have started, things will come into place. all you have to do is to start.

next, i had continuous runny nose. exam-induced cold. hehe. but its okay, i got plenty of time and ways to boost my immune response. one of the way is plenty of sleep. i dont know whether it was a blessing or not to sleep a lot during exam period.

astaghfirullah.

i am currently trying to set a positive mind. to look in good things over what had happened.

i also face another challenge of addiction. i wont share it here, but, it was hard to resist. addiction is not something you can ignore. you have to fight it.
let me list (copied from web) facts about addiction:

With a habit you are in control of your choices, with an addiction you are not in control of your choices.
  • Addiction - there is a psychological/physical component; the person is unable to control the aspects of the addiction without help because of the mental or physical conditions involved.
  • Habit - it is done by choice. The person with the habit can choose to stop, and will subsequently stop successfully if they want to. The psychological/physical component is not an issue as it is with an addiction.
 some more facts,
Signs and symptoms of substance addiction may include:
  • The person takes the substance and cannot stop - in many cases, such as nicotine, alcohol or drug dependence, at least one serious attempt was made to give up, but unsuccessfully.
  • Withdrawal symptoms - when body levels of that substance go below a certain level the patient has physical and mood-related symptoms. There are cravings, bouts of moodiness, bad temper, poor focus, a feeling of being depressed and empty, frustration, anger, bitterness and resentment.
  • There may suddenly be increased appetite. Insomnia is a common symptom of withdrawal. In some cases the individual may have constipation or diarrhea. With some substances, withdrawal can trigger violence, trembling, seizures, hallucinations, and sweats.
  • Addiction continues despite health problem awareness - the individual continues taking the substance regularly, even though they have developed illnesses linked to it. For example, a smoker may continue smoking even after a lung or heart condition develops.
  • Social and/or recreational sacrifices - some activities are given up because of an addiction to something. For example, an alcoholic may turn down an invitation to go camping or spend a day out on a boat if no alcohol is available, a smoker may decide not to meet up with friends in a smoke-free pub or restaurant.
  • Maintaining a good supply - people who are addicted to a substance will always make sure they have a good supply of it, even if they do not have much money. Sacrifices may be made in the house budget to make sure the substance is as plentiful as possible.
  • Taking risks (1) - in some cases the addicted individual make take risks to make sure he/she can obtain his/her substance, such as stealing or trading sex for money/drugs.
  • Taking risks (2) - while under the influence of some substances the addict may engage in risky activities, such as driving fast.
  • Dealing with problems - an addicted person commonly feels they need their drug to deal with their problems.
  • Obsession - an addicted person may spend more and more time and energy focusing on ways of getting hold of their substance, and in some cases how to use it.
  • Secrecy and solitude - in many cases the addict may take their substance alone, and even in secret.
  • Denial - a significant number of people who are addicted to a substance are in denial. They are not aware (or refuse to acknowledge) that they have a problem.
  • Excess consumption - in some addictions, such as alcohol, some drugs and even nicotine, the individual consumes it to excess. The consequence can be blackouts (cannot remember chunks of time) or physical symptoms, such as a sore throat and bad persistent cough (heavy smokers).
  • Dropping hobbies and activities - as the addiction progresses the individual may stop doing things he/she used to enjoy a lot. This may even be the case with smokers who find they cannot physically cope with taking part in their favorite sport.
  • Having stashes - the addicted individual may have small stocks of their substance hidden away in different parts of the house or car; often in unlikely places.
  • Taking an initial large dose - this is common with alcoholism. The individual may gulp drinks down in order to get drunk and then feel good.
  • Having problems with the law - this is more a characteristic of some drug and alcohol addictions (not nicotine, for example). This may be either because the substance impairs judgment and the individual takes risks they would not take if they were sober, or in order to get hold of the substance they break the law.
  • Financial difficulties - if the substance is expensive the addicted individual may sacrifice a lot to make sure its supply is secured. Even cigarettes, which in some countries, such as the UK, parts of Europe and the USA cost over $11 dollars for a packet of twenty - a 40-a-day smoker in such an area will need to put aside $660 per month, nearly $8,000 per year.
  • Relationship problems - these are more common in drug/alcohol addiction.
All the above info is from this website link. eventhough it is more about substance abuse/addiction, you can apply the criteria to behavourial addiction too.
dont get me wrong, i am not even addicted to any kind of substance. not even coffee.

well, enough talking about facts.

so, what did i do to overcome all those challenges?

i did almost everything a sensible mind would do, and some of the things that only insensible minds would also do.

but nothing works. at the end of the day, i feel lost. i lose because i cant study/revise as much as i should have do to prepare for the exam.

that kind of lost, makes me feel like im dying inside.
i keep doing what shouldn't i do, feel guilty, but continue doing it.

days pass and reading materials accumulated. piling high.

...

eventually, i found a source of light.
the only cure is TO CONSTANTLY PRAY. pray for a fresh healthy heart. pray for a strong mind to beat addiction. pray for a positive outlook.

and eventually, the harden heart will get soften. you would start to obey what quran tell you to do. trust me, when our heart is harden, we will read the quran and its meaning, yet nothing happened afterwards. quran says, dont get involved in lagha, but the stone heart will read it, nod, and watch movies after finish reading the quran. ironic.

that is why, during hardship, you can ask for advices, you can read tips, etc etc etc, but a harden heart will ignore them all.

it was hard to live a harden soul. harden by the passing time and daily routines. when was the last time you attend a tazkirah? when was the last time you open a hadis book and learn from it? when was the last time you cry upon hearing a quranic verse?

as this post is my writing theraphy, you = i'm asking my own self.

this is hard to continue.

but i shall finished it.

the below one is the most important one. this is the core. this is the real advice. this is what makes it work for me to beat the challenge.

The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, their hearts become fearful, and when His verses are recited to them, it increases them in faith; and upon their Lord they rely -

The ones who establish prayer, and from what We have provided them, they spend.
Those are the believers, truly. For them are degrees [of high position] with their Lord and forgiveness and noble provision.

the moment we think we have done everything to fix our problem, but it remain unsolved, think whether have you ask Allah for the solution or not? or you have been seeking way out on your own only? remember, we need Him in every ups and downs.

[Remember] when you asked help of your Lord, and He answered you, "Indeed, I will reinforce you with a thousand from the angels, following one another."

And Allah made it not but good tidings and so that your hearts would be assured thereby. And victory is not but from Allah . Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
 dont run away from our responsibility. all those jobs and responsibilities that we find very hard to do, in my case revising all the notes for exams, are actually what Allah and His messenger want us to do (to strive for purposeful actions that benefit us).

O you who have believed, respond to Allah and to the Messenger when he calls you to that which gives you life. And know that Allah intervenes between a man and his heart and that to Him you will be gathered.

and the most strongest advice to keep us studying/working/striving 'hard' works is,

O you who have believed, do not betray Allah and the Messenger or betray your trusts while you know [the consequence].
And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.
so, the answer to all my 'mental' issue during final exam is this...


O you who have believed, if you fear Allah, He will grant you a criterion and will remove from you your misdeeds and forgive you. And Allah is the possessor of great bounty.

verses from surah al-anfal. quran. chapter 8. 
to develop taqwa. so that i will not be doing what an insensible mind would do. so that i would be doing fine being sensible and God-conscious.

to beat procastinations. to beat the heavy headache and runny nose. to beat distractions and endless thoughts and dreams. to beat social media. to beat wasting time.

taqwa. develop it. 

pray that Allah has never left us alone to sail through the waves in the sea of life.

amiin. good luck farhana on beating your own weakness!
good luck to become a successful person with a growth-mindset.
good luck untuk menjadi hamba Allah yang tak pernah ditinggalkan, tanpa perhatian-Nya.

that's it.
[ ;

alhamdulillah. 
astaghfirullah.

ps. one of ways to ventilate and for a healthy mind is to do something beneficial and purposeful for others (read more from this link). i hope my writing can help some of us who got jiwa kacau / disturbed mind, too, because this is originally written for my own reference. tq.

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