alhamdulillah. it has been quite sometime when i purposely write as a form of theraphy.
currently, i have finished 1 paper out of 4 subjects for final exam.
alhamdulillah. Allah has taught me a lot. He even allowed me have tahajud on my exam day, of which to be honest, was so hard to perform since i arrived here after one and half months in malaysia. here, the fajr prayer is at 4am, which mean, you have to wake up before that to perform tahajud. but in malaysia, the fajr prayer is a bit late, and anybody who wake up at 5.30am can still perform tahajud, sometimes when the subuh is at 6am. (so what are your excuses malaysiaaaans?) hehe.
the hardest part or challenge i faced was taking the first step to revise. starting has never been easy. but once you have started, things will come into place. all you have to do is to start.
next, i had continuous runny nose. exam-induced cold. hehe. but its okay, i got plenty of time and ways to boost my immune response. one of the way is plenty of sleep. i dont know whether it was a blessing or not to sleep a lot during exam period.
i am currently trying to set a positive mind. to look in good things over what had happened.
i also face another challenge of addiction. i wont share it here, but, it was hard to resist. addiction is not something you can ignore. you have to fight it.
let me list (copied from web) facts about addiction:
some more facts,
All the above info is from this website link. eventhough it is more about substance abuse/addiction, you can apply the criteria to behavourial addiction too.
dont get me wrong, i am not even addicted to any kind of substance. not even coffee.
well, enough talking about facts.
so, what did i do to overcome all those challenges?
i did almost everything a sensible mind would do, and some of the things that only insensible minds would also do.
but nothing works. at the end of the day, i feel lost. i lose because i cant study/revise as much as i should have do to prepare for the exam.
that kind of lost, makes me feel like im dying inside.
i keep doing what shouldn't i do, feel guilty, but continue doing it.
days pass and reading materials accumulated. piling high.
eventually, i found a source of light.
the only cure is TO CONSTANTLY PRAY. pray for a fresh healthy heart. pray for a strong mind to beat addiction. pray for a positive outlook.
and eventually, the harden heart will get soften. you would start to obey what quran tell you to do. trust me, when our heart is harden, we will read the quran and its meaning, yet nothing happened afterwards. quran says, dont get involved in lagha, but the stone heart will read it, nod, and watch movies after finish reading the quran. ironic.
that is why, during hardship, you can ask for advices, you can read tips, etc etc etc, but a harden heart will ignore them all.
it was hard to live a harden soul. harden by the passing time and daily routines. when was the last time you attend a tazkirah? when was the last time you open a hadis book and learn from it? when was the last time you cry upon hearing a quranic verse?
as this post is my writing theraphy, you = i'm asking my own self.
this is hard to continue.
but i shall finished it.
the below one is the most important one. this is the core. this is the real advice. this is what makes it work for me to beat the challenge.
The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, their hearts become fearful, and when His verses are recited to them, it increases them in faith; and upon their Lord they rely -
The ones who establish prayer, and from what We have provided them, they spend.
Those are the believers, truly. For them are degrees [of high position] with their Lord and forgiveness and noble provision.
the moment we think we have done everything to fix our problem, but it remain unsolved, think whether have you ask Allah for the solution or not? or you have been seeking way out on your own only? remember, we need Him in every ups and downs.
[Remember] when you asked help of your Lord, and He answered you, "Indeed, I will reinforce you with a thousand from the angels, following one another."
And Allah made it not but good tidings and so that your hearts would be assured thereby. And victory is not but from Allah . Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.dont run away from our responsibility. all those jobs and responsibilities that we find very hard to do, in my case revising all the notes for exams, are actually what Allah and His messenger want us to do (to strive for purposeful actions that benefit us).
and the most strongest advice to keep us studying/working/striving 'hard' works is,
O you who have believed, respond to Allah and to the Messenger when he calls you to that which gives you life. And know that Allah intervenes between a man and his heart and that to Him you will be gathered.
O you who have believed, do not betray Allah and the Messenger or betray your trusts while you know [the consequence].
And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.so, the answer to all my 'mental' issue during final exam is this...
O you who have believed, if you fear Allah, He will grant you a criterion and will remove from you your misdeeds and forgive you. And Allah is the possessor of great bounty.
verses from surah al-anfal. quran. chapter 8.