Monday, June 19, 2017

Catatan ramadan 1438H #4

- bismillah -

So, right there in front of the kaabah i was standing as a poor girl. No phone, no money, nothing. I only had a bottle of zam2 water in my hand and a plastic bag containing my shoes. And my watch. My specs too. The rest, are my soul and body.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
For two hours.
The polices saw me crying,
The indons, the other pilgrims.
Luckily it was a normal reaction,
Thousands people have been crying in front of the kaabah.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
I cannot do the prayers,
I even hesitate to sit.
Because after tawaf wida3,
The last tawaf one should do before going home,
Nobody can do anything else,
But go home.
But there, i was standing poor in front of the kaabah.

My mind started to speak,
I remembered how Allah reminds us about how poor we are,
يا ايّها النّاس انتم الفقراء الى الله،
Yet, we have always think we have everything in this life.
No, we need Him for everything.

There, in front of the kaabah, i was standing poor.
My hips screaming in ache for standing.
Has it been an hour has passed?
It feels long, i mumbled.

I was standing poor in front of the kaabah,
Thinking about borrowing money from any malaysian i see.
To take a taxi back to hotel.
I can do the bank transfer later.
I can do this and that,
Thinking and planning,
But i dont have the courage to ask one for some money.
Can you?

I was sitting - tired of standing - poor in front of the kaabah,
No money, nor have nothing.
Thinking that it's okay - i have water with me, i can survive for 3 days with water only,
When an indon lady came and greeted me,
Her finger pointing towards my bottle.
She had some of the water,
For wuduk.
I think i was poor, i then think i am rich.
Water is lessen then, i am poor.

I was sitting as a poor figure in front of the kaabah,
Witnessing the birds' silhouette against the dimly light sky.
Sunrise is already there,
But the sunshine has just started to hit the first corner of kaabah,
Reflecting the gold writings of arabic calligraphy.
Allah said,
ومن يعظّم شعاءر الله فإنّه من تقوى القلوب.
The kaabah is about 2-storey tall,
I can see lines of blocks underneath the kiswah.

I was sitting poor in front of kaabah,
Thinking about prophet Yunus,
When he was trapped,
In the darkness of a whale's gut.
لا الٰه الّا انت
سبحانك انّي كنت من الظالمين

I was sitting, thinking how to go to hotel with no money.
It has been late,
I need way out.
A promise has been breached, again, for the second time.
I was poor, i should never trust to His servant to the max.

I was sitting poor i front of the kaabah,
Waiting for somebody to fetch me.
Waiting and waiting.
Until i realised how poor i am to even be fetched.
I forget i was a poor young lady, not the rich awaited princess.

I was sitting poor in front of the kaabah,
Thinking about ways out.
ومن يتّق الله يجعل له مخرجا
فقلو استغفروا انّه كان غفّارا
استغفر الله
استغفر الله
استغفر الله

I was poor to trust His servant when i have Him above all,
I was poor to wait for any of His servants,
I was poor for thinking on my own,
I was poor of my body and soul,
Physically and mentally, i was insufficient.
I sat there, crying, waiting, thinking.
My back aching hard.

I was there, now standing, started to take walk to hotel shuttle busses.
I was poor, to remember only about promise that became lie,
"We would get to hotel together, i have no money with me",
That i forget about this free shuttle bus.
It took another millions steepy steps,
I passed to the opposite side of the kaabah,
Door side to the golden shower,
Taking steps towards my usual iktikaf place,
Mesmerising my favorite place.
There were still same people lying under the hiroms,
Just that no more poor little girl who joins them or sometimes sitting alone in the middle reciting quran.
I passed through the steepy hill,
Under 30-something degree of morning 8 am sun.
Found the bus, only the drive was inside.
I pray i wont be alone.
And later a family came in.

This is how i bade goodbye to the al-haram.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Catatan Ramadan 1438H #3

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Saya sudah kembali ke Malaysia. Bukan sebagai pelajar yg pulang bercuti, tapi pulang sebagai graduan perubatan. Alhamdulillah.

Hari2 akhir di Jordan, saya akui bahawa setiap kenangan adalah meruntun hati. Tapi Allah bantu wrap it all within a short time.

Lepas final exam, kemas2 rumah dan jual perabot.
Kemudian 10 hari ke saudi arabia. :)
Dan berbaki 4 hari akhir sebelum pulang ke malaysia.

Dlm masa 4 hari akhir,
Allah izin pergi JUST buat kali terakhir...

Bermula dengan naik koster dari zam2 ke syimali, naik sarfis, naik bas biru...

Penuh kenangan...
Kenangan terakhir...

Kemudian memori berjalan dari Gate besar hingga ke round about dan ke shuun tolabah / library.
Utk pulangkan jubah grad.
Masuk ke dewan tu, ada 3 pegawai. Sunyi sebab tak ada students lain waktu itu.
Saya dekati pegawai yg paling dekat dengan pintu, berurusan dengan beliau. Sambil itu, dewan yg saya sangkakan sunyi sepi itu, rupanya terhias dengan alunan Quran daripada rakan sekerja pakcik itu. Waktu itu, pkul 1-2 pm kot entah saya tak ingat. waktu bekerja pada bulan ramadan ialah 10am-3pm saja.

Indah. Biah islamiah dan solehah yg terpatri dalam kenangan saya pada warga JUST.

Kemudian berjalan menelusuri (cewah) jalan rumput hijau melalui heli deck.
Summer.
Bunga berkembang.
Rumput hijau tebal.
Air sprinkler berpusing2 dari jauh.
Pokok pagar / hedge yg kemas.
I even took a video (instastory - tp lupa save hurm) dan pusing2 around.
These walking paths selalu jadi saksi saya balik petang2 jalan ke stesen bas.

I miss JUST.

Tak tidur sepanjang perjalanan balik sebab tgk pemandangan. Kambing biri2 tgh panas. Keldai. Rumput kuning. Pengembala yang melontar sesuatu di kejauhan. Khemah2 nomad badawi...

And hari berikutnya jalan ke hijazi, kawasan penempatan pelajar melayu. Mana nak cari jalan yg apabila bertembung, lelaki baik akan memberi kita laluan terlebih dahulu, atau berjalan selaju mungkin supaya tidak membontoti perempuan, akan menjauhkan tangan apabila berselisish, malah akan berhenti kadangnya.
(Disclaimer: lelaki baik saja. Lelaki jahat takda dlm tulisan ini, tak ada space utk menulis cerita mereka hurm)

Environment islam itu ada...masih terpelihara. Saya tak tahu bagaimana jordan selepas tahun2 berikutnya nanti...selepas terdedah kpd westernisasi atau asimilasi budaya barat...

Duwar jamiah yang tertulis ayat Quran, doa nabi ibrahim yg bermaksud,
Semoga Allah menjadikan negara ini aman...
Aku mengaminkan, sambil menahan sebak.
Doaku yg terakhir di bumi syams ini.

Dan hingga sampai ke rumah, setiap derapan kaki aku hayati...
Tapak2 terakhir di bumi syams...
Tanah para nabi dan sahabat2...

Hari berikutnya Allah izin berbuka puasa dengan adik beradik sejemaah. Hanya Allah yang tahu galau nya hati ini. Rawan. Gembira. Sedih. Mixed feeling. Makan sama2, makan sedap juadah masakan mereka sendiri, atas saprah plastik, habiskan setiap nasi selagi ada...berbual dan bertegur sala dengan adik2 bermata kaca, bertemu muka dengan mereka yang ikhlas menerimaku seadanya...yg sudi mendengar dan mendengarkan aku nasihat...
Ikatan yg berpaksi syurga in shaa Allah...
Sayang yg tak dapat dibendung,
Sayang pada mereka yg sampai aku mendoakan mereka mendapat pasangan soleh solehah kelak, kerana peranan mereka sangat diperlukan dlm islam sehingga moga2 tidak diuji dengan ujian rumah tangga..

Sayang pada semua hinggakan bahagia satu pihak ialah bahagia bersama...

ربّنا اغفر لنا ذنوبنا ولاخواننا الّذين سبقونا بالايمان
ولا تجعل في قلوبنا غلّا للّذين ءامنوا

Dan pada hari terakhirnya,
Van sewa khas ke airport melalui jalan short cut. Melalui eidun melepasi duwar nasim, lalu passing through hospital askari eidun...hospital prince rashed. Hospital yg byk kenangan best. Dan jalan selepas tu yg merupakan jalan favorite saya, jalan tanah luas dan lapang, masuk kampung2 (balik utk tembus JUST), dan pakcik guna jalan sama utk lalu tembus lebuh raya yg lepas drpd JUST.

Jau latifff sangat hari tu...

Allah izin sempat down memory lane pada tempat2 penting.

Semoga segalanya berkat.

Thank you Allah for the best memory.
Thank you for the past 6 years, izinkan aku hidup dan bernafas di bumi syams.
Bumi malaikat menebarkan sayapnya.

Bumi barakah 4 musim, yg penuh tanda kekuasaan Tuhan, bumi yg bagi chance aku reflect banyak benda. Bumi yg sangat penuh cinta dan kasih sayang dari Mu.
Bumi aku lebih menghayati Quran. Bumi aku kenal qiyam shahr ramadan. Bumi ukhwah. Bumi doa. Bumi kebaikan...

Semoga diizinkan keberkatan atas segala sesuatu yg berlaku.
Semoga Allah terima segalanya.
Semoga 6 tahun bukanlah tempoh sia-sia.
Semoga 6 tahun masa mudaku di bumi syams diberkati, moga Allah izin jadi skrip jawapan utk soalan pada masa mudaku utk apa aku gunakan...

Sebagaimana 5 soalan wajib di hadapan Tuhan kelak...

T_T

Semoga aku ikhlas.
Semoga catatan takdir kebaikan sentiasa mengiringi.

Tuhan, masukkan aku ke tempat terbaik, dan keluarkan aku dari tempat terbaik. Kurniakan aku pertolongan utk setiap situasi. Masukkan aku dlm situasi yg terbaik utk imanku.
Turunkan aku di tempat terbaik, Engkaulah sebaik2 yg berkuasa menurunkan.

Amiin.

<3

Catatan Ramadan 1438H #2

- bismillah -

Percayalah, pada setiap amalan, pastinya ada balasan, dan balasan daripada Tuhan adalah lebih baik daripada apa yang kita usahakan.

Seorang kakak usrah grad tahun lepas, Allah izin saya buat suatu hadiah utk beliau... DIY... walaupun serba kekurangan. Tapi saya memberikan sepenuh hati saya. Dengan izin Allah.

Siapa sangka, tahun berikutnya ketika saya pula grad, Allah berikan hadiah yang sama, hadiah yg mencerminkan keinginan hati saya, tapi adalah lebih baik daripada rupa DIY saya buat dulu...

Semoga diberkati.
Semoga bertambah kesyukuran.
Semoga amalan diterima Allah.

Allah maha berkuasa.
Allah maha penyayang.

Pengajarannya,
Buatlah amalan / pekerjaan sepenuh hatimu, penuh cinta sepertimana atau lebih daripada cinta kepada diri sendiri,
Dan harapkan balasan daripada Allah.
Dan sesungguhnya, redeem our rewards dekat akhirat adalah lebih mengujakan!

Wise spending?

- bismillah -

Some of good conversations that happened during my flight back home of which i want to capture...

I sat beside a philliphine lady. She was very warm and nice. (Just now i remembered i havent eat the muffin she kept for me while i went to the toilet when the crews were busy distributing them).

"How often do you travel home while studying?" She asked.

I answered that, i go home almost each semester break, so about 9 times for the whole 6 years.

"Does your scholarship sponsored your tickets?"

I smiled. No of course not and i said to her that i get my tickets from my own savings. The scholarship does not have special allocation for personal travel.

"So, you are rich? Because you can travel a lot while studying?"

I laughed upon hearing this. No, i'm not rich, i just spend on other things less, but spend more on travel, i told her.

She smiled and said that i made a wise spending to spend more on travel.

*kembang kejap*

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Kawen

- bismillah -

Semalam saya mimpi. Huhuhuhu. Saya mimpi saya mengelat nak kahwin, lps tu kena marah sebab tak nak buka hati. Rasa macam threaten lepas ni dah tak ada chance dah. Scary jugaklah mimpi tu.

Ni sebabnya sblum tidur ada baca status fb seorang wanita yg diceraikan. Huhu. Sampai bawa masuk dalam mimpi.

Dulu waktu belajar, saya kata nk fikir pasal kahwin lepas habis belajar.

Tapi kenapa seru nk usaha tu tak sampai pun haha.

Saya bersyukur kenal kawan2 lelaki yg baik. Boleh minta tolong, boleh menolong. Tapi nk jadi pasangan hidup, tak jumpa lagi... atau dah jumpa tapi urm, bukan jodoh saya.

Saya tak nak orang yang ada list calon, kalau yg atas tolak, ada lagi calon yang boleh ditanya di bawah nama2 itu.

Saya, masih buntu dan keliru.

Sebab saya masih mencari apa yg saya mahu dalam hidup ini.

Mungkin saya memilih, tapi bukankah semua orang bermula dengan memilih?

Cuma saya mendoakan moga yang datang adalah pada masanya... Bukan waktu saya serabut dengan akademik/kerja, hinggakan saya terus melulu dalam tindakan.

Personaliti saya adalah perfect melancholy, yg sifat mereka suka bertangguh hingga dapat melakukan yg terbaik. Kalau buat sesuatu, buat betul2, sampaikan kalau fikir, akan mudah overthinking. Dan, orang berpersonaliti seperti ini, paling susah nak buat keputusan.

Jika ada dua baju yang saya berkenan, saya susah nak pilih salah satu, jadi akhirnya saya beli dua2. Atau, saya tinggalkan dua2.

Tapi saya tak nak lah sifat ini mengganggu urusan jodoh saya.

What i believe now, Allah dah tulis siapa, and i pray for the best way.

Kita akan bertemu, dan kita akan berpisah. Saya mendoakan perpisahan kita adalah kematian, bukan penceraian. Dan bertemu semula di syurga. Jika penceraian tertulis, maka moga di syurga kita tak saling bermusuhan.

I just want good things. Bertemu cara baik, berpisah cara baik.

Sungguh, saya tak sempurna. Tapi saya tak berputus asa utk kesempurnaan urusan yang dibawah aturan Tuhan.

Monday, June 12, 2017

bumi cinta yang dirindui


- bismillah -

dulu, saya pernah tulis ini... Catatan dari Makkah (tapi saya lupa plak sapakah kawan tu huhuh)

dan alhamdulillah, Allah hadiahkan kepada saya 12 hari berharga sepanjang ramadan 1438H ini, untuk pergi dan balik dari Tanah Haram.

Allah maha mengetahui.

saya cuba meminimumkan lompong2 yang akan meniriskan pahala keluar akibat daripada riak/ujub/media sosial.

tapi saya takkan pernah berhenti membuat catatan. bezanya, kali ini, catatan lebih bersifat peribadi. journal menggantikan handphone.

alhamdulillah.
alhamdulillah.
alhamdulillah.

for everything.

sedikit aku melangkah, berlari Dia mendekat.

Allah maha agung. Allah maha suci.

aku mencintai Tuhanku.

aku minta kepada-Nya ending terbaik, dan begitulah terwujudnya kisahku pada hari akhir...
sesiapa yang membenarkan al-Quran, maka dia akan bertabaiyanu.

aku akan terus jatuh cinta pada segenap kebaikan.
semoga Tuhan ampunkan aku atas cinta-cinta ini.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Maximalist

- bismillah -

Hari ni jual semua perabot bilik tidur. Tinggal tilam dan bantal saja.

Rasa macam setinggan. Huhu.

Begitulah kitaran kehidupan. Kejap di atas, kejap di bawah.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Graduation story - Part 2

- bismillah -

For the whole few weeks before the first day of my final exam, i kept thinking, can i make it or not? Will i be graduating? What if things go wrong?

To be honest, there were two scenes played in my head, one is how to react, what status to post on fb etc if i cant make it. The other scene is vice versa.

Sampaikan, tahap fikir, isk, kalau aku tak lepas exam ni mungkin jadi macam cerita zaid akhtar, cerita kulit turqoise tu yg heroin nya tak lepas exam - without reason - rupanya ada banyak hikmah lain, one of them meeting her jodoh dekat mesir. Hehe. Waktu exam memang la fikiran menerawang sket.

Anyway, dengan izin Allah, Allah izin lepas exam. Alhamdulillah.

Ada kenangan study sambil tonyoh mata dan spec sebab hujannnn air mata. Macam2 la. Banyakkkk sangat dugaan dan distractions datang.

Tapi Allah masih pilih saya. Dicampakkan rasa takut dan risau dalam hati saya supaya saya tak over confident. Hehe.

Tapi benar, MBBS ini bukti bahawa 'aku tak mampu mendatangkan manfaat atau mudarat kepada diriku atau orang lain, melainkan hanya Allah yg berkuasa memberi kebaikan atau keburukan.'

Carry mark dah 'power' hehe, tapi with twist of fate, markah final semput juga. Anyways, semua tu Allah dah tulis awal2. Our job is to pray and study.

My MBBS journey, is solely His merciful blslessing. Semoga diberkati. Amiin.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Alhamdulillah. Graduated. Part 1

- bismillah -

🎓🎓🎓
Alhamdulillah
Allah izin lulus peperiksaan akhir MBBS pada 24/5/2017.
Perjalanan 6 tahun yg bermula pada September 2011.

Alhamdulillah.

MBBS ialah amanah baru. If ada orang collapsed, kena usaha selamatkan. A-B-C. Abc is easy, but ABC surely need practices, experience and skills, before ABC could be as easy as abc. So, take your everyday job as your toddler* steps towards good competent doctor.

*Since MBBS was a baby step...

Mana ada orang grad, dapat kerja terus terer.

Saya ada masa (mungkin) 6 bulan sebelum mula kerja, ataupun setahun, atau lebih. Senoga diberkati segala ilmu dan tak lupa.

Alhamdulillah.

Hari last exam tu, saya antara orang yang dapat giliran pertama. Jadi bila saya dah habis oral, masa turun lift rasa sangat happy! Happy sbb doa nak doctor terbaik dan doa moga saya tak sedih masa lepas jawab, doa moga semua soalan doktor saya dapat jawab...Allah makbulkan. Hari sebelum tu, saya keluar bilik exam sambil tahan nangis. Urmm. 

Tapi alhamdulillah hari last tu happy!
Allah izin doa dimakbulkan.

Sampai kubah (lobi hospital), ramai orang sudah berkumpul. Allah Allah... Akhirnya sampai juga aku kepada hari ini. Hari akhir... Hari last.
Selang beberapa minit, kawan2 batch dah berpesta. Dabkeh namanya. Tepuk2 tangan dan gendang2 sket. Menari2 dlm bulatan (wonder mungkinkah ini budaya tinggalan masyarakat rom waktu menjajah ke sini dulu hehe). Semua bagai merayakan hari kemenangan!
Saya berdiri di tingkat 1 lobi sambil ambik video. Hehe perempuan tak join ye menari2 tu.

At the end, diorang lambung2 kawan2 mereka.
Hanya kawan yang betul2 kawan ja akan mampu sambut sebab lambung memang berpusing tinggi..tawakkal ja lah kot orang yg dilambung tu.

My own kenangan di surau paediatrics...
Hanya Allah yang tahu. First time, i feel that i was extremely happy and thankful that He made me reach the end with happy heart. Alhamdulillah. Allah bagi apa saja kepada siapa yang Dia kehendaki.

Semoga di akhirat nanti Allah izin menjadi orang yg extremely happy sebab berjumpa dengan Allah. Orang yang datang dengan hati salim.

Sebab saya tak suka perasaan galau lepas keluar bilik exam sebab soalan tak tahu jawab.

Sebenarnya waktu exam last tu pun ada soalan tak reti jawab. Tapi ajaibnya kuasa Tuhan, kuasa doa, maka Allah titipkan rasa lapang hati. Malah doktor siap ajar sikit sebab apa begitu begini bila dah tak leh jawab. Hehe. Terima kasih dr dari JU dan doc AD. You are the answers for my prayers.

Beautiful memories carved at the end of my MBBS journey. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Semoga, pengakhiran kehidupan ini adalah kebaikan juga.
Amiin.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Last day MBBS

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah.

Tadi viva internal medicine. Allah izin tajuk yang boleh tackle, walaupun saya lah paling diam waktu study group, paling clueless, paling rasa tak cukup pun preparation. Alhamdulillah, Allah izin doktor yg paling lembut, dr yg latifff, dr yg ajar pasal fiqh masa saya tahun 4, dr yg involve dlm persatuan doktor2 islam...dr Ammar D. May Allah bless him.

Pls close the door..Allah yardho annik.

Aku aminkan kata2 guruku ini.

Allah Allah...

Hanya redhaMu aku tagihkan...

Semoga beroleh result terbaik, yg Allah redha dan berkat.

Bismillah. Tawakkal ala Allah.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Viva paed

- bismillah -

رب احكم بالحق وربّنا الرّحمان المستعان على ما تصفون

إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَرِيقٌ مِّنْ عِبَادِي يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا آمَنَّا فَاغْفِرْ لَنَا وَارْحَمْنَا وَأَنتَ خَيْرُ الرَّاحِمِينَ

Semoga Allah ampunkan saya. Tak tahu mcm mana nk transfuse blood.

Sebenarnya, 5 ml / kg / h. Sila study guidelines sebelum benar2 grad. Amanah ilmu.

Alhamdulillah, Allah izin soalan ini tadi. Or else, i will make my paed patients overload.

Astaghfirullah.
Semoga ada hikmah di sebalik perkara ini.
Semoga terbuka lebih banyak pintu2 hikmah.

Semoga dr tak kecewa, semoga dapat menjadi anak murid dr yg memberi saham kepadanya hingga akhirat. Amiin.

Monday, May 22, 2017

2nd Viva

- bismillah -

It has been 2 days since the start of my final viva. Surgery, and O&G. Coming up Paeds and Int Med in shaa Allah.

I want to remind myself:
Pls treasure these moments. The time when you are in need of Allah the most. The time that you realise you have nothing but to rely on and only for His mercy.

The phase of life when you appreciate every past moments filled with good things. And myb the phase when you regret and repent over things in the past.

He is the most merciful.

Allah is very near to us. We are in need of Him for our life, and hereafter.

P/s dr zuhair asked me, which specialty i want to pursue? Determined, i answered internal medicine. An answer that i never thought i would say it.

Thanks to Him. His mercy guided me to 'get' elective course in internal med, that i think i lose my love to paediatrics.

Anyways, loving the children and the elders are sacred act in Islam that even our Prophet said once in hadith that, those who dont care for the children and the elders are not considered among us (muslims).

May Allah show mercy to all of us, guide us in our life, for the best of the bounties in life & hereafter.

Amiin.

Friday, May 19, 2017

zig zag kehidupan

- bismillah -

1. Ketika masuk ke dewan exam, terdengar perbualan kawan2. Kata A, dia tak study pun. Lagipun exam kali ini ialah subjek rotation terakhir.
Waktu saya tengah dengar tu, saya tengah berkerut2 baca nota.

2. Hari ni dean post dalam group student, lepas meeting deanship, ada surat penganugerahan MBBS - ijazah kehormat - kepada seorang pelajar tahun 4... yang baru meninggal.

Both situations tell me something.

Siapa kita di hadapan Tuhan adalah segala-galanya...

Dunia ini penuh tipu daya.

Anything can just happen.

Jalan yang sama, tapi setiap kaki menapak pada titik berbeza, membawa hati yang berbeza, menuju ke titik yang berbeza pula.

3. Tadi berpeluang jumpa kakak senior yang dihormati, beliau singgah ke irbid dengan family. Dah lama saya tak buat sesuatu perkara ikut kata hati. Nekad. Pergi ziarah walaupun semua orang tengah tense nak prepare untuk exam. Allah helps me, eases me. Lama dah tak pray along walking. Lama dah tak rasa buat sesuatu sebab sesuatu yang hanya Allah tahu.

And 4. She told me stories of her own journey. Penuh juga warna-warni perancangan Tuhan.

5. Miracle. Istikharah. Kuasa Allah memudahkan segala perkara yang baik untuk kita.

Semoga, MBBS ini dipermudahkan. Semoga, urusan kerjaya juga dipermudahkan.

Aku mahu bertemu Tuhan dalam keadaan paling diredhai.

Dunia penuh tipu daya, tiada apa yang mengikut perancangan kita kerana sesungguhnya Allah telah merancang segala sesuatu. Apa2 jadi pun, doakan Allah sentiasa tidak tinggalkan kita sorang2. Apa2 jadipun, semoga khauf dan rajaa hanyalah disandarkan pada Allah.

Alhamdulillah, Allah campakkan rasa takut dan risau dalam hati saya, agar saya mencari Allah kembali, agar sandaran dan doa saya untuk masa depan bertambah2.

6. Mati. Itu bukan penamat.

misi bertemu Allah. misi episod kehidupan yang hidup. this is my life, this is His blessing. i have Him to overcome everything.

He will ease, to those who He chose. and let us become ones yang choose Him above everything.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Memori final exam surgery

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. 3 papers dah selesai. Berbaki satuuuuuu in shaa Allah. Dan empat VIVA.

So, walaupun tinggal 1, sebenarnya progressnya 50% lagi haha.

Alhamdulillah. Masa berlalu pantas. Soon, this is all will come to an end.
In shaa Allah.

Tadi naik bas pergi universiti, pakcik tu bawa laju, saya duduk belakang driver. Urm. Entah tiba2 terfikir pasal exciden. What if dlm perjalanan ni jadi apa2? Exam tangguh ke? Hahahaha. Adoi. Lepas tu rasa sangat cuak, what if meninggal dlm perjalanan nak pergi exam? Kira syahid ke? Huhuhu.

Astagfirullah. Dahsyat sangat mode fight-or-flight saya waktu tu. Nak flee dari dunia teros haha.

Anyway, bas tu lambat gerak sebab tunggu orang penuhkan seat. So, saya dan kawan2 sampai lewat ke exam. Exam surgery pulak tu, department yg sangat berdisiplin dan punctual (selepas department neuro haha).

Sampai dekat pagar besar universiti pkul 12.25++ lebih kurang. Examnya 12.30. Nak jalan dari situ ke hall ambik masa 15 minit jika melenggang. Jeng jeng jeng....

Maka berlarilah, ya, kanak2 ribena - malaysian girls - yg terkenal dengan tak havoc dan kain skirt nya. (batch saya jarang pakai seluar, hasil tarbiah ortodoks seniors, batch bawah dah generasi lain dah, protestant hehehe), berlari lintas kereta, tinggi rendah longkang, bawah terik mentari, tanpa menoleh atau mengira apa pandangan orang belakang.... Apasal budak2 ni lari tengah2 alam di bawah matahari niiii....

Run, run for your life!

Tak pernah2 ada orang semangat nak ambik exam sampaikan berlari2 ;')

Such a memory.

Saya ni mudah semput, tapi bila dah kawan yg dlm pantang bersalin pun lebih stamina berlari, haha nak tak nak ku gagahkan jua kaki dan paru2 ini...

Alhamdulillah, sampai hall pkul 12.35. Urmmmm. Masuk, make entrance macam koboi nak serang. Buka pintu paling ganas dan paling tak ayu sebab takut exam dah mulaaa haha.

Rupa2nya, tak mula lagi. Doktor baru cakap2, tengah nak kutip handphones. Maka, semua orang terkejut dan pandang kemunculan seorang yg berhidung kembang... Huhuhu.

Tak pa. Keep calm and cari seat no. Lalalaal.

Alhamdulillah. Duduk. Walaupun tercungap2...buat2 macam tak da apa berlaku. Minum air. Letak beg kat lantai, serah handphone. Urmm. Tiba2 teringat, alamak! Mesti kawan2 yg hall lebih jauh dekat blok lain tak sampai lagi! Oh Allah, make it easy for them....

Saya bersyukur Allah izin saya mampu sampai dewan exam tadi. Alhamdulillah...

Allah sentiasa murah memberi pertolongan. Walaupun exam susah - sebab saya tak habis baca huhuhu - tapi sebenarnya banyak dah benda2 lain yg Allah mudahkan.

Kesannya, waktu jawab tadi happy je. Mana taknya, Adrenaline dah sky rocket naik ke langit hahahaah.

Alhamdulillah.
For everything.
Semoga Allah berkati segalanya.
Air mata, doa, harapan, usaha, jawapan...
Termasuk peluh2 yg memercik. Heheeh.

Semoga Allah redha pada farhana dan rakan2. Amiin.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Ilmu dan hati

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Paper ke-2 final exam baru lepas. Berbaki 14 hari lagi utk tamat. In shaa Allah.

Sesungguhnya, belajar lah sesuatu dgn hati. Learn by heart. Kefahaman dan keikhlasan tu lah yg nak bantu kita di dunia dan akhirat.

Contoh bila soalan unexpected keluar, sesuatu yg luar silibus, tapi dulu kita pernah baca sebab minat nak baca / bacaan tambahan utk tambah kefahaman. Berkat extra effort yg kita buat suatu masa dulu tu, alhamdulillah dapat la jawab...

Atau tak sempat baca sebab banyak sangat huhuhuhu...Allah izin ingat lagi pasal tajuk tu, nota2nya...apa2 yg berkaitan lah. Walaupun tak revise, pertolongan Allah itu sentiasa ada. Kita sebagai hamba kena byk minta, byk berusaha.

Belajar by heart, belajar utk faham, ada hikmah dan good news in the long term. In shaa Allah.

Itu contoh bantuan / balasan baik di dunia, di akhirat? Kita tak tahu ilmu mana yg Allah izin akan bantu kita hingga ke akhirat...

So, belajarlah...

Saya byk kena pesan pada diri. Semoga Allah tak tinggal saya sorang2 mengurus episod kehidupan, kerana berseorangan adalah melekakan bagi saya.

Hurmm.

So, tak ada limit dalam belajar. Lps spm, ada ijazah. Lps ijazah, master, phd. Lps habis jadi pakar satu bidang pun, ada banyakkkk lagi bidang. Ilmu ni luas.

Ilmu quran contohnya.

Sesuatu yg kita belajar bukan sebab nak kerja/kelulusan, adalah lebih dalam melekat dlm ingatan.

Tak salah pun nak jadikan ilmu ijazah ni sbgai fokus.

Asalkan disertakan dengan niat. Niat lurus, in shaa Allah tidak terbeban, melainkan semuanya adalah kemanisan.

Alhamdulillah.
Semoga penutup chapter MBBS saya adalah perkara2 kebaikan dan dlm rahmat Tuhan.

Amiin.

Ps. Antara 5 soalan yg ditanya kpd anak Adam sebelum dpt berganjak kakinya, ialah tentang ilmunya, bagaimana kah dimanfaatkan?
Semoga Allah izinkan kita dgn jawapan yg terbaik.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

a healthy mind

- bismillah -

alhamdulillah. it has been quite sometime when i purposely write as a form of theraphy.

currently, i have finished 1 paper out of 4 subjects for final exam.
alhamdulillah. Allah has taught me a lot. He even allowed me have tahajud on my exam day, of which to be honest, was so hard to perform since i arrived here after one and half months in malaysia. here, the fajr prayer is at 4am, which mean, you have to wake up before that to perform tahajud. but in malaysia, the fajr prayer is a bit late, and anybody who wake up at 5.30am can still perform tahajud, sometimes when the subuh is at 6am. (so what are your excuses malaysiaaaans?) hehe.

the hardest part or challenge i faced was taking the first step to revise. starting has never been easy. but once you have started, things will come into place. all you have to do is to start.

next, i had continuous runny nose. exam-induced cold. hehe. but its okay, i got plenty of time and ways to boost my immune response. one of the way is plenty of sleep. i dont know whether it was a blessing or not to sleep a lot during exam period.

astaghfirullah.

i am currently trying to set a positive mind. to look in good things over what had happened.

i also face another challenge of addiction. i wont share it here, but, it was hard to resist. addiction is not something you can ignore. you have to fight it.
let me list (copied from web) facts about addiction:

With a habit you are in control of your choices, with an addiction you are not in control of your choices.
  • Addiction - there is a psychological/physical component; the person is unable to control the aspects of the addiction without help because of the mental or physical conditions involved.
  • Habit - it is done by choice. The person with the habit can choose to stop, and will subsequently stop successfully if they want to. The psychological/physical component is not an issue as it is with an addiction.
 some more facts,
Signs and symptoms of substance addiction may include:
  • The person takes the substance and cannot stop - in many cases, such as nicotine, alcohol or drug dependence, at least one serious attempt was made to give up, but unsuccessfully.
  • Withdrawal symptoms - when body levels of that substance go below a certain level the patient has physical and mood-related symptoms. There are cravings, bouts of moodiness, bad temper, poor focus, a feeling of being depressed and empty, frustration, anger, bitterness and resentment.
  • There may suddenly be increased appetite. Insomnia is a common symptom of withdrawal. In some cases the individual may have constipation or diarrhea. With some substances, withdrawal can trigger violence, trembling, seizures, hallucinations, and sweats.
  • Addiction continues despite health problem awareness - the individual continues taking the substance regularly, even though they have developed illnesses linked to it. For example, a smoker may continue smoking even after a lung or heart condition develops.
  • Social and/or recreational sacrifices - some activities are given up because of an addiction to something. For example, an alcoholic may turn down an invitation to go camping or spend a day out on a boat if no alcohol is available, a smoker may decide not to meet up with friends in a smoke-free pub or restaurant.
  • Maintaining a good supply - people who are addicted to a substance will always make sure they have a good supply of it, even if they do not have much money. Sacrifices may be made in the house budget to make sure the substance is as plentiful as possible.
  • Taking risks (1) - in some cases the addicted individual make take risks to make sure he/she can obtain his/her substance, such as stealing or trading sex for money/drugs.
  • Taking risks (2) - while under the influence of some substances the addict may engage in risky activities, such as driving fast.
  • Dealing with problems - an addicted person commonly feels they need their drug to deal with their problems.
  • Obsession - an addicted person may spend more and more time and energy focusing on ways of getting hold of their substance, and in some cases how to use it.
  • Secrecy and solitude - in many cases the addict may take their substance alone, and even in secret.
  • Denial - a significant number of people who are addicted to a substance are in denial. They are not aware (or refuse to acknowledge) that they have a problem.
  • Excess consumption - in some addictions, such as alcohol, some drugs and even nicotine, the individual consumes it to excess. The consequence can be blackouts (cannot remember chunks of time) or physical symptoms, such as a sore throat and bad persistent cough (heavy smokers).
  • Dropping hobbies and activities - as the addiction progresses the individual may stop doing things he/she used to enjoy a lot. This may even be the case with smokers who find they cannot physically cope with taking part in their favorite sport.
  • Having stashes - the addicted individual may have small stocks of their substance hidden away in different parts of the house or car; often in unlikely places.
  • Taking an initial large dose - this is common with alcoholism. The individual may gulp drinks down in order to get drunk and then feel good.
  • Having problems with the law - this is more a characteristic of some drug and alcohol addictions (not nicotine, for example). This may be either because the substance impairs judgment and the individual takes risks they would not take if they were sober, or in order to get hold of the substance they break the law.
  • Financial difficulties - if the substance is expensive the addicted individual may sacrifice a lot to make sure its supply is secured. Even cigarettes, which in some countries, such as the UK, parts of Europe and the USA cost over $11 dollars for a packet of twenty - a 40-a-day smoker in such an area will need to put aside $660 per month, nearly $8,000 per year.
  • Relationship problems - these are more common in drug/alcohol addiction.
All the above info is from this website link. eventhough it is more about substance abuse/addiction, you can apply the criteria to behavourial addiction too.
dont get me wrong, i am not even addicted to any kind of substance. not even coffee.

well, enough talking about facts.

so, what did i do to overcome all those challenges?

i did almost everything a sensible mind would do, and some of the things that only insensible minds would also do.

but nothing works. at the end of the day, i feel lost. i lose because i cant study/revise as much as i should have do to prepare for the exam.

that kind of lost, makes me feel like im dying inside.
i keep doing what shouldn't i do, feel guilty, but continue doing it.

days pass and reading materials accumulated. piling high.

...

eventually, i found a source of light.
the only cure is TO CONSTANTLY PRAY. pray for a fresh healthy heart. pray for a strong mind to beat addiction. pray for a positive outlook.

and eventually, the harden heart will get soften. you would start to obey what quran tell you to do. trust me, when our heart is harden, we will read the quran and its meaning, yet nothing happened afterwards. quran says, dont get involved in lagha, but the stone heart will read it, nod, and watch movies after finish reading the quran. ironic.

that is why, during hardship, you can ask for advices, you can read tips, etc etc etc, but a harden heart will ignore them all.

it was hard to live a harden soul. harden by the passing time and daily routines. when was the last time you attend a tazkirah? when was the last time you open a hadis book and learn from it? when was the last time you cry upon hearing a quranic verse?

as this post is my writing theraphy, you = i'm asking my own self.

this is hard to continue.

but i shall finished it.

the below one is the most important one. this is the core. this is the real advice. this is what makes it work for me to beat the challenge.

The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, their hearts become fearful, and when His verses are recited to them, it increases them in faith; and upon their Lord they rely -

The ones who establish prayer, and from what We have provided them, they spend.
Those are the believers, truly. For them are degrees [of high position] with their Lord and forgiveness and noble provision.

the moment we think we have done everything to fix our problem, but it remain unsolved, think whether have you ask Allah for the solution or not? or you have been seeking way out on your own only? remember, we need Him in every ups and downs.

[Remember] when you asked help of your Lord, and He answered you, "Indeed, I will reinforce you with a thousand from the angels, following one another."

And Allah made it not but good tidings and so that your hearts would be assured thereby. And victory is not but from Allah . Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
 dont run away from our responsibility. all those jobs and responsibilities that we find very hard to do, in my case revising all the notes for exams, are actually what Allah and His messenger want us to do (to strive for purposeful actions that benefit us).

O you who have believed, respond to Allah and to the Messenger when he calls you to that which gives you life. And know that Allah intervenes between a man and his heart and that to Him you will be gathered.

and the most strongest advice to keep us studying/working/striving 'hard' works is,

O you who have believed, do not betray Allah and the Messenger or betray your trusts while you know [the consequence].
And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.
so, the answer to all my 'mental' issue during final exam is this...


O you who have believed, if you fear Allah, He will grant you a criterion and will remove from you your misdeeds and forgive you. And Allah is the possessor of great bounty.

verses from surah al-anfal. quran. chapter 8. 
to develop taqwa. so that i will not be doing what an insensible mind would do. so that i would be doing fine being sensible and God-conscious.

to beat procastinations. to beat the heavy headache and runny nose. to beat distractions and endless thoughts and dreams. to beat social media. to beat wasting time.

taqwa. develop it. 

pray that Allah has never left us alone to sail through the waves in the sea of life.

amiin. good luck farhana on beating your own weakness!
good luck to become a successful person with a growth-mindset.
good luck untuk menjadi hamba Allah yang tak pernah ditinggalkan, tanpa perhatian-Nya.

that's it.
[ ;

alhamdulillah. 
astaghfirullah.

ps. one of ways to ventilate and for a healthy mind is to do something beneficial and purposeful for others (read more from this link). i hope my writing can help some of us who got jiwa kacau / disturbed mind, too, because this is originally written for my own reference. tq.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Get up and shake the palm tree!

- bismillah -

Dengan bawah aturan-Nya, i got viral URTI since a couple of days ago, in the middle of final exam battle. In fact, the exam doesnt even started yet.

Somehow, facebook memories reminded me of this today...check out the post image.

Benarlah, Allah itu maha Kaya, maha Pemurah. He knew how much i need Him. Every thing around me is a sign of His endless mercy.

I have been sleeping all day and night, i have doubt and wonder what will happen to my final exam...

But Allah is very merciful. Ada rahmat dan kasih sayangnya dlm setiap yg berlaku.

Get up and shake the palm tree!

Itu arahan Allah kpd Maryam a.s saat beliau keperitan sakit melahirkan.

Bangunlah! Demam je pun...hehehe

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Jadual final exam MBBS saya in shaa Allah

- bismillah -

In shaa Allah, akan berdepan dengan final exam untuk sekeping pra-lesen merawat tubuh manusia bernama MBBS.

*** Jadual ***
MCQs (soalan jawapan ABC)
1) 4/5/2016 KHAMIS
Paediatrics (Kanak2)
9am

2) 9/5/2017 SELASA
Internal Medicine (Perubatan)
1030am

3) 14/5/2017 AHAD
Surgery (Pembedahan)
1230 pm

4) 18/5/2017
Obstetrics & Gynaecology (Perbidanan & Sakit Puan)
1230 pm

VIVA oral exams: (8am)
5) 21/5/2017 - Surgery
6) 22/5 - O&G
7) 23/5 - Paediatrics
8) 24/5 - Int. Med.

Doakan saya...
moga Allah beri taufik dan hidayah dan moga Allah izin grad dengan cemerlang dan redha-Nya.

***
Semoga khauf dan raja' yg tertinggi hanya pada Allah.

Dan sungguh, Allah maha Tahu segala sesuatu.

Semoga Allah izin yg terbaik.
Semoga dilimpahi rahmat-Nya.
Doakan saya, dan rakan2 juga!

Bismillah...
In shaa Allah

Ps. Sebenarnya, Allah sangat pemurah saat mengizinkan saya menjejak ke alam ini. Doaku, moga hidup dan matiku dalam redha Allah. Amiin.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Last cooking before the final exam

- bismillah -

Cant believe it. The first MCQ final exam is around the corner. So starting today's lunch onwards, my housemates and I will be ordering food... Nobody is going to cook meals like before. Heheh.

So here is the 'last' breakfast home-cooked meal, prepared by me this morning. Phewwww memories...how time flies... I can still remember my first time cooking here, 6 years ago, it was hard and tiring to cook for 8 pax dinner.

But somehow, this 'last' cooking jadi touching plak...lps ni xda dah masak2 utk diorang ahli rumah...huhuhu.

Pray i study berkat utk exam kali ni! 8 exams in a month.

Blupp.. blupp..
*tenggelam masuk air*

Monday, April 24, 2017

A challenge

bismillah -

One of the many challenges is to train ourselves to always feel contented. To always feeling satisfied.

Contentment.

Qanaah.

To feel sufficient with what you have.

***

I just wrote the (above) post yesterday, and today i found a piece of advice from Sister Haleh Banani facebook post.

She described how can insecurity leads to bigger problem and eventually to the destruction of any relationship or the person itself.

May Allah protect us from such mass destruction.

Let's us be more grateful.
Let's make a lots of GRATITUDE to beat the feeling of insufficiency.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

mak cik cushing

- bismillah -

ada sorang mak cik, menjerit2 dalam wad. saya sendiri takut nak pergi dekat. semua orang complaint pasal dia.

sampailah satu hari, saya ikut seorang doktor untuk pergi ambik darah. dia cakap baik dan lembut saja dengan mak cik tu. ingatkan mak cik tu nak marah / jerit sebab nak ambik darah (sakit ooo), tapi mak cik tu angguk dan bagi kebenaran. tak jerit. doktor tanya khabar dia, masih penat lagi ke...

pt is comfortable, not tachypneic...

saya yang tadi takut/sangka mak cik tu akan jerit2, dah berani pergi dekat dia. senyum dengan dia. make eye contact.

and hari2 keadaan dia makin baik. dah tak jerit2 kalau nak minta tolong/ tak selesa.

dah tak cabut branula...
dah tak cabut cbd...

cakap baik2, patient pun baik...

and hari last saya di wad itu, saya pergi buat physical exam dekat dia :)
dia bagi...

endocrine, mostly by observation.

clinically, she has cushing syndrome.

may Allah sembuhkan u mak cik.
and thanks to the qudwah doktor yg saya follow, despite orang sekeliling bagi alasan macam2 tak nak ambik darah/tak nak masuk branula sbb susah,

memang susah pun nak ambik darah dia,
eventually doktor pi ambik darah pesakit lain dulu

but the passion/care/responsibility to approach her,
dah hilangkan sangkaan dan penakutan saya.
heh.

pengajarannya, jauhi sangkaan dan aproach la pesakit dengan kasih sayang walaupun mereka 'annoying'. annoying dalam penilaian kita, padahal hakikatnya, pesakit lah orang yg Allah hantar utk bersihkan hati kita. hati yg annoyed akan pandang org lain annoying.

so, cuci la hati tu.
kekurangan / sakit / lemah orang lain adalah utk polish kita punya sikap dan attitude.

i will remember all about your teaching doctor.
if i forgot, these writings/posts will remind me again.

be kind. be extra kind.

:)

Sunday, April 2, 2017

break free

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. posting elektif saya berbaki 10 hari lagi. semoga 10 hari akan datang ini adalah hari2 terbaik dan terisi dengan manfaat dan kebaikan.

antara kunci-kunci yang saya 'temui' sepanjang 20 hari [4 minggu x (isnin sampai jumaat)] yang lalu ialah
- ikhlas
- rajin
- sopan
- berani
- motivasi

dan sebenarnya yang paling penting ialah:
- keberkatan
- doa

ikhlas ialah kunci yg pertama saya jumpa. itupun kawan saya yang 'carikan'. saya mengadu pada hari kedua elektif bahawa hari tu sangatlah suram muram, clueless, dan dengan pengecutnya saya flee from the hospital. ya, hari pertama lapor diri (hari kedua dalam minggu pertama) saya dah balik rumah dan tidur pada pukul 2pm. kantoi bila doktor call cari. urmmm.

tidur petang itu untuk shut down segala kacau bilau perasaan. lepas dapat call tu pun saya tidur semula sebab
everything.seems.complicated....nak nangis pun air mata dah kering.

kemudian, nuha pesan suruh ikhlas. bila ikhlas, in shaa Allah best.

dan esoknya, matahari sangat bersinar riang terang benderang!
Allah izin saya kuat utk melangkah ke hospital, saya mampu tunggu 2 jam pagi tu sebelum dapat jumpa doktor2 yang sibuk, dan bila sampai dekat ward, semua orang seems to be welcoming dan membantu. alhamdulillah...
second day yang sangat amazing dan berlainan daripada first day!

Allah sangat pemurah
Allah sangat mendengar segala rintihan hamba-hamba-Nya.

semoga segalanya Allah izin yg terbaik. amiin.

sehingga sekarang, i cant predict how the day will pass through
hinggalah i found another new 'key'
-to breakfree from expectation
#breakfree daripada susunan manusia, biar Allah yang mengaturkan :)
which doctor, which patient, how, when, why....
semua tu tak perlukita susah2 risaukan, kerana Allah already sudah tahu how the day will end...

dan kunci2/nilai2 ni saya percaya bukanlah untuk elektif saja,
tapi sebagai bekalan untuk kehidupan sehari-harian juga.

- ikhlas
- rajin
- sopan
- berani
- motivasi
- keberkatan
- doa
- bebaskan diri daripada sangkaan/terlebih jangkaan

semoga Allah ampunkan dosa saya dan kalian semua.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Mind reset

- bismillah -

1. It has been quite a while.

2. Sekarang saya di tahun 6 MBBS di sebuah univ di jordan, rotation terakhir iaitu elective posting, di medical department di sebuah hospital di malaysia.

3. Dalam masa 39 hari lagi, bakal menduduki final exam, MCQ dan viva, untuk paediatrics, surgery, internal medicine, obs & gyne. selama 20 hari.

4. Dalam masa 23 hari lagi, akan pulang semula ke jordan.

5. Dalam masa 17 hari lagi, akan tamat elektif. Dan pada minggu terakhir itu ada evaluation. Mungkin Allah nak hadiahkan persediaan viva.

6. I need to organise supaya things dont get messed up.

7. Perkara yang saya tak boleh nak susun berapa hari lagi ialah:
- Bila saya nak kahwin?
- Bila tarikh kembali kepada Allah?

8. Selama 3 minggu elektif ni, saya tengok (benda yg nampak je lah) dan sempat merasa (superficially) bagaimana kehidupan seorang doktor. Baik HO, MO mahupun specialist, semua mereka ada cabaran masing2.

9. Saya tak rasa orang biasa mampu bersabar dengan kehidupan ini.

10. Saya berpeluang bertemu doktor2 yang sangat baik dan menerima dengan baik kehadiran 'adik' ini. Dan ajaibnya, kerja mereka juga cekap, pantas, mudah. Sebagaimana mereka 'memimpin' saya, begitulah lebihnya Allah memimpin mereka pula.

11. Perkara sebaliknya pula berlaku kepada yang sebaliknya. Mungkin kebetulan. Tapi Allah dah janji, setiap kebaikan pasti akan dibalas kebaikan, oleh Tuhan.

12. Tiada orang akan memimpin tangan kita jika sesat, jika ada maka itu ialah bonus. Tiada orang akan mampu memperdulikan orang lain jika diri sendiri tidak terurus, jika ada maka itu bonus.

13. Respek kepada mereka2 yang banyak memberi, despite they themselves dehydrated, drained. I learnt a lot.

14. Sesungguhnya, mendapat working environment yang baik adalah anugerah. Jadilah tenaga positif dan tariklah positif juga. Terangkan wad yang suram itu. Bantu specialist, mudahkan kerja mo, maka itulah nilai kerja seorang ho...

15. Niat Lillah, supaya tidak hanya mendapat lelah.

16. Semoga Allah pertemukan saya dengan kebaikan.

17. Ada doktor nasihatkan gunakan peluang ini untuk persediaan menjadi HO, ada doktor nasihatkan hanya tumpukan untuk tumpu persediaan final exam.

18. Saya percaya, Allah sentiasa ada dan tak pernah tinggalkan saya sorang2. Mungkin, kesibukan di wad medical sekarang ialah hikmah dan hadiah sebagai persediaan untuk peperiksaan dan kehidupan saya selepas grad juga.

19. Jika difikirkan kembali, lebih baik saya syukuri peluang sekarang, peluang 'bekerja' dan lalui kehidupan seorang 'HO celup'. Siapa sangka saya dapat peluang ini, walaupun belum menggenggam sijil tapi sudah dapat 'berkhidmat'?

20. Dan pada masa yang sama, prepare untuk final exam.

21. Siapa tahu, tarikh2 di atas hanyalah perancangan?

22. Dapat, sudah lalui, sebelum dijemput Tuhan.

23. Alhamdulillah.

24. As for now, i gain what i have dreamt off before. Parents fetching me from hospital negeri, to take history from old patients, to make friends, and to live a grateful life....alhamdulillah.

25. Lulus atau bagaimana peperiksaan nanti, semuanya Allah sudah tulis. Yakinlah, berdoalah. Berusahalah. Semoga Allah mudahkan. Semoga Allah redha. Semoga Allah berkati.

26. Jangan bersedih. Segalanya adalah milik Allah. Minta dari Dia.

27. Di mana letaknya kamu? Sungguh saya tak tahu...

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Sacrifice

- bismillah -

Blogging while waiting for my friend. Currently @SR to celebrate her bday!

This morning in the hospital, i was surprised by an early morning angel...or angels. They were post call housemen who were from other wards but came to T5 ward helping around to take blood samples which due morning. I was surprised... Arent they tired of their own call?

Here comes my friend. Till then bye!

Saturday, March 18, 2017

I have no idea

- bismillah -

Liku perjalanan yang seterusnya...
Entah bagaimana lagi liku2 sebelum bertemu dengan yang tercipta

Yg melapangkan hati
Yg menenangkan gelisah
Yg susun atur hidupnya dlm jagaan Tuhan
Sepenuhnya dia tabah dan taat
Ikhlas dan bermanfaat buat sekeliling
Hidup, bukan semata untuk dirinya
Yang ikhlas di dunia kerana mencari syurga di akhirat
T.T
Wujud, tp belum tentu tahu diciptakan utk siapa...

Ah, pemuda cantik hanya sebenarnya al-quran yg menemani kamu hingga ke kubur!

But i believe in Allah's mercy to accept our doa...and to answer them the best possible!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Kind

- bismillah -

Dalam dunia ni, ada banyak jenis orang.
Dalam banyak2 orang yg baik, ada macam2 jenis baik.

Benarlah janji Allah.

Yang baik utk yg baik.
Yg baik sekerat jalan, rugilah dia.
Takkan habis kebaikan dlm dunia ni.
Sorang yg baik pergi, banyak lagi yg baik datang.

Cuma yang Allah nk tengok ialah kita ni... Diri sendiri... Baik ke?

Kalau baik, istiqamah ke?

Kalau istiqamah, ikhlas ke?

Jawablah sendiri...
Tak mudah nak memenuhi kehendak diri, sometimes i wonder i nak apa sebenarnya dlm hidup ni?

Luckily Allah never tired to respond to my endless doa...
Merindui Tuhanku...yang sentiasa ada di sisiku...

T.T emo tengah2 bulan
15/3/17

Oh Allah pls grant me the best of everything in the life and hereafter. amiin.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Lessons from pharaohs' stories

- Bismillah -

There was a new and latest discovery of Ramses II statue. I read the article from natgeo just now. Here in this post i just want to relate with what has been there written in the Quran:

From chapter 10, verse 90:

And We took the Children of Israel across the sea, and Pharaoh and his soldiers pursued them in tyranny and enmity until, when drowning overtook him, he (pharaoh) said, "I believe that there is no deity except that in whom the Children of Israel believe, and I am of the Muslims."

The next verse 91 read:

Now? And you had disobeyed [Him] before and were of the corrupters?

And 92:

So today We will save you in body that you may be to those who succeed you a sign. And indeed, many among the people, of Our signs, are heedless.

Well, besides the well preserved and mummified pharaohs, i believe that those statues/clues found day by day are signs from Allah.

Almost everybody in the world know about egyptian civilisation and stories about pharaohs. Because Allah has promised to make 'him' stay/remain intact, as Allah's sign for us the recent people to learn from pharaoh(s) actions.

He, pharaoh, (i personally dont know which one or all), as stated in Quran, declare himself as god. In the bible it is stated that ramses worship re, the god sun. Be it however the stories are, what i want to clarify is, pharaoh has been living his life disobeying Allah and rejected Moses (prophet Musa) teaching and faith. But when he was about to drown after chasing moses and his followers, he declare that he believes in Allah, and declare that he is muslim (in arabic, muslim means to be in purely submission to Allah). BUT HELL NO. Allah rejected his 'words of faith' because it was wayyy tooo late.

And Allah wants us to learn from this story.

Submit to Allah, He is the one and the only god to worship, He is the creator of this whole world, and prophet Muhammad is the last messenger.

******
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/03/egypt-pharaoh-ramses-statue-discovered-cairo/

Massive Statue of Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh Found in City Slum

The unearthed pieces are made of quartzite and may depict one of Egypt's most famous rulers.

By Sarah Gibbens

PUBLISHED MARCH 10, 2017

Archaeologists from Egypt and Germany have discovered the remains of an ancient Egyptian statue they believe could depict one of history's most famous rulers.

The likeness of what may be Pharaoh Ramses II was found submerged in groundwater in a Cairo slum.

"We found the bust of the statue and the lower part of the head and now we removed the head and we found the crown and the right ear and a fragment of the right eye," Khaled al-Anani, Egypt's antiquities minister, told Reuters.

The 26-foot statue is made of quartzite and could be up to 3,000 years old. The Antiquities Ministry in Egypt is hailing the discovery as significant. The remains lack an inscription bearing the pharaoh's name, but the discovery's proximity to a temple devoted to Ramses suggest the statue is of his likeness, the ministry says.

A limestone statue of Pharaoh Seti II, the grandson of Ramses II, was also found at the site.

The discovery was made by a joint effort between Egypt's Ministry of Antiquities and researchers from the University of Leipzig. A rising water table, industrial waste, and piling rubble have made excavation of the ancient site difficult.

A quartzite colossus possibly of Ramses II and limestone bust of Seti II are seen after they were discovered at the ancient Heliopolis archaeological site in Matareya area in Cairo, Egypt on March 9, 2017. The statues were found in parts in the vicinity of the King Ramses II temple in the ancient city Heliopolis, also known as Oun, by a German-Egyptian archaeological mission.

A quartzite colossus possibly of Ramses II and limestone bust of Seti II are seen after they were discovered at the ancient Heliopolis archaeological site in Matareya area in Cairo.

Ramses II is one of the ancient world's most famous leaders. He ruled Egypt from 1279 to 1213 B.C., making his 60-year-long-rule one of the longest in ancient Egypt. His military exploits expanded Egypt's reach as far east as modern Syria and as far south as modern Sudan.

The growth and prosperity seen in Egypt at the time earned him the title "Ramses the Great."

Excavation will continue in Cairo and, if the remaining pieces can restore the statue, it will be erected at the Grand Egyptian Museum, which is set to open in 2018.

The neighborhood in which the statue was discovered is in the eastern part of the city and was built over the ancient city of Heliopolis. The city was so named because it served as the center of worship for the ancient Egyptian sun god Re.

Ramses was a chief worshiper of Re. He commissioned a number of temples in Heliopolis to be built for worshipping the sun god.

It's also believed Ramses II may have been the pharaoh from the biblical Book of Exodus from whom Moses demanded the release of his people.

In 2006, archaeologists discovered one of the largest sun temples in Cairo under a marketplace. It was found to house a number of statues of Ramses II weighing as much as five tons. One such statue depicted the pharaoh seated and wearing a leopard's skin, indicating that he might have served as a high priest of Re when the temple was built.

Much of what was once Heliopolis is now covered with residential buildings. Researchers believe many more remains of the ancient world lie hidden under the wider city of Cairo.

******
- end of original article -

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Tudung tak pakai pin

Balik msia dekat airport nampak beberapa orang pakai tudung terbang2...
Feeling agaknya...

Tak ada orang sampai hati nak cakap kot?

"Excuse me, your scarf looks terrible. Do u need a mirror?"

Or

"Excuse me, nak pin/kerongsang lebih ke?"

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

T_T

- bismillah -

It must be dull kalau path ni takda air mata.
U aint going anywhere, u are going to Jannah, to meet Allah who is always watching you and knowing your fight.

"o Allah, what ever blessing that you bestow on me, or on others, are all come from You. You are the only One, never will we betray, and to You and only You we will be grateful, all praises be upon You."

Kesat air mata. Semoga saya tak lupa. Semoga hari ni menjadi batu kekuatan semangat jika masa depan breakdown lagi.

I have nowhere to go, but to run towards Allah. He will never left me alone.

T_T esok dan lusa exam. Doakan, Allah kasih dan rahmati saya.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Bintang tiga beradik

- bismillah -

Live your day with light of hope,
Dont be preoccupied with flame of fear.

Look at the stars in the middle of the night,
You'll learn a lot from the burning lights.

Mak, ayah,
Thank you. For everything. 😢

Friday, February 17, 2017

keep going farhana...

- bismillah -

إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ ثُمَّ لَمْ يَرْتَابُوا وَجَاهَدُوا بِأَمْوَالِهِمْ وَأَنفُسِهِمْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ۚ أُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الصَّادِقُونَ
The believers are only the ones who have believed in Allah and His Messenger and then doubt not but strive with their properties and their lives in the cause of Allah . It is those who are the truthful.
(quran 49:15)
***
hari ni saya baru buat akaun myself (utk kegunaan pihak penaja biasiswa). dalam tu ada graf, tunjuk "berapa byk dah kerajaan laburkan untuk saya?"

dari mula pengajian 2011 sampai sekarang, berbaki lebih kurang 3 bulan in shaa Allah, hampir mencecah 500k ringgit...setengah juta (ini campur duit yuran laaa..bukan total duit poket).

subhanAllah.
alhamdulillah.

tanpa rezeki Allah bagi ni, macam mana la saya dapat jalani episod2 dalam MBBS ni...

semoga saya tak sombong
semoga banyakkk saya bersyukur
dan semoga saya terus menerus pasang angan dan doa banyak2222
sebab

pemberian Allah adalah limitless!
He has it all...mintakkk lahh

law of attraction :)
= mat saleh kata, apa yg kita fikir/fokus, yg tu lah yg kita capai dlm hidup
law of doa :)
Nabi kata, apa yg kita doa, semua Allah dengar...dan Allah akan bagi...dengan sebaik2 pemberian yg Allah lebih tahu bila, bagaimana, berapa, etc

p/s well, bila ada exam, mula lah rasa nk tulis blog banyak2...huhuhu
doakan, exam saya hari RABU dan KHAMIS depan..semoga Allah permudah dan diberkati, semoga happy, sensible, tenang, bersyukur... sebelum, semasa dan selepas exam...amiin.

dan doakan juga jodoh saya adalah antara perkara2 kebaikan yang dipermudahkan :)

hehe (nak exam kan...mmg la macam2 distraction keluar haha)

Endocrine endofweek

- bismillah -

Seronok! Endocrine ni melibatkan seluruh badan. Dan semuanya dynamics, tak ada statik. Rasa otak bersambung la kalau handle kes endocrine haha.

The rest, written in my diary.

😇

Alhamdulillah.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Bangun pagi mudah jika set dlm kepala nak bangun sendiri

- bismillah -

Dulu, waktu saya mula2 dapat henfon, saya buat alarm utk kejut bangun pagi. Masa tu, tingkatan 5. Sebelum ni, mak dgn ayah lah pengkejut setia. I never woke up sendiri haha.

Lps tu, ada sekali tu, my alarm bunyi, selalunya set lebih awal daripada orang lain (sebab nk buat homework hahaha). Masalahnya, tak reti nk bangun. So alarm tu berpanjangan = pada masa yg sama disturb orang lain. So mak pun tegur. Dia marah la jugak.

Sejak tu, saya jenis yg bangun bila dengar bunyi alarm sendiri. Kalau malas bangun, at least snooze, sebab kalau tak buat macam tu akan mengganggu orang lain. Yes, we can continue sleeping biarpun alarm sendiri bunyi, tp ketahuilah, orang lain dengar sangat annoying!

Dan sejak tu jugak saya annoyed dengar alarm orangggg...15 minit non-stop plak tu. Solat subuh, ngaji, dah settle pun alarm orang belum stop.

Astaghfirullah. But i seriously hate the situation.

So, belajarlah bertanggungjawab. Belajar bangun sendiri tanpa orang gerak. Belajar tidur awal. Lagi2 perempuan. Besar tanggungjawab. Bukannya selamanya hidup bangun2 terus solat zohor. Dapur, bilik air, ruang tamu, sapa nak kemas? Perut sendiri dan keluarga, sapa nak masakkan makanannya?

Bertanggungjawab pada diri, sebelum kau fikir nak hidup berkeluarga. Dan tanggungjawab ni bukan boleh pilih untuk tak nak buat, bukan boleh ignore atau tolak cabaran, sebab nabi dah kata, org xda niat nak kahwin bukan dari umatnya. Ada niat, kenalah ada persediaan. Belajar utk hidup utk fikir selain diri sendiri, itu hadaf utk bina keluarga. Nabi nak suruh kita capai self-actualisation dalam 'cabaran' baginda suruh umatnya kahwin.
Kita saja yg tak nampak...
Yg nampak hanyalah boleh tukar dp, boleh pakai baju lace, boleh sponsor bridemaids, etc etc etc.

Banyak lagi tanggungjawab..
Jadilah 'orang' dulu sebelum nak jadi mak/ayah orang.

Friday, January 27, 2017

14 jam transit abu dhabi

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah, cuti balik msia ritu saya beranikan diri utk capai target #tripsolo #solotrip...

Walaupun awalnya ada suara timbulkan isu haram/makruh/harus utk perempuan travel sendiri... Hehe. Takpalah, mereka membuatkan saya membaca..

Jadi begitulah. Tick satu pencapaian travel sendiri. Dulu baca satu blog kakak ni, dia travel solo ke bandung/bali something like that. Tapi bukan jenis orang yg ikut trend, upload etc, tapi dia pergi utk belajar, tambah pengalaman, mencabar diri.

Begitulah. Saya kata ja sorang, tapi sebenarnya sepanjang masa Allah teman. Banyak urusan mudah, dan surpriseee pun ada. Alhamdulillah.

Saya bersyukur tempat2 saya pergi semuanya tak sesak, sesak time saya nak balik dari tempat tu. Heran gak. Timing macam kena ngam ngam saja. Rupa2nya... jam saya ter-adjust sejam awal! Haha. Dekat airport waktu nak balik baru perasan sbb beza jam tangan dgn jam phone. Luls.

So far, alhamdulillah, hari jumaat sangat tenang. Tempat paling heaven ialah fish market! Memang pasar ikan...haha. tp okaylah, boleh upah siang ikan situ, and boleh suh masak di situ gak...bakar2. saya beli sekor ikan (tak tahu ikan apaaaa.. haha tak pernah2 beli ikan), tunggu bakar 30 minit, lps tu pergi makan di taman tepi laut...heaven.

Dekat gigitan terakhir lauk seekor ikan, datang kucing...huhuhu. sabar ja lah.

After lepak corniche abu dhabi (pantai), saya pergi ke masjid grand mosque sheikh zayed. Ma shaa Allah! Cantik! Magnificent!

Deep inside, tak sangka Allah izin saya sampai ke sana. Selalu tengok dalam tv, cerita apa tah..haha kinda honeymoon ke sana. Anyway, i went there alone and it's fine. Hehe.

Lps tu balik airport. Sebab pergi ke masjid azan asar di sana, sempat solat jamak zuhur-asar alhamdulillah. Di masjid ni ada solat berimam macam biasa setiap waktu. Saya tengok jam dah pukul 6, saya pun bergegas balik airport..sebab tak nak malam tapi still tak sampai airport..bahaya hehe.

Waktu saya balik, ya Allah queue ramainya manusiaaaa...pelancong berbaris nak masuk, bas beratus! So i'm lucky i guess.

Alhamdulillah.

Sampai airport, settle mandi (toilet gate 35 di abu dhabi airport) tukar baju bagai, sebab seharian berjalan. Solat jamak maghrib-isyak, caj phone, lepak surau. Tup tup baru perasan jam di tangan dgn jam phone tak sama. Oh, rupanya sepanjang hari saya berjalan di bandar abu dhabi tu dengan jam cepat sejam! Patutlah pergi tempat fish market, masjid tak sesak, cun-cun orang tak sesak. Hahaha.

Jalan2 beli souvenir habiskan duit dirham.
Lepak costa makan donat.
Pkul 10 malam terbang balik KL.

Hehehe.
Alhamdulillah.

So far, tempat paling masyuk, rasa sangat bahagia, seronok, ialah masjid tu. Pantai pun best. Fish market pun best. Alhamdulillah.

Duit saya lebih banyak sebab tak pergi tempat shopping jubah (angkara jam cepat sejam hehehe).

Total i spent dah tulis tp lupa kertas tu letak mana.

Balik msia sambung jalan2 penang plak! With family.
Char koay teaw, nasi goreng paprik, teh tarik, roti canai bla bla.

Balik rumah keesokannya pergi thailand plak. Juga with family. Tomyam, daging merah...

And the rest of the week spent dekat rumah. Nasi gulai ikan! Lauk ayam beli banyakkk utk anak2 makan.

Overall, semoga di syurga nanti Allah izin kami berkumpul lagi...lebih bahagia dan sedap nikmatnya.

Semoga Allah berkati kehidupan kami sekeluarga, di dunia dan akhirat. Amiin.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

End of HematoOncology tagging

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah.
Hari ni hari khamis mood ke laut tenggelam timbul sebab esok start cuti panjang, sampai hospital ketika ahli group lain dah balik huhu. Doktor buat round pkul 1, jadi sempat cover patient sorang dua dan makan nasi di kafe (ini penting).

Doktor sebelum2 ni pesan, kamu student cuba jadi first line, maksudnya tahu semua pasal pesakit dan paling rapat (bridge) dengan patient.

Tadi bila doktor pakar tanya pasal details penyakit muka surat belakang2 (bca receptors), kadangnya doktor tak sempat tengok, tup tup ada student yg akan tlg bgtau... jadi benefit utk pesakit dan semua doktor sebab boleh urus/manage accordingly with the details known..xpayah tunggu esok.

And sometimes, complaint sampingan seperti back pain, boleh refer pada ortho jika bukan bahagian kerja doktor pakar itu. Yg penting, student sampaikan (kadang patient tak bgtau ie ada hemoroid), dan cadangkan workup and let doktor buat evaluation.

Hari ni saya ckp dkt doktor, this patient ada microcytic anemia, why dont we investigate? Like upper endoscopy, stool analysis...
Doktor pakar fikir 2 saat, dia ckp dekat doktor resident, ok buat anemia work up (ferritin, b12 etc).
Heh.
Walaupun salah (sebab saya terus jump to buat invasive test hahaha), at least dapat la belajar something.
And the great thing is...doctor dengar pandangan kerdil ini 😁😁😁
Hihi.

Dan tersentuh tengok doktor bagi perhatian pada setiap kata2 pesakit. Walaupun ambik masa sikit, tapi doktor cover balik dengan jalan laju2 hehe.

So far, semua doktor ada cara masing2, dan sebagai student, saya kena bersungguh2 jaga keberkatan. Jangan mengeluh, jangan mengumpat, because in the end, semua doktor adalah hebat kerana menjadi dirinya...

Alhamdulillah.
Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan2 kebaikan semua org yg berniat baik..
Semoga Allah ampunkan dosa2 kita.

😊

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Sabar yang indah

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Hari ni hari ke-3 tagging dengan dr hemato-oncology.

Ada pesakit macam2, kebanyakannya utk chemo. Sedih, kesian, bersyukur semua ada.

Hari ni dr specialist takda, jadi round dengan dr resident. Dia tak cakap banyak, tapi bila ada masa seperti masa mennggu doktor lain join, dia akan tanya2 soalan (ini yg kita mahu haha). Dan bila students tanya soalan, dia akan jawab panjanggg bukan sepatah hehe.

Mendoakan dia jadi specialist juga nanti in shaa Allah.

Ada sorang patient saya, dia kerja setiausaha, suatu hari lenguh2 sakit pinggang, lama2 melarat hingga ke kedua-dua belah kaki. Sakit apabila berjalan. Sampai satu tahap, dia tak boleh gerakkkan kakinya langsung. Tiba2 dia lumpuh!

Spinal cord compression. Due to complication of multiple myeloma.

Sebenarnya dia ada kanser darah. Tapi tak pernah diketahui. Tahu2 kanser tu dah merebak ke tulang pinggang dan tulang belakang, dan merata lagi (axial skeleton). Banyak investigations dan buat dan dia jalani chemo.

Sewaktu saya ambil kes dia, sudah 6 bulan berlalu sejak dia dikesan ada kanser. Dan chemo pun dah habis 6x. Sekarang utk tgk scan seluruh badan jika ada saki baki kanser yg tak terbunuh dengan ubat. Jika sudah lega sepenuhnya, dia perlu sambung rawatan maintenance on thalidomide.

Alhamdulillah suduh lega dan memberikan respons yang baik selepas chemo.

Walaupun dia tetap terlantar, tak boleh berjalan.

Tapi dia kelihatan senang, senyum, dan melayan baik pertanyaan saya. Semoga diampunkan dosa dan ditambah pahala atas penyakitnya.

Begitulah kehidupan. Berkatnya sabar dan sakit dia, dia telah mengajar saya ilmu perubatan berkaitan multiple myeloma. Dia juga ialah refleksi bahawa Allah berkuasa menyembuhkan. Allah berkuasa memberi penyakit, yg sudah tercipta ubatnya sebelum timbul penyakit.

Dan untuk setiap situasi kurang senang yang saya hadapi, ada orang yg diuji lagi berat, bahkan mereka lebih sabar.

Dalam rotation internal medicine, banyak kena bawa diri dan self-learning. Kena aktif bertanya dan mendengar. Hehe.

Overall, setiap hari perlu sangat2 berdoa dan positif.

Dan kerana setiap hari kita perlu menuntut ilmu, kena minta Allah ajarkan ilmu, kerana bukan doktor saja yg memberi pengajaran. Malah, kita belajar dengan tindakan diri sendiri.

Hakikat hayat, segalanya pasti berlalu.

Semoga Allah jadikan saya doktor yg diberi keberkatan ilmu dan masa,
Semoga dihiasi akhlak dan kesabaran.
Semoga ditempatkan dalam kalangan hamba2-Nya yang terbaik.

Amiin.
😍😍😍

When the Pharaoh tortured his wife Asiya so intensely, she did the only thing she could do…

...she turned to Dua.

She made a Dua Allah loved so much, He (swt) put it in the Quran for us to recite until the end of time.

“My Lord! Build for me a home near You in Jannah…
... and save me from Pharaoh and his deeds and save me from the oppressors.”
- copied -

Saturday, January 21, 2017

saturday night's reflection

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Irbid sekarang sejuk, nyaman, berangin.

Alhamdulillah, saya dalam rotation terakhir untuk tahun 6, iaitu internal medicine. Tadi luangkan masa untuk baca semula catatan semasa tahun2 pra-klinikal, terasa sungguh banyak pertolongan dan bantuan yang Allah bagi.

Saya lihat semula buku2 teks saya, alhamdulillah, Allah rezekikan saya beli dan gunakan mereke. mereka~

Sebenarnya tadi jumpa blogpost lama2 pasal persiapan temuduga JPA, ada saya tuliskan harapan dan doa. Sebenarnya, saya rasa dulu saya lebih banyak berdoa.

Ah, betapa masa yang panjang berlalu telah menghakis nilai dan kualiti saya...

dan tadi kemas2 barang dalam almari, terjumpa buku catatan. rupanya, itu buku catatan perkara positif sehari-harian, semasa saya tahun 2. blessed nya hidup waktu itu! ada to-do list, ada positive vibes setiap hari. saya ingat lagi, saya buat perkara tu sebab waktu itu bulan ramadan, semester musim panas, jadi saya nak elakkan perkara negatif so saya buat semua tu.

and believe it or not, saya paling suka dan lapang semasa summer semester. biarpun berjalan tengah panas, biarpun letih dan siangnya panjang, alhamdulillah, segalanya terasa lapang dan, blessed!

(tips utk kekuatan emotional intelligence, rekodkan 2 perkara positif setiap hari, yg anda buat atau yg terjadi pada anda... saya buat masa tu almost sepanjang summer sem. lepas cuti, dah lupa habit tu huhuhuh.)

dan yeah, sekarang saya kena bina semula habit dulu. menulis di laptop, menulis di journal, memegang pen.

saya percaya, masa saya makin berkurang atau terasa sempit kerana makhluk bernama handphone.

handphone, scrolling endlessly, semua tu memakan perancangan masa.

dan saya percaya, nak kembali ke sikap dulu yg positif, motivasi tinggi, semangat, rajin, kemas teratur, semua tu perlu baiki dengan urus masa dengan handphone.

pagi tadi bangun tanpa tengok handphone, banyakkkk kerja rumah settle. haha.

jyeah.

nak jadi surirumah, nak jadi orang yg memiliki rumah, kenalah pandai urus rumah kan? :)

jangan terlalu leka dengan kehidupan tanpa perancangan, kerana perancangan itu adalah salah satu bentuk doa dan harapan, yang kita percaya Allah dengar, dan jika perancangan itu baik untuk kita, maka Allah akan permudahkan.

semoga, 2017 ini tahun terbaik untuk perjalanan medik saya.
semoga saya berjaya grad dengan redha Allah, berkat segala usaha dan masa,
doakan, semoga makin baik di pandangan Allah,
makin taat dan kuat iman dan motivasi, biar sorang atau ramai.

peringatan utk saya:
ada hadis nabi, cakap, "ada sorang lelaki ni, dulu dia orang yg bangun malam, lalu kini dia tinggalkan bangun malam."
ka-na qi-ya-m lail, fa-ta-ra-ka qi-ya-ma-lail

menangis lah kita...dengan perkataan fataraka itu...

semoga Allah ampunkan kita.
sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya melainkan dengan pertolongan dan keizinan Allah.
sungguh, Allah sentiasa menyambut kita...
dan sungguh, setiap yang berlaku ini adalah kebaikan...untuk disyukuri.

semoga 2017 adalah terbaik dan lebih baik daripada tahun2 sebelum ini
semoga Allah ampunkan dan permudahkan urusan saya dunia dan akhirat.

doakan!

p/s saya dah berjaya DELETE app instagram. (account blom hehehe)
dan saya bersyukur tidak aktif tweeter.
buat kalian yang masih ada saki baki iman untuk menjadi manusia cemerlang dunia akhirat, tinggalkanlah perkara lagha... biarpun pelan-pelan, asalkan berterusan.
kalau rasa selesa, tanyalah diri, HOW IS YOUR QURAN progressing? dulu berjaya baca 1 juzuk sehari, sekarang bagaimana?? hafalan? ulangan?
kalau makin berkurang, itu tanda terlalu banyak bersosial...dengan makhluk yang takkan teman masuk kubur pun sebagaimana al-Quran akan teman kita....

:')
pulanglah ke pangkal jalan.....masih ada masa

alhamdulillah.
astaghfirullah.

Friday, January 20, 2017

The Secret bab 1

- bismillah -

Tadi baca buku the secret by rhonda byrne. Seronok! Walaupun baru bab 1...

Dulu sewaktu buku ni baru diterbitkan, saya sangka buku ini sekadar tulisan fiksyen. Hoho sapa suruh tak baca sinopsis.

And bila datang sini lepas habis cuti semester, ada buku tu di rak buku housemate saya.

Setahun, dua tahun berlalu...

Sehinggalah awal tahun ini, saya minta nak baca dari tuannya...

Apa yang the secret sangat tu? Buku tu tentang apa?

Alkisahnya, saya jumpa satu review kawan saya pasal buku ni. Dia kata, nak buat apa2 pun boleh dalam hidup ni, you can do everything and anything in this world, cuma religion, law and culture yang menjadi halangan.

So dlm bab mukadimah (ya saya jenis orang yg baca mukadimah buku huhu), penulis sebut la pasal the secret ni. Mcm mana orang babylon boleh jadi hebat. Mcm mana leonardo da vinci power melukis, cipta macam2 rekaan, mozart dengan muziknya dll. Kenapa mereka boleh ada pencapaian yg hebat tu tapi zaman sekarang xda orang boleh tandingi?

Well, penulis tu barat jadi dia tak sebut la pasal ibn sina avicenna, abulcasis, alkhawarizmi...

Ya, hairan kan macam mana mereka boleh hebat sangat pemikiran dan pencapaian waktu tu?

Jadi, jawapannya adalah the secret....

Simply, penulis kata, dan ramai2 orang berjaya yg dia interview kata, the secret ialah... the law of attraction. Apa kita fikir, yg tu lah yang akan berlaku dlm hidup. Dia kata, hidup kita yg sekarang ni adalah apa yg kita fikir dari dulu...

Fikir2 balik, mcm ada betul gak.

Katanya lagi, universe/ alam semesta kita ni 'dengar' dan 'respon' pada kuasa fikiran kita. Minda kita ini ialah menara transmitter yg hantar dan terima frequency mcm tv huhu, kita yg pilih channel apa nak tonton berdasarkan frekuensi yang kita hantar.

Penulis tambah lagi, disebabkan minda kita sibuk, kadang celaru sebab banyak sangat nak fikir sampaikan kita takda benda nak minta/capai/attract dlm hidup ni. Dia cadangkan buat meditasi, paling kurang 3-10 minit sehari. Sounds familiar kan? Dengan meditasi, minda dan fikiran kita akan lebih fokus dan teratur. Barulah boleh jadi powerful!

Well.
Ini bukan penemuan baru.
Haha. Sebab dlm islam, kita diajar, doa. Dan akidah kita ialah kita percaya Allah maha mendengar. Memang Allah dengar pun setiap suara hati dan minda kita!
Haha. Dan meditasi utk legakan keserabutan otak? Solat. Paling2 solat kita on average ialah 5 minit. Hah, patutnya orang islam ni sangatlah powerful mind and thoughts nya!

Itulah, the secret yg kita tak hayati...
Fikir baik2, positif, doa minta kebaikan dunia dan akhirat, doa minta perlindungan, zikir sebut nama2 Allah, bacaan mathurat pagi petang yg Nabi amal,
Adalah ruang dan peluang utk menjadi manusia powerful dan byk pencapaiannya di dunia ini...

But still, Allah guide kita utk guna kuasa minda ni, dlm surah baqarah...Allah pesan jangan lupa fikir pasal akhirat juga.

Baru baca buku tu bab 1...hehe
So far, buku ni bagus utk yg tengah low mood atau tak tahu nak capai apa dlm hidup..haha. dan utk yg worry dengan masa depan..boleh la kot dapat inspirasi dan pengajaran daripada buku ni, asalkan sentiasa alaskan bacaan dengan kefahaman akidah, iman dan islam yg sudah syumul. Buku ni membantu kita membuka mata utk menghargai dan mencari kesempurnaan islam yg tertimbus dengan kejahilan kita utk nak kaitkan agama dengan kehidupan.

Yang tahu nak sekular ja...cuba belajar sambung dan buat connection sket.

Heh.

Catatan ramadan 1438H #4

- bismillah - So, right there in front of the kaabah i was standing as a poor girl. No phone, no money, nothing. I only had a bottle of zam...