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surgery struggle

- bismillah -

alhamdulillah. i am breathing (still).

it has been tiring months, i am currently in surgery rotation, my 3rd rotation for the final year.

well, surgery is tough. every day starts with 8.00 am sharp morning report, 8.30 am we went to the ward to see patients and take good case from them, at 10am then the doctor (consultant/specialist/resident) will come to discuss cases with us and do some bedside teaching. at 11.30 am we are dismissed, and there are another two lectures/seminar awaiting at 1 pm. reach home only at 4pm, which has already been dark because it is winter now (maghrib/sunset at 4.30pm).

phew.

i am not complaining, but i remembered those days in obs & gyne rotation when i reach home at 10am~ i dont like it either to home so early.

well, now since that i spent the whole day outside, things start to be in mess inside my house, i admit that. especially my room.

struggling hard to juggle and balance everything.

but yeah, i am not perfect. and i am happy in my current state. eventhough it is very disturbing to not shine in ward rounds, to be timidly shy to give opinions, well, takkan habis kalau nak wailing pasal tu. who cares kalau salah jawab dalam round...who cares kalau krik krik tak tahu jawapan...

but

i care....
i hate it bila i am mute for the whole day
i hate it bila i cant understand what the doctor was saying (mix arabic)
i hate it when they ask simple question, too simple, and get laughed when i cant answer it.
(doctor explained everything in arabic, insert some jokes, everybody laughing, i struggle hard to rewind what he said and to search for the funny part, when suddenly a simple question shot for me....stuttered and processing hard, 'what did he just ask me about?')

well, i started not to bother much about that field of weakness. i just want to appreciate my final year moments.
i think bila Allah dah bagi sampai hospital itu pun dah big blessing. walking from home to the bus station, 30-minutes journey by bus to the university, another 15-min walk to the hospital. yes, all those strength and effort only come with Him.
yes Allah boleh bagi semua yg kita nak mintak, tapi sedarlah, yg kita dapat tu dah besar dah lebih dari apa yg kita mampu.

being grateful, makes us feeling better,

well, life is hard. but Allah is with me everyday. He will make it an ease for me. amiin.

pray pray pray,
moga saya makin cemerlang.

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