Saturday, December 31, 2016

My 2016

- bismillah -
What i want to achieve in my 24th chapter?

Bismillah dan tawakal utk tahun baru
Alhamdulillah utk tahun lama

2016 has been a very great year for me and family.
Allah cured the illnesses and sadness that we think not easily cured,
(measles, ptsd, traumatic post cataract, and much more that myb went unnoticed)
Fought the 11 final exams battle during 5th year,
Blessed ramadan in malaysia breaking fast with parents for complete whole month,
Survived 3-weeks learning and practising in hosp emergency department,
Had a great raya with all full house,
Pursuing final year,
And alive breathing well...

Alhamdulillah.

And not to forget that i got free 3 seats in a long international flight, slept well, comfortable and healthy, while after that i learnt there was a family who need to pay for extra seats to transport their stroke bed-ridden mom home.

Allah has been kind to all of us.
It is the matter of realising or ignoring our blessings...

Bismillah
Alhamdulillah

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Chill-est exam

- bismillah -

Hari ini dlm sejarah.
:)
Doktor UH angkat thumbs up cakap WELL DONE! dekat satu station osce...Allah...nikmat yg baru dapat di tahun akhir ;')

Sebelum mula exam, doktor2 resident cakap station tu doktor paling malignant, i keep calm and doa moga dpt doktor paling baik despite what ever they are saying....and alhamdulillah...station yg org kata susah tu la dapat thumbs up. Dan doktor banyak tolong...sebab i tak paham soalan :'( hahaha

Dan biasalah, station lain yg lagi senang, hehe tak dapat thumbs up pun, sbb soalan senang pun salah...hihu

Semoga kesudahan yg baik utk perjalanan ini.

Alhamdulillah.
Allah banyakkk tolong saya dan rakan2.

Malam exam saya tidur, sbb sakit kepala dan tak tahu nak study apa. Bangun awal lps tu study. Alhamdulillah.

Nabi pesan, kalau kita preoccupied our mind dengan dunia, kefakiran akan terletak di kedua kelopak mata. Jika fikir nak sangat skor, wailing kenapa aku tak boleh etc, akan bertambah2 rasa tak cukup dlm diri. Saya selalu rasa. Tp alhamdulillah this time for surgery, i decide to be sensible and fokus benda lain jugak supaya exam tu tak menjadi benda paling besar dlm kepala.

Penuhkan target quran, baca doa lebih, sembang dgn mak ayah...apa2 ja lah yg generate pahala utk fokus akhirat.

Saya tak kata saya baik, tp at least ni cara tak nak pecahkan kepala pikir masalah nak exam.

Cuba bayang, kita fikir exam exam exam, bayangkan tiba2 otw ke exam tu malaikat maut cabut nyawa...what was the last and biggest thing dalam kepala kita? Dunia atau akhirat?

Dan nabi pesan, tak bau syurga jika kita belajar sesuatu kerana habuan dunia.

Allah pun kata dlm quran, siapa nak dunia maka akan dapat dunia, tapi akhirat tak dapat apa.

Semua tu syaratnya, letak perkataan "semata-mata".

Allah kata kejarlah akhirat, tapi jangan lupa nasib kamu di dunia.

Allah kata doa orang yg beriman bukan sekadar minta dunia, tapi both dunia dan akhirat.

Chill ok?

Semua ni Allah izin dan tolong. Always ingat, kita ni sangat lah fakir kepada Allah. We are beggars for His mercy. Bila rasa diri fakir, sedarlah kita utk memohon dengan sungguh2.

Alhamdulillah.
Penuh miracles exam kali ni.
Semoga Allah dekatkan saya dengan segala kebaikan dunia dan akhirat.
Berdoalah, Allah akan beri kebaikan.
Terutama doa2 dari keluarga.
#anexamtoremember
#surgeryosce

Rotation habis setiap dua bulan, perjalanan Quran macam mana?
Satu bulan, satu juzuk ?
Takpa, mufti menk kata, 1milimeter pun dikira progress.

Selain tick progress perjalanan tahun akhir, jgn lupa tick progress quran...apa nk dicapai, apa nk belajar, apa nk dihafal/diulang

Semoga, hal dunia dan akhirat kita berjalan seiring.

#surahinsan
#surahtaha
#surahibrahim
#surahmaryam
Banyak reflection bab2 berdoa kepada Allah. Jom dalami! 😇

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Exam surgery

- bismillah -

Ayah send ni di pagi exam.

Dulu ayah bagi ayat surah al-Insan.

Kalau mengadu takleh study, mak akan reply suruh istighfar.

Semua tu full of reflection, exam bukan semata mata exam.

Exam ni pun part of ibadah.

Thank you mak ayah atas doa kalian.
Terima kasih membimbing anakmu ini dengan iman dan islam.
Semoga Allah hadiahkan Jannah buat mak dan ayah. Amiin.

Alhamdulillah.

Doakan perjalanan hidup ini bermakna, ada berkat, dan dlm hidayah Allah.

😃😇

Thursday, December 22, 2016

You can only give others what you have with you

- bismillah -

Breaking.
You cannot give of a self that does not exist. Thus, self-care and self-preservation must be essential to your life if you wish to truly give of yourself to others. You cannot give charity from wealth that does not encompass your possessions, and you cannot give from a spirit that does not encompass your being. So invest in your emotional, physical, and spiritual wealth.
You can only spend from what you have.

—an excerpt of PAIN. From the Journal of Umm Zakiyyah

Read more:
USA: tinyurl.com/painuzjournal
UK: tinyurl.com/painuzjournaluk
Canada: tinyurl.com/painuzjournalca
Nigeria: tarbiyahbooksplus.com or facebook.com/AMABookshop/

eBook: ummzakiyyah.com/product/pain/

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Time capture

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Rotation surgery berbaki seminggu.

Hari2 rasa tak nak balik, rasa nak stay di hospital, but i never did that, eventually balik juga. Rasa nak buat PE banyak2 tanpa awkward, rasa nak masuk OT, yeah tapi semua tu tak buat pun. Tak go to the extra miles. Entah bila nak buat effort mcm tu, tunggu waktu elektif la kot.

Setiap petang balik, naik bas, dengan penduduk2 lain. Bersejuk, berhujan, berpanas, mcm orang local. Dan saya dah biasa balik sorang, jadi sebab tu ada banyak masa jadi pemerhati.

Tengok rumput dan pokok2 yang berubah ikut musim sepanjang jalan dlm bas yg tinggi, tengok perihal dan kelaku orang...
Kalau balik around zuhur/asar, mudahlah nak nampak orang solat tepi jalan, tepi bangunan...dan hati pun terdetik, aku dah solat ke belum? Dan doakan moga Allah terima amalan orang tu jugak....that feeling bila you tahu doa tu sampai :') being heard after all

Then tengok kedai2, peniaga2 kecil...ada ja lah rezeki mereka. Hari ni nampak muka sorang pakcik jual roti /kebab bakar berseri2 layan orang yg nak beli. Huhu. Makanan tu sangat tradisional, dan tak tahulah, after generasi dia yg menjual dan after generasi yg membeli tu, ada lagi ke scene mcm tu? That food akan pupus ditelan subway, mcd, kfc...huhu.

Dan yeah, setiap yg berlaku hari2 ni macam movie, eventually everything akan tamat. Mensyukuri keadaan jordan yg masih aman sekarang, penduduknya masih kuat berpegang dengan islam...

That feeling bila tengok kereta banyaak dekat hospital, dan tak pernah dengar kes curi kereta. (Moga Allah melindungi drpd berlaku seperti itu). Amiin.

This moment, i'll treasure it. Sebelum badai sekular dan hakisan nilai murni dan islamik mendatang, sebelum habisnya generasi sekarang.

Tengoklah malaysia sekarang.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Lapang

- bismillah -

A hadith narrated as below:
"Whoever makes the Hereafter his preoccupation, then Allah places freedom from want in his heart, gather his affairs, and Dunya (worldly life) comes to him despite being reluctant to do so.

And whoever makes Dunya his preoccupation, then Allah places his poverty in front of his eyes, make his affairs scattered, and nothing of the Dunya comes to him except that which has been decreed for him."
[At-tirmidhi]

As one of my friends has advised me, nothing in this world is according to our wants and needs. Sometimes, we lost because He wants to free us from false winnings. What is the point of winning when we already lose the moment we think we cant be on the losing team?

Kalau semua benda ikut kehendak manusia, huru hara jadinya dunia ni, kata sahabat saya.

Betul. Saya baru sedar. Nak sangat hidup ni ikut skrip manusia. Ah, bukankah skrip Tuhan itu lebih cantik dan meluas?

Allah tarik/kita tak dapat apa yg kita nak, sebab Allah nak bebaskan kita daripada kemahuan tu.

So what kalau tak dapat kahwin dengan orang yang kita nak?
Baik macam mana pun manusia itu, Allah takkan izin kedudukannya melebihi pergantungan dan harapan pada Allah paling tinggi dlm hati ni.

😃

Alhamdulillah. I learnt to discard one of false attachments from my life.

Tak sangka kan? Datangnya manusia sebagai ujian tanpa kita sedar kita meletakkan harapan dan cita2 padanya.

Terima kasih Tuhan, kerana menghilangkan harapan dan cerita2 palsu dalam angan ini.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Prayer for Aleppo halab muslims

- bismillah -

Today, in the news, it was said that the regime has entered Aleppo. When a regime entered a city of poor and helpless remaining civillians, you can expect the worst they can do to harm anybody within their sights. Rape, burn, massacre. Anything.

It rained from last night here in Jordan. My place i'm residing is not withing close range with aleppo, but i believe we share the same weather, climate and time. We even share the same temperature i guess. It is cold. Very cold, if you are living outside the house. Water runs along the road, with puddles and streams of rain water flow to lower areas. Everything is cold, wet and simply uncomfortable, especially when you are denied of electricity, heater, gas and what more denied from having peace.

I came home from hospital this afternoon, sitting by my side over the aisle is a syrian boy. He is the youngest in his family. His father was a doctor back then in syria. His eldest brother was about my age. His uncles and aunts are living across the world, they managed to flee the war zone. His family escaped to the neighbouring country, here. How do i know all these? Because his family is living in front of my house here.

They seems established, being able to find comfort and shelter here. But, it is an outsider judgement from me. Standing in their shoes, who can ever guess that one day we are living as refugees?

As refugees, you cannot work in the country you are getting sheltered. His doctor father, make living by other means. He cannot practice here.

Have anybody ever imagine, living a stable life as middle to upper class citizen in own's country, but in the blink of eyes everything changes?

During the whole journey back home in the bus, he just looked over the window, lost in deep thoughts that even the conductor had to tap him on his shoulder to ask for the fare.

May Allah guide him for his future as a righteous and practicing muslim.

Let us all pray for all the muslims in the world, of which Allah has make us connected through the bond of Faith Iman and Deen Islam.

Oh Allah, all these catastrophic events are signs of Your power, that You are the all-Knowing, the most merciful, have mercy on us, the living and the dead, the young and the old, grant us eternal happiness and tranquility, of which we firmly believe ever existed only in Jannah.
Oh Allah, whenever You have promised and guided us for Jannah, the world is just a brief of time where the eternal joy in Jannah isnt comparable with all the worst events combined in this world.
Oh Allah, grant us Jannah.

Amiin.

13/12/16
9.43pm
Winter - thunder showers 12°C

Saturday, December 10, 2016

surgery struggle

- bismillah -

alhamdulillah. i am breathing (still).

it has been tiring months, i am currently in surgery rotation, my 3rd rotation for the final year.

well, surgery is tough. every day starts with 8.00 am sharp morning report, 8.30 am we went to the ward to see patients and take good case from them, at 10am then the doctor (consultant/specialist/resident) will come to discuss cases with us and do some bedside teaching. at 11.30 am we are dismissed, and there are another two lectures/seminar awaiting at 1 pm. reach home only at 4pm, which has already been dark because it is winter now (maghrib/sunset at 4.30pm).

phew.

i am not complaining, but i remembered those days in obs & gyne rotation when i reach home at 10am~ i dont like it either to home so early.

well, now since that i spent the whole day outside, things start to be in mess inside my house, i admit that. especially my room.

struggling hard to juggle and balance everything.

but yeah, i am not perfect. and i am happy in my current state. eventhough it is very disturbing to not shine in ward rounds, to be timidly shy to give opinions, well, takkan habis kalau nak wailing pasal tu. who cares kalau salah jawab dalam round...who cares kalau krik krik tak tahu jawapan...

but

i care....
i hate it bila i am mute for the whole day
i hate it bila i cant understand what the doctor was saying (mix arabic)
i hate it when they ask simple question, too simple, and get laughed when i cant answer it.
(doctor explained everything in arabic, insert some jokes, everybody laughing, i struggle hard to rewind what he said and to search for the funny part, when suddenly a simple question shot for me....stuttered and processing hard, 'what did he just ask me about?')

well, i started not to bother much about that field of weakness. i just want to appreciate my final year moments.
i think bila Allah dah bagi sampai hospital itu pun dah big blessing. walking from home to the bus station, 30-minutes journey by bus to the university, another 15-min walk to the hospital. yes, all those strength and effort only come with Him.
yes Allah boleh bagi semua yg kita nak mintak, tapi sedarlah, yg kita dapat tu dah besar dah lebih dari apa yg kita mampu.

being grateful, makes us feeling better,

well, life is hard. but Allah is with me everyday. He will make it an ease for me. amiin.

pray pray pray,
moga saya makin cemerlang.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Mom

- bismillah -

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know
- Hello, Lionel R

Ps. Mom woke up in the middle of the night and texted me through Line checking up whether her daughter in the other continent is doing fine or not in the cold weather..i somehow think that her doa has made me warm in my blanket without needing the heater at all today..😃😭

Alhamdulillah. I believe every mother has always made doa for their children. Think of how your day and night progressed, how things become easy for you, how warm you are in the coldness of winter, these are maybe the answers of prayers by people who love us...

And if your mom is not with you anymore in this world, send doa for her for warmness and peacefulness, just like how she checks on you before, because a child's doa can reach his/her mother :)

May Allah grant our mothers who always reminded of their family members no matter how far they are, with His blessing and mercy. Amiin.

Catatan ramadan 1438H #4

- bismillah - So, right there in front of the kaabah i was standing as a poor girl. No phone, no money, nothing. I only had a bottle of zam...