Thursday, September 29, 2016

Good morning!

- bismillah -

An ester of autumn mornings

You fell to the ground last night,
and nobody noticed.
but in the morning you were
picked up by a stranger's hand,
held gently and lovingly,
because your presence counts.
Your smell has strengthen a
weak heart that is anxious to
meet the world.

And how many times that we have stumbled, lost and helpless, but Allah get us rised in the morning with hopes and forgiveness afterwards?

Praise is to Allah Who gives us life after He has caused us to die and to Him is the return.
(Dua upon waking up from the sleep)

Good morning farhana, rise and shine!

***
I wrote the above poem when i was alone in the lecture room while waiting for the rest of students to arrive. It was still early in the morning.

I came by bus to the hospital (badiah), a full crowded bus at first that some gets to stand while those who seated had to share the seats. Somehow the situation gets loose as people reached their destinations. But how harsh the condition is, the jasmine flower that i just picked up remained intact, and preserved its smell along the way until i reach the hospital. I did that almost everyday, going to the hospital holding a jasmine flower in between my fingers, with the cloves inside my palm.

Once in a while, i brought it to my tip of the nose. It helps clear out smokes and anything that arent good smells inside the bus.

I suffer from every morning laziness, feeling hard and wanting to cry each time i am on my way to the hospital.
However, so far, i managed to get rid of those bad feelings, eventhough it comes everyday.

Despite my laziness and low mood in the morning, i always reach the hospital early, or the earliest i should say. Not on my own accord (because i have always been a late-comer - and the last to go home - since darjah 1). It just happened. I manage to arrive 15 minutes before 8 am.

And that gives me a plus point to fight my 'depression'. How? :)

As always, there is attendance sheet which need to be signed each day. And as usual, i cant signed it the moment i arrive at the hospital because i arrived way earlier than the secretary. Haha. Tak semangat aku pun, Allah izin sampai awal mcm orang paling bersemangat atas muka bumi. Alhamdulillah tho.
So today, i go to the office at about 8.15am to sign my attendance, and the assistant secretary (who always arrive early before 8am). I greet her good morning, she replied and smiled, asking my name and cheerfully said,

"I have it signed for you!"
"Dah tanda dah nama awak."
"Hattaittu illek."

I gave her the most biggest smile saying thank you so much!
"Shukran!"

And that simply lifted my mood :)

***
Tadi nak turun tangga yg under construction. Ada loose pebbles, ada piles of rubbles. Takkan nak lalu atas timbunan batu besar, jadi pijak jugalah batu2 kecik, of which risiko tergelincir. Pak cik guard sorang datang dari arah sebelah, dia pun nak turun tangga. Dia turun melalui batu2 besar. And as i was descending the unfinished stairs, he was watching me anxiously. He put his steps towards me as if he was anticipating me to fall. Luckily i managed to get hold the wall alongside the stairs. Bila dah selamat, pakcik guard say something, of which i replied terima kasih ambik berat pasal saya 😂

***
Upon entering the hospital gate, ada pak cik guard. I greeted him with salam and smile, and those were another points that lifts my mood.

***
I think, interacting and having good support and experience with surrounding people are among the ways to fight 'morning blues'.

Thank you, those peole simple remarks really made my day.

The assistant secretary who ticked my attendant sheet and recognising me as the earliest to arrive almost everyday, the pak guard yg anxious tgk saya redah tangga tak sudah tu, the pak guard yang jawab salam,
The conductor bus yg ajak saya naik bas dan suruh orang share seat dgn saya, suruh saya naik dulu sebelum budak2 lelaki skolah naik, yg suruh org yg berdiri halang laluan utk turun bas dulu supaya saya dpt naik,
I appreciate everything.

You have done me a very big favor:

Smiles and sudden lifts of mood. You give me another day to live and the courage and spirit to embrace what it has to offer. Thank you Allah for your arrangement for me to meet them early in the morning.

A very good morning indeed :)

Ps: fight!

Monday, September 26, 2016

Hening.

- bismillah -

Dalam doa2ku, tiba2 teringatkan rakan2 yang telah pergi dijemput ilahi.

It has been a long time. How are you? Resting in taman syurga? I wonder how peaceful it is...

As a friend, or more exactly an acquaintance, i can only 'reach' you through the knowledge that you have shared during our plkn.

You taught us of Allah's rememberance. You lead us the prayers and zikir.
You showed us how a practising muslim lives.

Thank you.
I am sorry for your family to have lose you at such a young age.
But in shaa Allah they have gain a lot from your presence when you were living with them before.

I thought of you everytime when i was able to reach ramadan, healthy and alive.
I start to appreciate my 'extra' time.
Who knows, i would be able to reach your shahid level too with my 'extra' breaths given...

Alfatihah.

Nota:
(1)
Daripada Abu Hurairah Radhiallahu ‘Anhu katanya,, Rasulullah SAW telah bersabda : Jika anak Adam meninggal, maka amalnya terputus kecuali dari tiga perkara, sedekah jariyah (wakaf), ilmu yang bermanfaat, dan anak soleh yang berdoa kepadanya.”
(HR Muslim)

(2)
Diriwayatkan oleh sahabat Nabi bernama Talhah bin Ubaidullah, dia berkata: “Dua orang laki-laki dari Baliy datang menemui Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam dan masuk Islam. Salah seorang dari keduanya lebih semangat berjihad dari yang lainnya, kemudian dia (orang pertama) pergi berperang sehingga dia menemui syahid. Sedangkan orang yang kedua masih hidup hingga setahun setelahnya, lalu dia meninggal dunia.

Kemudian aku bermimpi seakan-akan aku berada di pintu syurga. Tiba-tiba aku berada di sisi kedua laki-laki tersebut, setelah itu Malaikat keluar dari syurga. Malaikat itu kemudian mengizinkan laki-laki yang meninggal dunia terkemudian dari keduanya untuk memasukinya, kemudian ia keluar lagi dan mempersilakan kepada laki-laki yang mati syahid. Lalu malaikat itu kembali kepadaku dan berkata: ‘Kembalilah kamu, sebab belum saatnya kamu memperoleh hal ini.’

Keesokan harinya aku menceritakannya kepada orang-orang, mereka pun hairan. Mereka lalu memberitahukannya kepada Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam dan menceritakan kejadian tersebut. Maka beliau bersabda: “Perkara yang mana yang membuat kalian hairan?” Mereka menjawab: “Wahai Rasulullah, laki-laki (yang pertama meninggal) adalah orang yang paling bersemangat dalam berjihad dari yang lain, lalu dia mati syahid. Tapi mengapa orang yang kedua (laki-laki yang meninggal terkemudian) jesteru masuk syurga terlebih dahulu darinya?”

Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam menjawab: “Bukankah orang ini (laki-laki yang meninggal terkemudian) hidup setahun setelahnya?” Mereka menjawab: “Ya.” Beliau bersabda: “Bukankah dia mendapatkan bulan Ramadhan dan berpuasa? Dia juga telah mengerjakan solat ini dan itu dengan beberapa sujud dalam setahun?” Mereka menjawab, “Ya.” Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam kembali bersabda: “Sungguh, sangat jauh perbezaan antara keduanya (dalam kebajikan) bagaikan antara langit dan bumi.”

It was related by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad (16/170) No. 8380 and by Ibn Majah, Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah by Sheikh Al-Albani (2/345, 346).
http://en.alssunnah.org/site-sections/qisas-alssunnah/40-2010-03-11-07-48-29

Wallahua'lam.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Maybe today is the day...

- bismillah -

Jumaat beberapa bulan yang lalu, saya mendapat jawapan kepada persoalan yang saya tak ada jawapan selepas 3 tahun saya mencari. Pada tahun ke-4 saya dah abaikan persoalan itu. Hinggalah tahun ke-5 baru saya dapat jawapannya.

Dan tak lama lagi, di tahun ke-6 ini, segalanya akan terjawab dan berlaku.

Semoga, farhana tabah dan sabar on what ever that may happen. amiin.

Jaga iman, jangan get disturbed. Jangan sedih. Pray for them who get involved, it is a prayer for you too.

Sabar.

Kesudahan yang baik adalah untuk orang bertaqwa.

Jaga taqwa.

*idiopathic tears*

P/s
Maybe, today is the day...oh Allah, pls soothe me over their words.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

One of a wonderful day in my student life

- bismillah -

"All girls do the same thing," a lady was smiling to me when she walked passed me.

I was surprised.

She turned to the mirror and copied what i had just did moments before.

A laughed out loud and smiled back to her.

I was walking along a dark and quiet connecting corridor when i saw her coming into the sight from the front. I was on my way home after a long weekdays at the hospital. Today is Thursday, marks the end of the week's dawam. I was glad that my dawam ended with today's incidence, greeted randomly by random people, that i smiled all the way till i reached the end of the hallway.

Actually, my day today began pretty good. I was late for morning report, and decided not to enter it at all. Surprisingly, when i reached the hospital compound, my friend told me that there was no morning report for it has been cancelled. Hooray!

Eh, alhamdulillah...

I have clinic rotation at the o&g department today. I was nervous not knowing what to do or what to expect in the clinic. I began with introducing myself and my friends to the residents in charge. Alhamdulillah they were in good mood, for yeah - they replied. (You can expect how helpless medical students are when nobody realised their presence in the room.)

So my friends and i sat there, waiting for the consultant to came into office. We go through our notes, just in case the doctor makes some random pop quiz that will leave us clueless if we dont prepare anything in our mind.

"One student pls come with me to the ultrasound room," a resident called from the door. My friend woke up and followed her, leaving me and another friend behind.
"It's okay, we will take turn after this to see the ultrasound," my friend said to me.
I was unhappy, i wanted to see the US too! I muttered slowly my dissappointment, and to my surprise, another resident heard me.
"It's okay, you can go to learn too," she said with a promising smile. I thanked her and we ended up being in the room with all of us.

Alhamdulillah. I never thought our presence would be noticed by those beautiful residents. I thought they wont even talk to us. These are from my previous experience being in a busy crowded clinic. They even answered all my questions regarding ultrasound findings of the patient.

While this is not true when it comes to the consultant. I wont blame him, but i thought he was one of the most supportive doctors, but my thought wasnt proven to be true. It is okay, i wont elaborate much on negative unhappy stories, the residents being kind are more than enough to make my day in the clinic productive.

In the afternoon after the clinic, i had a seminar to be presented. Since it is khamis and everyone anticipatedly waiting for the seminar to end as early as possible, so the doctor who supervised us ended up giving all the students semi-lecture. I talked a bit about my part and he finished it all.

Khalas. You have presented all my part, doctor.

That is how my khamis, my end of the week rotation at the university hospital began and ended...

Alhamdulillah. I should consider my self lucky though, as if a series if fortunate events.........

Alhamdulillah.

So, perjalanan balik naik bas biru dan bas agwar qadim, luckily the bus take the route yg lalu depan rumah. I sat by the window on a single seat, make no bother that the window is wide open, selak langsir luas2 enjoying the late afternoon sun and wind, as usual. :)

Alhamdulillah.
Among the memories during my mbbs journey that i will be glad to read this back in the future.
In shaa Allah.

P/s i forgot the most important points! In the afternoon break after the clinic, i was sitting in the hospital lobby alone reviewing the history taken from the patients in the morning clinic, for if i go to the hospital library i will likely to fall asleep..., when suddenly my friends from another group came and join me there. They even brought olio pasta for lunch! And 2 courses of halawiyat (desserts) that they received from their arab friends. And of course, i didnt turn their invitation down to eat those food! Sumpah, this was the most blessed day i have ever had. 😃 Alhamdulillah hamdan kathira.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Awak tahun 4 ke?

- bismillah -

Awak tahun 4 ke?
Tak, tahun 5. EH TAK saya tahun 6.

Apa punya respons la farhana...

Such a simple thing that can make me happy. Smiling widely dari tangga sampai surau.

Astagfirullah.

But, i cant deny that i feel good about it.
Maybe this is what people say,
It is small thing that counts.
Benda besar kadang kita tak pernah nak hargai pun.

<3

Hihi.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Wadi rum escape

- bismillah -

Alhamdulillah. Bercuti ke wadi rum, desert camp, tidur sini di padang pasir.

Bangun pagi, pukul 5 jam saya bunyi, kawan saya keluar pergi toilet utk siap utk solat subuh. Saya sambung pejam mata hehe sebab tak solat. Tiba2, ada suara yang melantunkan azan. Azan subuh di tengah padang pasir. Sayup, bergema. Ah, sungguh saya merasakan indahnya sebaran islam. Allah, islam tersebar ke muka bumi gersang ini berkat usaha Nabi Muhammad dan para sahabat! (Semoga Allah merahmati mereka). Usai azan, kedengaran azan lagi sekali dilaungkan, dari kem yang terletak tidak jauh dari sini. Allah. Allah.

Mereka yg melaungkan azan, adalah mereka yg sama yg menari (huhu) pada malam hari di bawah lampu warna warni dan muzik rancak lagi kuat. Clubbing, ialah budaya arab, tp tak ada la arak dan percampuran lelaki perempuan. Kami orang melayu dan tourist ni, malam semalam lari naik bukit pasir utk melihat bintang dan bulan 14.

Indah. Alhamdulillah. Malamnya, dan subuhnya. Aku merasakan jiwaku segar dengan sentuhan Tuhanku. Terima kasih Allah, kerana tidak pernah meninggalkan aku utk mengatur langkah di dunia ini.

Semoga, Allah izin aku melihat dunia dengan pandangan hati yg sentiasa mengingati-Nya.

Semoga Allah ampunkan dosa2ku.

15/9/16
Wadi rum :D

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Pengalaman

- bismillah -

Dah lama saya tak buat gimik. Hehe. Besar-besaran pulak tu.

Kemarin, lambat keluar rumah. Lambat juga dapat bas. Tunggu punya tunggu, sebuah bas yang sarat penumpang pun sampai. Saya melangkah naik. Walaupun nampak penuh yg berdiri.

Waktu saya berdiri di tangga,
"Hei benet, ma fi makan...(wahai budak perempuan, tak ada tempat ni)" pak cik driver bas laung dari tempat pemandu. Geleng kepala isyarat suruh saya turun.

"Aadi lau anak waggif?" Saya tanya okay tak kalau saya diri je, tak duduk tak apa. Walhal budaya di negeri separa konservatif ini, orang perempuan wajib duduk dalam bas, tak boleh diri, aib katanya.

Pakcik tu berkeras suruh turun juga.

Di sinilah kekuatan wanita. Hahahaha. Saya cakap la, saya ada dawam (office hour).

"Oh enti musta3jilin? (awak tengah nak cepat ke?) Yallah (ok)" pak cik driver bersimpati pada budak sengal ni.

Tu tak cukup gimik lagi. In fact, the gimmick hasnt even started!

Jeng jeng.

"Oh, dia nak masuk dawam (office hour). Dia nak cepat."
"Bagi dia duduk2, dia nak cepat."
"Mari2 duduk sini, kau nak cepat kan?"

Ehh. Tiba2 orang sekeliling bersuara. Satu bas tahu aku lambat, nak cepat, dan ada dawam. Hiuhiuhiu.

Gimmick terbesar bakal bermula....
"Mari sini, duduk atas aku." Sorang mak cik tepuk2 paha dia. OMG biar betul nak duduk atas riba. Mak cik tu saiz tipikal penduduk tempatan arab. Kalau duduk konfirm tinggi kepala aku, sempat lagi fikir kejap.

Aku gelak. Dia gelak balik. Hahaha.

Nak buat mcm mana, nak berdiri, katanya tak elok utk perempuan. So kenala duduk juga. Sama ada share atau atas riba mak cik ni. Waktu ni dah penuh, semua kerusi 2 share bertiga. Ahh, takda pilihan. Janji sampai hospital awal!

Pak cik driver pecut lain macam sbb budak ni musta3jilin. Haha. So kenalah duduk cepat2.

Bila dah labuhkan duduk, mak cik gelak dan kata kuat2 dengan mak cik lain di seat depan, ringannya! Boleh letak dua orang sebelah2. Dia kata jangan takut, duduk je lah. Aku beratkan sikit la duduk aku. Nak duduk 100%, aku teringat mak aku sakit lutut dulu, sejak tu aku tak pernah duduk atas riba mak.

Bas pecut potong2, tapi traffic light lama la pulak.

Aku dah sesak nafas.
Dekat sekilo jalan, atau aku yg rasa panjang tatau la, penumpang ada yg turun. Aku duduk la share dgn yg berdua. Sebab bas still penuh.

Nak bangun dari duduk atas mak cik tu, ke tempat di sebelah, terketar2 lutut. Sebab aku squat kotttt sepanjang dlm bas tu. Squat. Kalau sikit lagi boleh putus nafas.

Then mak cik yg bagi aku duduk atas riba tu turun. Aku nak duduk tempat dia. Tapi budak2 lelaki, budak sekolah yg berdiri tadi cepat2 duduk. Aku pun okay ja lah sebab at least aku duduk share bertiga skarang ni dah okay.

Haha. Gimik seterusnya....

Tiba2 pak cik driver laung sambil tengok melalui cermin tengah.
"Oi budak2 bangun, bagi budak perempuan tu duduk!"

Budak2 sekolah tu pun dengan berat hatinya pun bangun.

Hikhik. Sori dik. Di tanah ini, gender lebih signifikan daripada saiz dan umur. Kehkeh.

So tu lah kisah saya nak ke sebuah hospital luar bandar dari rumah menaiki bas awam.

Kenangan. Mesranya makcik2 buat lawak, dan gentlemen nya orang kat sini.

Alhamdulillah. Duduk di seat sorang tu sampai lah sampai depan hospital.

Gimik last...turun bas rasa lembik lutut. Kalau pakai seluar boleh nampak jalan gelong agaknya. Haha.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

pancuran emosi

- bismillah -

aku dengar dari dia,
kau menangis wahai saudariku,
apabila ditanya tentang cinta hatimu.
kenapa?
rindukah kamu padanya?
atau, air mata itu ialah imbasan episod kesusahan
yang kadang tiada siapa pernah bertanyakan...?

luahkan, jangan simpan
aku mendengar dari sini, walau jauh.
malah mereka yang lain juga ada sedia 
walau kadang mataku kerlipnya bosan
walau kadang tawa kami bagai takkan kehabisan

percayalah,
dlm tawa, ada tangis
dalam riuh, ada sunyi
jangan kamu rasa hanya kamu alami
segala kesedihan yang ada di dunia ini

kongsi,
sekadarnya.
kuatlah,
jangan lemah.
kamu gadis terpilih.

selamat juang sahabatku,
semoga hatimu sentiasa terpujuk.

1153pm, irbid, jo

Overnight changes

- bismillah - When i left malaysia for my study in jordan 6 years ago, i have nothing in my mind to worry for, except that it maybe the las...