- bismillah -
Life is aprroaching early adulthood.
And our mindset and thinking are changing too.
To be immersed in nikmat in childhood, to always get what i wanted,
Or to be satisfied with the replace,
And to be strong headed to achieve what i dreamt for.
As for now, sometimes i lost the strong willpower.
I got lost when i'm in pain physically, emotionally.
I surrendered early before reaching the final point.
I put negative thoughts ahead of positive doa.
When we started this journey on the same point on the road,
Now upon reaching the end, we have been on different paths.
Some get married, some are making income, some are actively making dakwah.
They are progressing with their life.
They, are advancing.
I have a friend,
That i looked high on her but she puts me on higher state in her thought.
It's not that she always has what i have been wanted,
But i have always want what she has had.
That is what i realised today.
It is not that she has what i thought is my dream,
But i dream of her life.
All this while.
And this is totally wrong.
I know, to be eager to have other's life,
Is the worst thirst in this world.
Luckily i come to realise it before i reach my end point, which is death.
I should focus more in my life.
To pray for other people, to pray for kindness and blessing from Allah to them,
Is to set my life free,
To be liberated from this chain,
To be cured from this illness.
To pray for others is to clean my heart.
رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنَا وَلِإِخْوَانِنَا الَّذِينَ سَبَقُونَا بِالْإِيمَانِ وَلَا تَجْعَلْ فِي قُلُوبِنَا غِلًّا لِّلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا رَبَّنَا إِنَّكَ رَءُوفٌ رَّحِيمٌ (10)
Such a beautiful doa from the quran.
Which read as to mean,
"O our Lord! Forgive us and our brothers (and sisters) in Religion who have preceded us in faith, and let not our hearts entertain any ill-feeling against any of the believers. O our Lord! You are All-Forgiving, All-Compassionate (especially toward Your believing servants)."
I was walking behind a happy couple one day,
That i decided to smile secretly and uttered the words of doa, barakallah lakuma, wa baraka alaikuma.
May Allah bless both of you, in every up and down.
And that day i realised, the doa is for me, too.
To set me free from envy nor losing hope.
My portion of rezeki is always there too.
On another day, i was inside the bus the university,
When i was worried all along the way thay i might be late.
Worrying what case would i get that day,
Who is going to be my patient...
Until i heard from the radio,
A beautiful hadith from our beloved prophet Muhammad.
A hadith that again set me free from the chain of worldly needs.
Be mindful of God, and He will take care of you.
Be mindful of Him, and you shall find Him at your side.
If you ask, ask of God.
If you need help, seek it from God.
Know that if the whole world were to gather together in order to help you, they would not be able to help you except if God had written so.
And if the whole world were to gather together in order to harm you, they would not harm you except if God had written so.
The pens have been lifted, and the pages are dry.’ ”
And suddenly all my worries fade.
What ever comes in front of me to do any harm on me, wont be able to do so when Allah is there to protect me from harm. and what ever good things that even if people gathered to give me, wont reach me when Allah says they are not for me.
Whether i was late or what so ever troubles i will be facing, it wont do md any harm. When i seek protection from Allah.
When life has pushed you to the lowest point,
Never hesitate to admit,
And you should have always realised that before,
That you have nothing in this world.
We are all faqir.
When we know we have nothing, why would we be sad when we cant get all thing we wanted?
None but only His mercy.
That you breath, that you smile,
That you live, that you sleep.
I read about hemolytic anemia,
To even have enough counts of G6PD enzymes is even a huge mercy that you can never exchange with the universe.
May learning medicine attached me to Allah more.
Despite in my up and down of parallel life achievement.
Alhamdulillah, for everything He gave me and for everything He takes from me, they are all belong to Allah, me too, belongs to Him.