Thursday, August 20, 2015

A young doctor-to-be i am

- bismillah - 

I read this somewhere over the internet. 

There is a boy from a poor family who wanted to be a doctor but the tuition fees are damn freaking high to get a medical degree. In order to achieve his dream to be a doctor and enter university, he had to make sure he did very well in his studies so that he could earn a full scholarship to enter medical school and also to continue receiving the scholarship while in the university. So this young boy read every page of his text books 20 times! Today this doctor is highly respected in his field and my friend is very grateful to him for saving his father's life. 

The above italics excerpt was taken from www.ringgitwisefool.blogspot.com

Sounds familiar for me though. 

I suffered academic downfall, from among the top students in school, state and i guess the country, i sat timidly in class and in exam during my preclinical years. The first semester on the first year, i manage to obtain 90+ for all of the subjects. I am not bragging but i am reminiscing. These gave me a very comfort zone. But then, things changed. i got only half for histology first exam. It sanked my heart. I almost in despair. Indeed i was. But alhamdulillah Allah is so merciful to mend the situation. He gave me strength and confidence, i finish my first year with 84.5 cgpa. Alhamdulillah. 

Second year was tough. In third year, i was doing better and i finally found my breath in medicine. Alhamdulillah. 

Forth year, i 'suffered' with lacks of motivation. Going to the hospital every morning is like going to the battlefield, or much harder. It felt so hard and i was lazy. Yeah that's the word. I didnt perform very well in the introductory course (come on, it is just intro, i should've scored very high!), the first rotation is very blurry and struggling with language barrier. Then, in the second rotation a doctor once said, harshly, that i am not active in the group. I was so deeply makan dalam that the last days of that rotation were the best days i spent in my 4th year clinical year. i stand beside every doctor whenever they are doing group discussion so that i can participate! (The reason why i dont get involve before that was because i cant hear clearly, arabnglish, and what more to comprehend and answer any point out question??) and alhamdulillah, things are getting better in my last and third rotation. I manage to participate well, as up to my own expectations. I performed very well and i enjoyed my ward rounds, but in my oral exam i was not so lucky that i got unexpected question, well i take that as Allah expect me to know more and better than others. I consider my self lucky. So next time, i just have to have more than others. More reading, more studying, more praying. In shaa Allah. 

Alhamdulillah. 

Now, i am entering the fifth year in shaa Allah. I hope to have this momentum, getting better each day. Allahumma aslihli. 

Pray for me that i become a very excellent doctor in Islam under Allah's mercy and guidance. Amiin. 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

#1 be humble

- bismillah -

Hari ni sekali lagi burung kat luar rumah kejutkan bangun subuh, membuatkan aku sedar yang aku masih di kampung, masih di bilik kesayangan. Bilik yang banyak berkongsi rasa dan segala jatuh bangunku. 

Semua ini pinjaman dari Tuhan. Sekelip mata, akan kembali kepada-Nya juga. Jika aku rasa aku ada banyak, maka ada orang lain yang ada lebih dari aku. Jika aku rasa aku kekurangan, maka ada orang yang lebih kekurangan daripada aku. 

Kaya atau miskin, rendah diri itu penting. Jangan meninggi diri. Jika kita tak mampu jadi humble, kita akan benci pada kemiskinan. Bukankah itu sifat yang diapi2kan oleh syaitan? Jangan benci orang miskin dan kekurangan. 

Aku pernah naik bas, dan duduk sebelah anak kecil yang aku tahu dia tak mandi untuk beberapa tempoh. Aku mengaku, kalau lah aku dilupakan untuk ingat anjuran Quran supaya mengasihi anak yatim dan fakir miskin, dan doa Nabi yang meminta pada Tuhan untuk dianugerahkan rasa kasih kepada orang miskin, maka aku pasti akan menyombongkan diri dan memandang rendah kepada anak itu. Nauzubillahi min zalik. 

Be humble. 

Jika si miskin/kekurangan, mungkin diuji dengan kekayaan/kelebihan orang sekeliling. Anak sedara kita hebat, anak sendiri kaya, mak ayah kerja besar, apa saja yang kita rasa kita ada kelebihan, janganlah jadikan itu sebagai tiket untuk kita meninggi diri. Jadilah rendah diri, siapa tahu di akhirat nanti kita ditinggikan?

Enggang sama enggang, pipit sama pipit. 

Sombong dan tinggi diri itu akan hinggap pada semua. Kaya atau miskin, kalau tiada sifat humble, segalanya nampak rendah. Seorang anak bandar yang kaya tidak akan mampu hidup sederhana dan kekurangan di kampung jika tiada sifat merendah diri. Apatah lagi menantu yang asalnya orang luar daripada keluarga. 

Miskin kah dia, kayakah dia, carilah sifat humble dalam dirinya. 

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Terus berharap!

- bismillah -

Harapan. Dulu aku takut untuk mempunyai harapan. Kini aku sedar, harapan itu ialah doa. Jangan pernah takut dalam berharap. Jangan pernah kecewa apabila mengharap. Kerana sesebuah doa itu, jika tidak mendapat seperti kehendak kita, maka Allah sentiasa memberikan yang terbaik untuk pemohon. 

Syaitan akan sentiasa menjadikan manusia supaya berputus asa, tidak positif langsung dalam berharap. 

Aku punya harapan. Kamu punya harapan. Harapan kita berbeza-beza, tapi harapan2 itu ditujukan kepada Tuhan yang sama. Hanya Allah tempat berharap. 

"Oh Tuhan, jika hidup lebih baik untukku, maka hidupkanlah aku. Jika kematian lebih baik untukku, maka matikanlah."

Ini doa yg didapati dalam sunnah Nabi, maaf saya tak hafal lafaz yang lengkap. 
Tapi doa ini tidak mengajar kita untuk berputus harap, sebaliknya, dengan meminta kematian pun ialah sebuah permintaan bahawa masih ada ruang untuk berharap selepas berlalunya kehidupan. Dengan meminta doa ini, kita mengharapkan jalan keluar daripada teka-teki kehidupan dunia. 

"Oh Tuhan, ampunkan dosa kami..."

Memohon keampunan daripada Allah, ialah mengharapkan hari akhirat yang lapang dan tidak sulit dengan seksaan. 

Segalanya adalah harapan. 

"Tiada yang berputus asa terhadap rahmat Allah melainkan orang yang ingkar."

Untuk cerita pengharapan seorang hamba kepada Tuhan, ada banyak kisah Nabi2 dalam al-Quran, terutama kisah mereka memohon doa dikurniakan zuriat walaupun di usia lanjut... Contoh, surah maryam pasal nabi Zakaria, juga kisah Nabi Ibrahim. Carilah. 

Harapan sentiasa ada. Kerana Allah tidak pernah lena mahupun lenyap. 

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

The future that we have no control

- bismillah -

I was inside the car when i talked to ayah about my worries. I told him that i'm afraid of what will happen in the future. 

Ayah said, well, nobody knows what will happen in the future. He said that he totally had no idea back then how is his life going to be today. It is a gift from Allah. And after all those good things happened throught out his life, he has had enough and only pray for a blisful age. Sekarang, ayah hanya minta panjang umur dalam keberkatan. Amin. Me too. 

Actually, ayah knew i was sad about a man's death that was mentioned in the news. He was a doctor, a young man, leaving behind his families. 

I was thinking, 
Am i ready to build my own family when one day, my partner or me is going to leave each other?
Am i ready to accept when one day i have to lose them?

Well, death is real and going to happen. I dont feel bad about it. What i'm worrying about is the separation of partners by other means, not only by death. 

Who knows,
The one who we are madly in love now is going to hurt us very bad one day? Maybe after 5-10 years, words of love will change to words of hatred?

Who knows...

But then, i'll listen to my father. Nobody knows the future. It is all lies in His hand. Only Allah knows. He knows the most. 

So what is our roles for the future that we have no control?
To remain positive, faithful, loyal to Allah and only Him. To always say prayers. To always ask for a firm heart. To have our tawakal on Allah. 

No matter what. No matter how do people betray our love for others. No matter how hard life is going to be. 

In shaa Allah, everything is a good thing. 

So, to have a spouse is to be able to leave or to be left when the time for separation comes...
Well, our iman and characters determine how hurt is the separation can be........no matter what is the reason of separation. 

Am i ready?

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