Sunday, October 20, 2013


- bismillah -

Bangkok - Cairo (it was actually Kul-Amm, just a matter of transit flight)

This is the chosen journey. InsyaAllah. 

Somehow in my third year, Allah sent me an adik to live along. 
Not biological one, but she is a new junior. 
Taking same course, under sponsorship, she's nothing much different than what i was like three years ago. 
We got something good and nice from school and come to jordan to claim the 'reward'. 
What i want to say is that, we all got expectations and 'something we want to receive' by being here in the foreign country. 

Seeing her preparing for classes, waking up, getting ready, mingling with seniors etc etc, all those remind me of something. 

That i should come to an extent where i had to have achieved what i wanted and expected much in the first place since the first year i came. 

What did i really get after all these three years long?
I started to count the golden days of being among the first-year students.
It was ok i guess, alhamdulillah. 

So what about in the third year? What expectations do i have?
Did i get any or just because i have past my first year that i dont have to build dreams and hopes?

I have to build one. 
We have to. Because our hopes that keep us alive and moving. And later, in the next years to come, we can reflect what we had achieved, not what we had not been dreaming. 

Talking about adik, i learn to be better in each thing i did. I shouldnt be a kakak yang ala kadar, mentality shouldnt be the same for Allah has spared me two years ahead than my adik. So if i act worse than her, it was as if i have wasted the spare time Allah has given me. 

But but but, 
Mostly when we are seniors, we tend to be egoistic. 'I am simply better than you'. NO! Change it to something berpahala like 'i am simply trying hard to be better so that i can be the qudwah / role model'

Truthfully, ada adik akan buatkan kita rasa diri dalam cermin. 

When she prays for dhuha, it knocks me to do the same. 
When she read kahfi in the friday morning directly after subuh, it simply makes me to turn away from the internet, which is my excuse to stay awake and not sleeping. 

So, what if i ignore what she did and be the kakak yang tak ada perasaan untuk jadi qudwah?
I lose chance for dakwah. And more surprisingly, what if... 'kakak tak buat jadi saya pun tak nak buatlahh!'

Haaa sudah. 

So let just be a kakak yang kakak. Sounds like an elder huh? Makcik2. 

I guess, this is something Allah gives for me to be a better person. 
And as a preparation to develop sense of care, responsible and etc. maybe. hikhiks. 
Since i am the last in the family, so i dont really care about others wellbeing that much before. Hehe. 

Now i'm learning to wake others up from bed. Oh my.. it was so scary. 
(Since i was the one yang tak suka orang kejut bangun tidur. Err so i dont want that anger to be expressed back upon me~) i'm not used to wake others up, so there were 2-3 incidents where my adik woke up by the time she should have catch te bus. oh ampunn :/

May Allah bless her. She is something that Allah send for me and my other housemates insyaAllah. 
May Allah correct our wrongdoings and keep improving us. Amiin. 

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