Sunday, May 27, 2012

weird hope

this is a personal post. dont read it if this has no concern with you. thank you.

"Letakkan aim di DEPAN ,, dan satu2nya cara untuk menggapai aim itu ialah dengan bergerak ke HADAPAN. 
Andai sudah memulakan langkah, gagahkan kaki untuk terus melangkah hingga ke hujung,, 
jangan sesekali berpatah balik.

Jika berpatah balik, itu bermakna anda sedang menjauhi aim itu sedangkan misi anda ialah untuk menghampiri dan menggapai aim tersebut.

Sememangnya tidak dapat dinafikan, ujian datang silih berganti,,
untuk menguji keteguhan hati dan kekuatan tekad.

Anggaplah ujian itu sebagai R&R, untuk berehat dan berfikir sejenak sambil mengumpul kekuatan. Kemudian, bangun dan hadapi ujian tersebut dengan kekuatan dan keyakinan yang padu.

Andai ujian itu berupa tembok,, panjatlah, pecahkanlah..
Andai berupa lalang,, tebaslah..
Andai berupa hujan panah,, carilah tempat berlindung..
Andai berupa musuh,, lawanlah..

Usah menyerah kalah.. Yakinlah dengan Allah, sebaik2 Perancang :)"


a friend wrote this to me. i faced a problem when dealing with a group of S-type people (dont google, i made the term myself). i did something but Mr S(s) (there are many of them) thought the other way around (or maybe it was just me?).

so i asked my friend wether if i did something bad, something menimbulkan fitnah. or maybe it was all started since my fiqhmedic presentation appearance. or even involving in programs as a multimedia crew. i asked for my friends' opinion if my asking-a-lot-of-questions nature somehow creating impression on other people as if i am talkative in nature?

i am not used to talk to s-type people.
yes, i studied in an all-girls school, for 5 years, but it not the cause of this problem. i do have male friends from primary school, tuition classes and camps' mates. i met some from competitions, courses & quizzes attended during secondary school years, and even made friends with 2 scholarships interviews mates after school.

that is how i define my male friends. the one i met in a same event, knowing each others' names and looks.

i know it is hard and weird - for some people, but i love to remind myself to keep being professional with them.
i respect my male friends who give opinions when i asked them, i respect those who congratulate me and i am fine to congratulate them with their achivements, i respect those of give me advices, those who care for my safety and there are some who are willing to share their personal ideas with me.

i really appreciate all their sincere professional acts.

somehow, when any of them crack a joke, i do laugh. i nod my head in agree. i do shake my head in protest. i frown in confused if they talked about anything i dont know. i look to the speaker when a serious matter is being discuss - because i am not an auditory learner.
it is not that i had none body language at all.

but these dont mean that i expect any of my male friends to treat me the way they treat their male friends. i dont want that.

and, i find it hard and difficult to talk and chat the way i do with my girls friends. no way. nauzubillah.

however, i told you, i enjoy giving opinions. i enjoy criticising. haha.
in order to do that, i will have to speak to the other side who i am giving opinion. i dont give opinion  in status updates only, i do talk in front too on the spot, especially in meetings and presentations.

but then, one person may got a wrong idea of what i am doing. some person assumed that i am just like the other girls who enjoy talking and joking, publicly.

no. no, dont try to make me think that is me.

but then, i am quite sensitive, i think. i dont like weird relationships.
i enjoy interacting. i dont like one who give :] face all the time. i want 2 ways communication. BUT that does not mean i want ':D' expression all the time, in my real life and fb life. 2 ways communication does not mean any of us has to skip the BARRIER.

what have other male friends never done to me, dont do that.

i am a guy's daughter, and another guy's sister, and even another guy's sister-in-law. and i am friend to some other guys' aside you.

it is weird. but i just want to be friended with you all - guys, the way islam asked. help me when i am in need, correct me when i am wrong, care for my success, care for my deen, care for my akhirat. seeing me wearing  improper attire (nauzubillah), correct me. seeing me in danger, protect me.

and i know i have to do the same to you. and insyaAllah i will.

i do love all my friends. i dont love a single person, but i love all of them, syabab & akhawat. i pray for all of your safety when some of you went to turkey / umrah / vacations, and i do hope for everybody's SAFE journey. that is the way i love and care for my friends. not the other way round.

i am sorry for being weird. pray that my weirdness stay if this does not bring any harm to me. dont make me myself put down my barrier, and dont you yourself demolish my barrier.

thank you. pray that i am not a noob in relationship. dont forget, i am not static, i have body language and expressions - one may find i am friendly; but that does not mean i have no barrier. i try to create one and i want the barrier to stay. please dont make anything that will make me put aside the barrier. stop talking with me IF i had no barrier. keep interacting with me when i still hold my barrier firm.

a nerd in social life, who cares for professionalism. in other word, no heart feeling. :p


post duniawi paling mengarut pernah saya tulis.'s all. post will be deleted if i felt weird-er.

any comment, FB. thank you

love all your friends because of Allah, and there you found the true friendships. :)

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Sesungguhnya, kehadiran antara kita ialah satu ujian. Sesungguhnya, aku mahu menjaga keberkatan, Aku mahu menjaga tawakkalku pada Tuhan, ...